I could probably call this war reporting. If I look around at what’s going on around me right now, there’s no other way to say it. This is war reporting.

I don’t know if I should recap things or not. This all started when in a fit of joyous abandon to enjoy the celebration of the solstice and my personal connection to Nature, once again, as always, the 24/7/365 human catastrophe factory continued working as if no one had ever protested or said a word against their egregious ecological practices. However, though suppressed to the extent of the possibilities of Russian mindset, I decided to provoke The Crazy Chicken. Let’s just call her CC.

Now here is the irony that I’m so famously known for. I’m just a bored farm boy who thinks provoking the chickens to make them scream and cackle is something to do in a moment’s notice because I don’t have anything better to do. But it’s not really satisfying. It doesn’t give you that feeling like you really did something. The problem is, that I’m just provoking chickens to make them scream. After a while, a person gets incredibly sick of the sound of cackling chickens. This is especially true if you’re vegan.

So all of this enraged caged naked man waging War against the machine that sucks the life away from him is all well and good. But probably better would have been the realization that this has nothing to do with today anymore. If we were to crank this ukulele backwards all the way back to the place where I walked over to have a conversation with my neighbor about his cars. If you look at it from there, y’all probably can’t even see the mushroom cloud because it’s so far away.

What were the results? I got my house cleaned so professional that I swear it’s sparkles. I told you about Little t. She’s a vampire but she’s an ninja vampire and let me tell you what kind of cleaning work this little firecracker can do by hand. Like from a barn to a house in 1 hour. What else?

Yesterday, the big guy came over to dig a single hole. He dug a darn good hole and we put a chunk of steel in it with a hook on the top and we upped my clothes washing / flag pole game into engineering ecstasy. It’s a matter of millimeters right now how good this is. Today he showed up with more steel and a bucket of blueberries which are all over the forest and I’m taking people’s word for it. I have enough on my plate without tramping through a forest that has already taken enough of a beating from us.

So the debate of whether I was carrot and sticking him into listening to my words is debatable. If I was carrot and sticking him by holding back his money and making him stand there as if he was an audience and I spoke in a really loud voice that I was quite sure my neighbors could hear, I might have a chance to have a little conversation. I mean, you just cannot get a conversation from a Russian. You can get threats, you can get theft, you can get mental abuse and if we count the war, they just piss on you but you can’t get a conversation because they have been engineered as mute. Well, not mute, and not exactly parrots. It’s across between a chicken and a parrot. You can teach it to say things and then when it gets hysterical it just keeps saying them over and over and over and over. Talk to that sometime.

So basically, I’m doing a blog. Because it’s what I do. Okay, am I a newspaper man? That’s dubious. I’m a writer? Well, that’s not even debatable. Am I… This is what I’m saying, fuck this. Whatever I am, I fucking vote. Any fucking name you want to put on me doesn’t matter because I’m a person and I am telling you what I think especially when I see damage being caused. If y’all want to suppress me to my death because I see damage being caused and people being hurt and I see serious casualties but you just won’t agree that that’s what’s going on. And that’s a pretty wicked sickness to have to confront.

Naked. Which is basically what’s been going on. Now aside from my casual protest, which gets absolutely nothing because it was me ranting and raving rather than me saying something that required some thought or acceptance as a possibility that perhaps there was some truth to it and public safety was at issue, etc etc etc. The nudity has nothing to do with public performance. I have a lot of energy these days and I’m really enjoying being mobile and being able to go outside as much as I want but, the truth is, if I’m going to sweat, I have to wash clothes all the time. Like, if the garden doesn’t require enough work and this fucking writing project doesn’t have to take up the bulk of my life, you want me to spend time every day washing clothes diligently? I live here alone. Sorry, if it ain’t my job and I can live without it, let’s live without it. Let’s live without the clothes and then I can just throw water on myself if I get sweaty. Elegant solution? Fuck you.

So this is really not all for them. It’s also not for me. I don’t really need this personally except if it’s a matter of speaking out a little chicken like in the hope that my life will improve somewhat. And in disregard, I get to have a closer relationship with nature which means a world quiet enough to listen to what Nature has to tell me.

Again, I know it’s all about irony but there is no such thing as a relationship without conversation. If both people are not speaking, no matter what the fuck you think is happening politically or socially or that might be touching the great Royal order of perpetual ineptness that you subscribe to, no matter what’s going on in your fucking head, it’s just in your fucking head if you’re not talking about it with others.

Like I said, there were a couple of things I needed to say. Firstly, I had to make it clear that no matter how much I might be fond of Ghenna, he is a thoroughly disgusting individual with absolutely zero conversation skills and I do not wish to participate in anything that this man does for comfort with him. This is simply a matter of not being able to tolerate any of the assaults on my senses that come along with him. Visually, gosh, he is a great homosexual model. He can take off his shirt with the best of them. I know he doesn’t like women at all and no matter what he’s thinking about me, he’s just barking up the wrong tree. But if I’ve got it, I’ve got it and I don’t need the covid or the stench or the cigarette butts or how much time it wastes just so he can get a few dollars to buy more cigarettes and alcohol. And meat. God love us for small favors but the only thing that separates him from my neighbors is that he’s too broke for a car.

So he’s standing there on the road completely uncomfortable because I’m talking and he doesn’t really want to listen. He likes things short and brief unless he’s talking and then he’ll go on for a really long time waiting for all the affirmations known to man that we are with him and we love him and everything he says is good and it’s okay and he doesn’t need to be scared. It’s okay boy, everything’s going to be fine. And here I am demonstrating some Kung Fu techniques using 2 m of rebar. I was talking to him about the joys of walking and that I have the ability to practice what they call here phys cultura. I like living a healthy lifestyle.

But kung fu is kung fu and the demonstration of one’s mastery of the two meter rebar means being able to strike from all angles effectively. This builds not only core muscles but it builds the foundation of your legs. You must have your legs under you to truly make the two meter rebar sing. I think the highlights were when I demonstrated accuracy by being able to hit the rebar again and again with a legitimate thrust and then worked my way down the shaft using harder and harder strokes to drop that second piece of rebar to the ground.

I put on shorts to come outside to talk to him. He seemed impressed. I then told him a secret. But it seems like I have actually sold this story. The whole thing. And I was mentioning to the big guy that if I just did the math in the most basic fundamental way of the value of this deal, we are looking at about $700,000. That’s not the number. That’s where the number begins.

When you speak Russian and you know Russian people, you know when you pop all the chakras. You could see it. When I said it I asked him if that didn’t open his asshole. And he looked at me like he wanted some more. Do you have any idea what kind of bomb that is to set off in a world like mine? After that, I just mentioned that it’s a shame he’s just a mookie. If he was healthy, he’d be my partner. Maybe I don’t want to ascribe too much nuance to this, but he didn’t just make a grunting sound and acknowledgment to noise I was making, which is his usual way of ingratiation. This time he read the list. If I

• Stop smoking
• Stop drinking
• Stop using animals for food
• And practice phys cultura?

Just like that. There is of course one more prohibition for car people or anyone who subscribes to gasoline power. Just like that.

And then he was off.

And so was I. To be honest, I was writing when he came by. To be fair, I knew he was coming but not when. So this wasn’t really a begging mission. He was showing up with the steel I had asked him to find and there wasn’t a lot of anger there. Except that old habits are hard to get rid of.

I guess the truth was that I really don’t want to spend all day at the computer. I like things the way they are. I like having a physical life and a mental life. I try to live a sportive existence. So I guess I had a bit too much fire coming out of the gate. I asked to see the steel and he told me it was out at the big gate. That meant I had to walk all the way around the house to check out the steel. He has a way of asking me to move. I’m sure this is part of his reasoning. He’s sure I need his guidance somehow. But I didn’t want to go around the house and so it seemed like the perfect time as any to work on this fence project I’ve been thinking of. I need another road.

So instead of going around the house, I punched my way through the fence. And then came the demonstration of the rebar kung fu and then the discussion of life in general and the money. And this is what would have happened except for one thing. I was now fully occupied and having to clean up a broken fence and make it look like the entrance to a garden.

I bolstered both of the sides and did a little surgery on the cross beams with a hand saw. I took the unoccupied wreckage down to the barn and put it in the garbage pile and then used my new bullshit Chinese hand skythe to make a path where one needed to be and everything was a little more beautiful.

I was just in the finishing touches of this job when getting it came back. As always, he scared me when he said my name and he had a smile and a warm glow on his face. It seems I had taken off to swim trunks when I thought there wouldn’t be any more guests. But I had forgotten to pay the bill and he wanted to know where his money was. I put an extra three rubles for his trouble, finished the fencing job and took a shower.

And this is about where I was when the next two events happened. For some reason the blonde haired single female showed up to try and get into the house across the street from mine. No, not the slightest gentleman the action. Seriously? You people have learned nothing?

I asked her questions that any other neighbor seeing a stranger trying to break into an empty house in the neighborhood but I forgot that her entire family was completely deaf. They are like everyone else from here and only scream and cackle like chickens but failed to share information very well.

Apparently, I misunderstood. You see it come up what I think the problem is is that we have a couple of lunatics who cannot quite understand that their cars are poisonous. Or if they do understand it, I have the Russian mafia living next door. I’ve said it 3 million times. Park the car on the other side of your property and nobody has a problem anymore. But this is not what they do.

I know I’m taking a long time to say these points and maybe I need therapy. I don’t know how to boil this down and I don’t know how to speak without the sarcasm. It’s really not an intellectual thing. It’s an assault on my body. They poison everything and kill everything. They have no conception of life. They have no conception of any reality other than they believe they are poster worthy as examples of good people in the world. An absolute sham of repulsive Gestapo driven propaganda and they have no other understanding of life other than that. Everything is image and nothing else exists. Everything is Instagram here.

I don’t like to dwell in misery. I have a million things I enjoy doing more than dwelling in a bad situation. I don’t tolerate bad situations for very long. I get up and I go home and sometimes I move the way the fuck out into the country just to get away from extremely tiring situations exactly like this. I don’t want public spectacles and what I really don’t want is what happened next.

It seems that I had done such a good job provoking the chickens that they were almost sleepless with worry trying to figure out what to do. I know this for a fact because when I was up in the middle of the night, I saw their television on from their house. They also can’t sleep. No, Ghenna was the only one who screamed my name from the fence to talk to me. He was waiting for some money for some steel. I don’t owe my neighbors any money and I don’t want anything they can touch so of course they didn’t think to come over and say that we should talk about this and put this problem behind us. You could put adjectives on it. Similes or metaphors. Let’s settle this like man. Let’s settle this like normal people. Let’s settle this like civilized people. And they didn’t do this because they are not these people and this is not just my opinion. Normal people do not hold Nazi gasoline rallies right next door to a practicing religious Jew. You do not rev your gasoline engines exactly on Friday night while screaming anti-Semitic phrases and expect me not to do something about it.

Well let me tell you something, I told you I could hit. I’ve told you a hundred times that I know how to hit. I put a charge into that bitch and I don’t think she’s going to come down for quite some time. Because when I did not see that blonde as a good opportunity to politic on my side of the argument, the chicken people ran over there.

They have no other outlet for their frustrations. They have no capacity to reason. They have no ability to accept information. They live in a world of complete and utter illusion manifested by the constant antagonistic pain of a brutally psychopathic female drug addict who thinks for some reason that she’s not a гопник за мкадущий.

To describe what her voice sounded like has already been done. It’s chicken. It is simply a chicken squawking and physically belching out her discomfort. For him, it’s such an interesting thing that he does. I remember first learning about what a corporate suit was back in the seventies when they would talk about Yes Men from the ’60s. And he has a way of speaking that is really stylish in a certain way. He pulls back half of his face and only speaks out of one corner of his mouth like someone with his fist to his diaphragm letting out a really good belch. It’s a bit like watching a Japanese movie without subtitles. Just the texture of the language is all that’s important. And this is the thing that I’m talking about. He doesn’t actually speak. He imitates Russian. I mean, he is Russian, but he’s imitating Russian like a person making nonsense syllables in a French accent. He is technically speaking his language but he is not passing any information. He’s imitating the act of passing information and doing so in a particular style that he believes will get results.

Who the fuck was the mystical blonde woman? Was she an important political player in this deal? Will her vote tip the scales or will she carry the plight of our desperate partisan heroes who are getting overwhelmed by a single naked Jew screaming at them from his garden about their cars.

Fuck me. Seriously, do you believe this fucking comedy of nimrods? If they weren’t murdering people, we could put them on TV. If they weren’t literally destroying the ecology of the planet Earth, we could call them vaudeville. The two of them would make wonderful black and white film stars. They would be photographed beautifully, they could wear beautiful clothes and they could pretend that they were saying important things when in fact they weren’t doing anything at all but posing for pictures.

I should probably end this report right now and I don’t remember if I’ve already said this or not but there was a really good laugh about this pickle Garden of mine which is looking quite good really. The whole Three sisters thing we did is just outstanding and that back border garden is a work of art. But the best part of agricultural art is that it’s functional. It seems like the biggest problem here is that none of these flamboyant cocksuckers ever goes home and fucks their lives. I was just thinking that I’m going to have a bunch of pickles and I can just throw them over the fence to the women and they can make use of them any damn way they feel like while they’re men are away being real men.