Tuesday, August 30th 2022
Last night turned out to be pretty funny in a way. I actually had some energy and desire to move around. My legs are killing me already because I did go out and do some gardening. But I really didn’t care. I wanted to water everything.
You can already see the difference. A couple of days ago, the pumpkins looked like they were on their last legs and the last night, they were coming back and looking more robust. The zucchini also looked like it didn’t care anymore but suddenly it has started producing. It’s all about the volume of water.
It’s also probably connected to the quality of the water. I mean, if you’re not afraid to look at what you’re doing and ask questions, you might get some answers that you didn’t really like that much. For example, how much crap was in that rainwater? How much air pollution ends up getting sent directly on my plants? It’s not really just about the temperature or the amount of water, it probably has to do also with how clean it is. I mean, would you drink rainwater? I’m sure people do. I’m sure there are people who live in places where rainwater is the only thing that’s available to them. But in this modern world, you have to think about it. Our environment is poisoned, isn’t it?
Except for the crimping hose, watering has become very easy. It’s not even much of a chore really because the water pressure allows me to get to certain trees without straying from the center path and the volume makes light work of pretty much everything.
Also, I find that I don’t mind using my thumb over the nozzle to create various shapes of sprays. I purchased a wand with various shower heads and this had been okay with the submersible pump. There wasn’t so much pressure and I found two settings that were pretty good. One was a direct single jet that could reach the trees and the other one was a flat spray. I don’t need this anymore. I also can’t use it because it’s too much pressure and the head simply explodes off it when I try.
But then something really funny happened. It was starting to get dark about the time I was finishing up and literally moments after I turned off the pump, it started to rain. This was the first rain in several weeks. I couldn’t believe it.
It was an odd feeling. It was a bit like having your ex-wife show up at a party. Well, this would be like an ex-wife with whom there is no animosity or anger but only disappointment. All summer I have been dreaming more about rain than I have almost anything else. Sex is probably even a good analogy here. It was like an untrustworthy girlfriend who plays with you by denying you favors in order to get what she wants but then never tells you anything. Here was the rain again but now, I was good. I appreciated her being here. I was happy to hear her familiar sound. She’s just not that important anymore.
Of course, I’m thinking completely selfishly here and my metaphor is equally as selfish. We need all the rain we can get. The world needs rain. Just because I put in a new well does not mean my belief in ecology has somehow disappeared. I would be happy with clean skies, no air pollution and regular rain falling on a region that is supposed to have regular rain all the time. I would be extremely happy with less violent weather. I would be absolutely thrilled if the region would somehow return to what it was before we were obligated to kiss Rusia’s ass and accept the oil business as our lord and savior. I would be happy if this country was even moderately environmentally conscious. I would be happy if this country was even moderately conscious generally.
I don’t know exactly how much rain we got. At first it was a nice shower and then there were the familiar noises of water falling into the buckets. These are very pleasant sounds. They are soothing in a way. It really is nice here when it rains. The air has that familiar ozone smell and so much of that pollen and garbage gets brought down out of the sky. The air takes on a touch of sweetness especially when the flowers are blooming.
You know, this Auto addiction that we are all so deeply into right now is worse in the winter. I’ve said this many many times but without any warm temperatures allowing convection to create an upward vent for surface level garbage, if there isn’t a current of rising air to lift the auto emissions above our heads, they tend to coagulate that surface level. In the winter, it’s almost impossible for me to walk around in town. Perhaps I’m overly sensitive but to my eyes, looking at the impoverished people walking on the sidewalk in an absolute yellow Haze of garbage makes me think of some dystopian image, a post nuclear Holocaust.
Of course, we don’t teach environmentalism in the schools. Not really. Environmentalism is nowhere near important as a subject of conversation with our young people. Like the department of education said, patriotism, morality and being good citizens (read: passive and obedient) are the most important points. We are obedient to our leadership. They do our thinking and they love the oil business because they love the economics that keep them in business.
If the cancer rate goes up, it doesn’t matter. If my own connection to the medical community must come along with a black male request to pay money along with the constant complaints that they have no funds and are completely reliant on Russia on their supply chain, who are we to say something is wrong? If you can’t go to the hospitals without catching covid, well, we just take that as a matter of patriotism and good citizenry.
I mean, it’s the only possible social interaction I can have with people in my village is either politically motivated attacks, anti-semitism or requests for money, you tell me how good this line of education is. If this is the only possible way people are allowed to think and the only answer to any question is to go to war, you tell me how wonderful it is.
Unfortunately, what must be said is that the US is absolutely no different. Unfortunately, this is one of Putin’s main arguments. He has a habit of deflecting any complaint about the infrastructure or empirical actions of the Russian federation by claiming that the Americans are no better and do exactly the same. This is not just propaganda, this is bloody logic. Nobody’s arguing with that. Nobody has to get brainwashed to understand what coercion, influence peddling and making use of your military to back up the oil Business and American consumerism means. Nobody’s arguing about who the aggressor nations are and where their guns, money and politics come from.
I’m just saying that I want better. I’m just saying that it would be nice to have clean air to breathe all the time. I just think it would be nice to just have some clean food to eat. I don’t need the excitement or the additional artistry. I’m not trying to impress anybody and I really don’t need to be impressed. I just want something nice to eat so that I’m not hungry anymore and that my body functions okay.
You know, I was never a drug addict as we used to call it. When I was growing up in Northern California, pretty much everybody had access to what we call drugs. I shouldn’t really put marijuana on this list but that was pretty much everywhere. But it wasn’t only cannabis. The more affluent people had access to cocaine and pills. Heroin was very noticeable in the city and if I remember correctly, we had quite a few methamphetamine heads around. The entire lower classes were on drugs pretty much all the time.
I never got into that. I don’t remember ever even trying methamphetamine or heroin or any hard drugs. I didn’t even smoke marijuana at the time because it tended to make me paranoid. It doesn’t anymore but it did then.
But what I was addicted to was American fast food. This was a problem I had my entire life. Hamburgers and hot dogs and fried chicken. Fat, Grease and salt. Sugar drinks like Coca-Cola. I don’t remember going out with how having that sojourn be connected to some kind of eating. I don’t remember looking around while I was outside and there was nothing to do where my first thought wasn’t about getting something to eat.
I remember during my last trip to the states in 2016 when I went to visit my father in Florida. We would drive in his car down this extremely long expanse of local road and literally, every inch of it was chain restaurants or department stores. Mercantilism was everywhere and the endless, endless, endless sea of advertisements calling your name. The smell of the cooking meat was everywhere. Literally, the grease was in the air mixing with the auto fumes.
This was the American landscape that I remember. This was the American landscape that shaped my mentality. I know that people here never bother to think of anything other than the cash flow going through you. They never stop to think of where that money goes.
Again, let’s not immediately say that this place is a paradise and that place was a hell or vice versa. Let’s not simplify this in any way. The only thing that this place had that the states did not have was generally polite people who did not appear to be very aggressive or harmful. I didn’t feel threatened when I first came here and honestly, although I understood there was some level of celebrity, most people were too polite to be aggressive. When I actually spoke to people, everybody was incredibly normal and conversational. And best of all, they understood how to have those conversations respectfully. Briefly said, they listened.
Well, they threw all that in the trash in 2014. In 2014, aggressiveness and love of culture and history became important. They started putting arguments out that maybe Stalin was not such a bad guy. Sure, he murdered a few million ukrainians by starving them to death, but that discipline and order meant something. Certainly there was Slavic greatness to be considered and it was important to identify with the strength and power of the Russian empire.
In other words, it was time to love Russian consumerism and that meant it was time to buy a car and start riding around making sure you could keep up with the necessary money flow. It was time to go make money. It was time to get aggressive and it was time to get mean. Cruel actually is the correct word. It was time to practice cruelty.
And then it stopped snowing for New Year’s. And then the river stopped freezing and algae blooms started to appear. And then the bog dried up and it stopped raining generally. And then the top soil started to disappear and the world turned into sand. Politeness gave way to militarism, kindness and community gave way to fascism and brutality.
Yeah, I sunk a new well and now I have a slightly better class of water available to me. It makes for tasty or drinking water and better water to give to my plants. I don’t really go out anymore. This started as a medical deal but now, I can’t even walk well enough to enjoy moving around at all. If I’m not obligated to get up, I won’t.
But it’s just as well. It seems there is nothing for me outside these walls. It isn’t that I see this from the news, I see this from the friends I talk to over the internet. I see how they live. It’s not that I see how wonderful their lifestyle is. It’s not a matter of being jealous of Instagram posts. I listen to them talk about their lives. Everyone is basically hysterical everywhere. I really don’t know anybody who’s taking it easy at any level of life. I don’t know anybody at all anywhere amongst all of the people I know who is not completely fucked up in the head right now.
So I’m just sitting on my little parcel of land watering what’s left of my garden and waiting for the season to change. Truthfully, according to the actuarial tables, I’m not going to be here for very long. My health concerns are genuine and the fact that I have no faith whatsoever that the medical establishment can do anything for me pretty much condemns me to trying to enjoy my time on the planet that I have left. I’m not rich but I’m not so poor as to be grubbing around for pennies. Luckily, I have established for myself a lifestyle that does not require too much money to go out. All I have to do is try my best to enjoy my time and I’ll be okay.
Now, if I could just somehow convince my neighbors to start parking their cars on the other side of their property, I really would have something. I don’t even dream about my other neighbors’ property anymore. They have ruined everything that was good about the place already.
I am where I am and this is where I will be for the foreseeable future. Now, if I could just convince my neighbors to stop ruining the place, I might actually have something nice.
Thinking practically for a minute, I believe Ghenna is coming by probably with a horse cart or a hand cart to carry away the charcoal briquettes that the previous owners left behind. We will also talk about bringing in some steel to trellis the grape plants. That and perhaps a load or two of fertilizer should come in. I think that will need to be a little bit later. I will need to go to town for money in order to pay for that.
I am also thinking of making a trip to town. This would be similar to last year’s trip. I’m interested in seeing what kind of fruit trees I can get a hold of as well as some berry bushes. I’m not sure about whether you bring in strawberries in the fall or in the spring, but I’m very interested in using one of my boxes for strawberries. Probably strawberries and garlic. Something I learned somewhere along the way.
But that will not be today or this week. Today, I just need to open up the gate. Other than that, it’s more taking it easy. That is about the only thing that is truly nice. Even if the rest of the world is absolutely hysterical, I seem to have made a place for myself where I can just take it easy. Argue with me all you want. It seems I have made some good choices for myself. Kind of. Arguably. It is what it is.
***
It’s 1:45 p.m. and I am on the couch in my office with my legs up. My legs can’t go anymore. I am in complete pain and it’s not going to go away anytime soon.
The culprit was yesterday and this morning. I overdid it. I thought I was doing okay and taking care of business but I overdid it. I have to know my limitations. This completely sucks. Pain really sucks.
I called the inspector and had a long conversation about the details involved in her work. She literally pleaded with me to give her a break about not showing up by the end of August. She went on for quite some time in rather unbearable detail about all of the truths behind her tardiness. There are so many deals to take care of and she is by herself trying to cover ground.
One of my favorite philosophies is that a friend should be considered the word yes. If you think someone is your friend, it is because you believe that they will say yes to what you ask of them. This is of course within reason and on the other side, the Oscar should be aware that they should not overdo it and take advantage. Just because someone is a yes doesn’t mean that you have to use them every day. Discretion and fairness are also very good traits for friendship.
The philosophy goes on however that if you must say no, you should take pains so that the other side remembers that you are indeed a yes generally speaking but in this one loan instance and because of absolutely important variables, this time cannot be a yes. It is important to take pains so that your friend understands that your yes is in force and has not changed. It’s just that this time, there are too many difficulties.
I was thinking about this as my inspector went on and on, detail after detail. I didn’t want to say anything to either hurt her feelings or to push back against the national service. I know that the woman has a job to do. It’s just that she really seems to want to break the end of this situation down into two more visits. The first visit, she wants to personally walk with me in my Forest so as to absolutely tell me the exact spot that is where my border ends. It is part of her job that she showed me this but for some reason, it has taken months and months and months and no individual visit seems to allow this sort of thing.
After a while, I did my best to explain to her that the truth is that absolutely nobody is using that borderland as anything but for us. True, I might be interested after the first of the year when the laws changed to acquire as much of the forest near my house as possible. Probably the only reason I wish to do this is to preserve it and keep people from cutting down the forest. I’m sure that the change in policy allowing people to buy Forest land has everything to do with both monetizing wood production and getting rid of wood that’s going to burn anyway because of global warming. Making things worse is only practical if all you’re thinking is making money.
I also went on deeply telling her that plus minus 2 or 3 m in any direction didn’t mean anything to me. I got the general idea where the border was and there were no plans now or ever to have any sort of conflict where that actual point might be. My neighbors have held this property without really using it for 10 years and the argument even exists because everyone has let the forest grow back. It just is not really that important for me to physically see the place that she wants the marker to be. Just bring the papers by saying what we all know is the truth and I will sign them. I’m not worried about it.
It was an emotional conversation and she asked me if it was a case of my not wanting to see her again. I needed to assure her that there was absolutely nothing personal in this at all. I understand that she has a lot of work to do, I’m just trying to make her life easier by being the easiest person I can be. And it has nothing to do with her as a human being, I’m just a little tired of the process going on and on. It seems like all I have in my life is bureaucratic processes that never ever ever want to let you leave.
After that, I managed to get a hold of the head doctor in Minsk and he basically did nothing. What I need is still not available. I also tried to talk with him about potential improvisations that would be okay. They wouldn’t hurt anybody and they wouldn’t cost any money and they would probably allow me quite a bit of relief. This sort of thinking was not normal for him and the best he could do was brush me off and give me yet another number of someone to argue with. I don’t want to argue with anybody over the phone. I just want relief from pain. I just want to be able to walk around normally and incompetence from providing me adequate medical Care is also starting to grate on my nerves. Yet another worthless bureaucratic process allowed to go on and on ad infinitum, ad nauseam.
But then Ghenna. I thought he had brought the horse cart to collect the charcoal briquettes or at least a hand truck but he had not even brought his bicycle. He was aware that he could pick up the charcoal but he wanted to know if there was some work he could do. He was dead sober and obviously, he didn’t like this situation very much.
I started talking to him about trellising the grapes and we talked about the possibility of picking up some steel and some wire. And then we talked about how to bring a horse cart with fertilizer onto the property and its current configuration. There is a road but it’s a lot tighter than it used to be. He immediately started talking about how many trees he could kill and while he was talking I started eating unbelievably sweet plums off of one of the trees he wanted to mark for death. We see these things differently I guess.
Eventually we decided on doing some cleanup work that I have been wanting to do for a long time. I tell you, it sucks when you can’t walk freely. I have been waiting for the opportunity to walk around freely for so long that it’s driving me crazy. One of the things is that there are jobs that you just don’t do because they are not worth the pain that you have to feel to do them. Quite a bit of the work that I should be doing around here gets pawned off or let go simply because it is too much pain to walk.
Today’s job ended up being finding a good place for a bunch of garbage, broken cement blocks and the remaining fencing and plastic from our last week. Some of it went into the barn and some of it got tucked under the barn’s overhang in a reasonable spot. Suddenly walkways and driveways were open, garbage concrete that had been sitting there for months or even years was suddenly in a neat and tidy spot. Even the completely unsuccessful onion box that I had set next to the house last year got taken apart and its elements moved into the barn for further consideration. We tore the thing all the way down to the ground until nothing was left but a pile of dirt.
He even agreed to take my old stove away from the front of the house and move it to the barn. For him with all of his limbs functioning and his body in need of a drink badly, he was a tornado again. When he wants to finish his work, he is an absolute bull.
It is amazing how much of the work I want to do here is getting done now. Things are really starting to look like somebody gives a damn in here. Okay, I’m not a hypocrite and I’m not trying to please other people aesthetically. But there is a difference between having stuff flying around and having it be in a reasonable place. The place feels cleaner today.
I paid him a good price, double what he usually asks for. He told me that this money was just in time and as tomorrow is gas day, he will have some money to get himself a tank of gas. I asked him again if he had really drunk through the entire amount of money he got from my neighbor. He told the story differently this time saying that he had only received 100 rubles and not $100. I don’t know whether he has a short memory for the lies that he tells or maybe he just makes things up because it sounds good to his ears. In any case, it’s pretty obvious that he has already gone through whatever Fortune was in that bag of silver.
Me, I’ve been eating apples like crazy. These are the most delicious apples I’ve ever had in my life and the next time he goes to take away more wood, I’ll be happy to take another 20 l to put in my root cellar.
Finally, for those keeping track, I never did hear from Tanya. She didn’t call or come or if she did, I didn’t hear her. Truthfully, it would have been more difficult to employ her. I have some house cleaning that I desperately want to do and we’ll get to it as soon as I feel comfortable enough to stand up again. I doubt I would even give her the job. This is not to say that she couldn’t do it. It’s just that I’ve never actually found that point of conversation between us that I could believe that she could do a job well as if she meant it. Again, I guess I’m being specific that I would need to stand there and talk to her the whole time rather than just having her finish the job.
I don’t know if this relationship is dead and I don’t really care. I tried calling Lena to do some of this work for me but she was already out of her house and did not answer her phone. I also didn’t mind this because it meant that the work that there was to do I could do myself in a pretty short period of time and I could save some money in the process. No, I am not a rich man. Yes I’m still very aware of how much money goes out for all of these little outsourcings.
Other than this, I am seriously thinking about my preparations for winter. When the weather truly changes I will not be able to occupy this room that I’m sitting in now. I will retreat to the war room and we’ll make that the base of my operations for the whole winter. I truly love hanging out in this room where I am right now but as it is configured, this is a one season room and there are no exceptions.
In order to get the warm room ready for winter, I’m going to have to do something about the floor. I need to add some level of insulation that keeps the cold air from being sucked up from the floorboards. I’m also thinking of moving my office computer into the warm room just to give me access. I have two comps but I definitely prefer working on the desktop.
These thoughts are not going to require so much muscle but there will be some building projects to take care of. I have ideas in my head about how to make a space that will be comfortable during the winter. I don’t think it will cost very much money and I think it will not be so hard to take apart from the springtime. But it is a long winter here and being prepared when it comes is probably the wisest thing anyone can do.
About materials and preparations for winter, I’m pretty much perfect exactly as it is. I’m not worried about anything. I have enough wood, I have enough electricity and enough electrical heating devices and I definitely have enough clothes. And, if push comes to shove, I have enough physical work to do to give me a little bit of hobby movement everyday. I don’t really think I’m going to be stuck sitting in one place. I will be able to stay warm.
So this is the story from the couch. I am in pain but minute by minute, it’s getting a little better. Absolutely no help from Minsk unfortunately. My property is a little bit more orderly and there are some cleaner walking spaces. And we absolutely have place for two more grapevines and it is just a matter of getting the steel to support them.
Slowly but surely, step by step. Sometimes it’s my own painful steps and sometimes I have help. But we are moving in the right direction and that I would count as a good thing.
***
According to several news sources, Ukraine is beginning its counteroffensive to house Russia from the occupied territories of Southeastern Ukraine. This news is seconded by zelinsky himself. Not that he’s giving away all of the facts. He’s just saying that this is happening and he’s also looking towards the end of the war at least rhetorically.
There are a lot of reasons that might go along with this idea. It could be that after 160 days or so, Ukraine has figured out what it’s doing and believes it’s in a position to strike and significantly cause enough damage to move things. Eventually, they are outnumbered. If Russia genuinely wants to put more machinery and manpower into the fight, they certainly have more resources to do so. Yes, they are fighting their war on foreign soil. This is always extremely expensive in terms of material. Ukraine has this basic advantage going for them. But it’s more than that.
The truth is that it’s a very complex issue because Russia wants it to be a complex issue. At the same time that there seems to be almost universal agreement that Russia is in the wrong for making this attack, Russia seems to be able to continue doing business with several European countries quite unapologetically. Nobody seems to think that this hypocrisy means anything. This not only includes countries and huge corporations but also people who cannot get the idea through their head that voting against Russia also means voting against your car. No matter how many resources Ukraine receives out of sympathy or support, it is absolutely no match to the gigantic and constant inflow of money for the oil business.
But then again, it is truly doubtful but this is a genuine War. It is colonization, to be sure. But there is no genuine idealism behind Russia’s actions except for greed. There is no feeling that someone is doing something that is genuinely correct. Again, you can’t say that the Americans are not guilty of exactly the same thing. And really, this current business of pitting European standards of living directly against fascism as if this was the ideology that is playing is also pure farce. The Europeans don’t really get anything except perhaps some sense of a liberal government that has some obligation to actually allow their people to have something. They still have huge taxes and despite looking wonderful on Instagram, it’s still lifetime wage slavery. It’s still white Christianity. There may be some sense of liberal understanding or attention being paid at least verbally to ecology but Europe’s not getting out of its cars. And they are not ashamed of continuing their association with the Russians even 160 days into a conflict they swear to be against.
What does this mean for us? Well, if they are looking to conscript more Russians to fight at the front, this would obviously mean a demand for Belarusian troops. If Belarus definitely goes into the war, there is a great chance of reprisals. If not reprisals, attacks against places where the military is stationed. On Sunday, it was some kind of Christian holiday but nevertheless, you could very clearly hear fighter jets roaring near the border. They are flying missions from here even if the focus of the war is to the southeast.
To me it seems as though people have been being groomed for this for the last eight years. I talk very often about when the change from politeness to cruelty happened. You could see everything that made the town function slowly evaporating like the groundwater. Piece by piece, every single thing that was a part of the fabric of a pretty well unified town suddenly became ridiculous. Again, you can’t get people to pay attention to the outdoor markets anymore. Everybody just goes to the Russian supermarkets because it’s more convenient. Never, ever do anything that isn’t convenient no matter what is at stake or no matter the reality of the repercussions.
I’m just hanging around. I spent the whole afternoon on the couch and barely got up to move around except to make some dinner and clean up a little bit. I had in the early part of the day quite a few plans that I was interested in taking a look at. But by the time I got to early afternoon, literally about the time that Ghenna left with a few notes of Belarusian money in his hand, I couldn’t tolerate standing up anymore.
I didn’t water this evening but I will tomorrow morning. I hope I can do this without too much problem. I don’t seem to be harming myself. I’m still healing. But sometimes the pain is simply excruciating. I guess that’s it. The pain here is excruciating.
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