I think the way things go here, the description of raging maniac is someone who can keep more than one simple thought in their head. I mean, God bless the people that understand go and stop. They are on the planet Earth because GodNature said go and neither of their parents said stop, or even new they had the option. I understand about keeping things simple. I live by what I believed Russian pragmatism was. I was charmed by the political discussions of the time. In fact, I was amazed at how literate everyone was. Sure, it could have all been agents placed there to be a perpetual theater piece for me to keep me moving to where they wanted me. I would not put that kind of collusion past them, I understand how bored the elite are with their lives. But still, it was intelligence wherever it came from and that got me right where I live. They had something here that America didn’t have.

If this is true, then I am a raging Maniac because I have lots of thoughts in my head and sometimes it takes the best of me as a writer to try and gather them up in a bundle so that you could understand everything in one good gulp. That was the thought about good writing from one of my most intelligent students. Well, he started out as very intelligent but then he joined his parents in the automotive business and suddenly there was no particular reason to study anymore. Be that as it may, I guess I should start from the beginning.

The Utopian had put me in a really interesting work schedule. It’s a weekly that must be finished early enough in the day on Friday not to be a nuisance. It also had to deal with the fact that my Sundays were all about dealing with my ex partner which is a great killer of brain cells. That meant that the work week began on Monday morning with the amazing thing being that I would not allow myself to go past page 13 until I read Torah. Basically, it was smashing together the first four pages which were basically the editorial stories and news and the Page 3 girl. I don’t need to talk about this to the end but it meant that Monday was grinding on my self to get the creative ideas straight in my head and to put pen to paper and then the main work was accomplished on Tuesday and Wednesday. It doesn’t write itself and I’m not AI so, there was enough blood in there to satisfy any appetite as far as I’m concerned.

You can get addicted to anything and my body just didn’t understand why it was not producing Utopians. Monday was anguished brainstorms and today’s Tuesday. Today is full function. Now, we can look at this as I am slowly coming back from what is definitely intentionally induced covid, literally three different families brought all the diseases of the town and then aimed their attention at me to eat me like a beautiful little mouse being ripped apart by a cat. And they not only tried to henpeck me to death, they not only brought their pollution with them, they also transferred all of their covid to me. We can look at it that I am in day five or six of this epic dose and say that vegan resilience is vegan resilience and I’m on my way back. But I am not back.

God was at least mildly good to me today and gave me a bit of cloud cover I never really brought the murdering son. She was kind enough to be modest and high behind the clouds so that we wouldn’t fall in love with her beauty. This also meant practically that I did not need to call Dim.

Yesterday’s efforts were not wasted. But the difference between yesterday and today is today I have given up on walking. Today has been a day for kneezies. Today has been a day where I could explore my inner ape and had enough strength to change what was very bad in this room and in another room so that I could make myself comfortable even if I cannot stand up. I do not believe that I’m going to be in a chair. I prefer to live my life vertically and in motion. I really like gardening. I suppose if there were no cars on the roads and they let the road outside my house heal for a while, it would be very rideable and a bike ride around the region is actually pretty nice because of the forests. One of the reasons I chose this village was that it is a hub on some of the best bicycle rides in town. You gotta dream.

I managed to clean up the floor and organize my things and made myself a very comfortable sleeping spot with a nice headboard by using my couch non-traditionally. I mean, I like my couch but it’s not really a place that you want to spend a lot of time. You spend too much time on the couch and everything dies. I also reorganized my office a bit and made everything accessible. I haven’t used the computer at all today. I couldn’t see a single point in it and I didn’t want the noise. Today was just enjoying the sweet breeze and letting my thoughts to do whatever they wanted to do. My body hurts still. Not walking got the job done and I even made it to an excellent blender smoothie which did an amazing job to perk up my mood.

You got a problem? Life getting you down? Go make a smoothie.

The neighbors drove their cars a few times but never got seriously aggressive. The vibe was that they’re never going to stop being chickens and don’t mind one bit. Chickens don’t have to think too much. All the have to do is look and peck.

Or in other words, if you’re just staring at my body, and there’s nothing really to look at, I was in the hospital again. I run a really good hospital by the way.

But there have been some changes and if I want to ask myself if I have hurt myself or harmed myself for doing what I have done, I don’t feel half bad. In fact, maybe it was all just a natural reaction to illness that everything that was sucking my energy be removed. I’ve been sick in my life. When the leg went bad in 2010 when we were writing Paradise, I remember dreaming of a clean place. I knew I needed to be in the hospital and I knew in my mind that a hospital would be a clean place. Hospitals are always incredibly clean places, they are the cleanest places in the world.

Do I have such a hospital here? No, I don’t. If there was any House in there, they would have paid attention to my vegan resilience in the time of healing and juxtapose it against my diabetes and they would have gotten an interesting scientific result of a vegan diet’s effect on healing without insulin. I could give odds on that and actually, when I recommended that I was interested in the science, they mostly just wanted to bullshit with me because I was American. Nobody ever just wants to talk to me because they think something. No, they think I’m going to waste their time. I really don’t like wasting anybody’s time. I don’t do it and I usually don’t bother people to do things unless I think it’s important or that I already believe that they understood it was important. They did notice that every time they put a person in the next bed, I got covid and then they finally gave the good swab at the end and said, yep, by God, you’ve got covid and I think they informed me of my legal responsibilities to stay away from people and not to infect them knowingly as this would be thought of as a crime. A very rational bit of thinking.

So I build my own hospital? I build my own world anyway. There’s nobody building but me. I don’t even remember when I had a partner I actually wanted. I never wrote as a single before. Writing as a single is one of the most miserable experiences in the world. It’s kind of cool writing utopian literature. It’s kind of easy bullshit Eco journalism to write about how fucked up and stupid your neighbors are, I guess you could say they are my writing partners and if I write a lot about fascism, this is what they feed me. God bless us all, the fascists have killed us with stupidity and this is all pretty fucking stupid. But all of those beautiful plays about Belarus, those three really excellent Belarusian scenarios, they were all written with writing partners. Do we care who was talented or who did what? Just contribute what you can and we’ve got a good team. And if you want to put Paradise in there, sometimes you just hit the jackpot. Even if it was really just one writer, it was great to write with that team.

Without my neighbors, my house is an unbelievably clean place. There is residue of the former owners and because of this we get flies. Maybe the flies will get worse. I’m sure the flies will get worse. But normally, I don’t smell like anything they are accustomed to so most of the bugs just leave me alone. Like, because mine is the only house here that doesn’t smell like shit, I get the least problems with wildlife visiting me. They just don’t believe they will have anything to eat. I anticipated that my ex partner would simply go back to work on Monday morning and that by Tuesday, she will have forgotten everything and decided it was nothing and that she would be free on Sundays to use the pool or ride her bike to get some exercise. So there was less noise from that.

But there’s more. I canceled VK and Instagram. My last two social networks. I deleted my account and signed out of both of them. I also quit MLB Network. Again, why did I do this? Why haven’t I done it earlier? What reason do we have for doing what we do whenever it is that we actually do it? All of that is wasting time. The only thing we need to know now is what happened as a result. First of all, my phone bothers me a lot less. The notifications telling me that the algorithm has a friend suggestion for me or reminding me that some of my favorite content creators have content for me to enjoy or the unbelievably juicy moments that happened during baseball games that there is no possibility of watching without going into PTSD. Nobody ever just lets you watch. I’m not talking about porno. I’m talking about public spectacle. Why don’t they ever just let us be observers and come to our own conclusions about what is right and wrong? I say that we never defeated the Nazis but either way, it’s not available.

I went to my phone without any social networks in it and tried to find some real purpose in the instrument. Suddenly I came upon some apps that could probably be grouped together. I could make sections that I use for work. I just organized things so that they flowed better and got rid of a few things that were just taking up space. At first you think that it’s boredom and that you would go crazy from not having it but that’s not what happened. It just allowed me to be in the world without being annoyed and to pick up my device when I needed it without distractions. That’s all I did today with a little bit more life in me but not enough life to be ambulatory. And the smoothie was the cleanest one yet.

I think I made a good decision to give myself a hospital day today. I had been crashed into whatever was available up until today but today, it was all by choice. Let’s give it a little more time. Like I said, God was good and gave me some weather where I would not fear the death of my plants and tomorrow, if I can’t do it, I’ve got dim and I know he won’t mind the job one bit.

Maybe next week, all will be normal. Unless this is Lyme’s disease in which case I’m fucked for a long time. Or not, there seems to be a ton of literature that says a vegan diet works wonders on all kinds of diseases. In fact, well checking my own symptoms of joint disorder on the internet, as any good doctor would, I found a whole line of pathology that might be the truth. So, I don’t have any doctors arguing with my medical decisions and I’m going to leave this one to vegan resilience. I can get berries in abundance and I can get to my blender. And if that’s all I get until my desire for food equals my body’s ability to gather it, I’m going to put my money on me. I believe in what I do. And this is not bravado, this is also science because I’ve been doing exactly this for 5 years. I actually know I’m going to win this. Unless they poison me to death again.