We just finished reading the story of Lu San in the new Utopian, currently under production, and we ran into a problem so familiar that I thought it really should be here so at least folks could be aware of it.

What? What have I done that’s so stupid?

Nothing. It’s just a matter of understanding where we should now put our attention.

And what should I write?

No, you are putting the cart ahead of the horse. What we need to do now is take a good solid look at the picture that has been made for us so we can talk about it.

And what should we talk about?

Yes, Sash, I can do Practical English in my sleep. I know my book backwards and forwards. We’re not talking about my ability, we’re talking about your ability.

We don’t need your English.

I am not going to lose track that we are supposed to be talking about what has just been written in the Utopian. No matter how much you want to distract us from our goal of finishing this homework, I will never forget that we are here to look at a picture.

Fine. What’s the business?

No, Sasha, I’m not trying be your buddy for pay. Truthfully, you’re an interesting guy, absolutely undoubtedly on a planetary level, you are an interesting guy. But after 20,000 classes, dude, you just need to give me some credit for experience.

I understand. So what is the lesson?

Okay. So we have read the story, every word, right?

Yes. We have read it and we understand your point of view.

Well, technically it’s not my point of view. It is a point of view. It’s actually better manners, грамотность, to look at things without including me in the picture as if I was a pork chop and you were hungry.

Clearly, this is a vegan argument.

Sasha, it’s all been a vegan argument. All 6 million fucking words.

Fine. Let’s go further.

So where are we, who is here and what is happening. Take your best shot at it.

Me? You’re the teacher. Show me how to do it.

I did show you how to do it. I’ve been showing you how to do it since the day you arrived. I’ve been… Okay, no sarcasm but maybe you can understand my point of view about that. It’s your English, not mine.

But how can we know English if you don’t tell us?

At this point I’m rubbing my eyes furiously. I know the answer is only three words long and I know that I should just say these words. And I wasn’t holding back out of some sense of drama. It just never failed to amaze me but they never understood this next point as if no one ever told them it was even possible. Or, if their entire world conspired to deny them the possibility of even thinking about it.

You have to do this yourself. You have to do it without my help and without a computer’s help and without a friend’s help and without your lawyers help or your soldiers or your relatives or anybody that might pop up out of the woodwork thinking they have an opportunity. I know you’re busy guy. I’m just saying that I can’t give you anything. I can just show you the way and if you listen to me, you’ll be happy and I’ll be happy and probably everybody will be happy.

Going. Talk. What’s next?

So, no matter what I do and no matter what I say, you just going to stare at me instead of trying to figure out how to do this exercise.

Как по-английски пошёл на хуй?

It’s the same thing. Take a look and tell me what you see.

Fine. There are two people. One is this sword master and the other is his Warlord. The warlord is visiting his friend but the swordmaster does not want to talk to the warlord.

Exactly. Now, why doesn’t the master wish to speak to the warlord?

Because he is frightened.

And…

What and? If he’s frightened, that’s enough. The warlord wins as it must be.

Believe it or not, this is another eye rubbing moment.

They’re not arguing your point here. I’m only mentioning that it is good English to explain what you say. Put that concept into an English sentence and you’ve done your job.

Understood. He doesn’t want to speak because he is frightened. The warlord has power and The swordsman cannot fight him.

But the swordsmen could fight him. In the story, he was only one and a half steps away and had the knowledge to kill the warlord. True, it would be suicide but if the master believed it was worth it somehow, it was a possibility.

So only if the power was equal could they speak.

Excellent use of inversion.

I did my homework.

Did the sportsman want to kill the warlord?

Okay, here is a good question. Does he think he has a good reason to kill him? They do not talk about politics or problems with other warlords. Only the warlord wants to speak with his friend about important business.

Yes. But the master declines to speak. Why?

Because he’s frightened? No. He’s not frightened. He just doesn’t like him.

Why not?

Because he’s not interesting to him.

Sasha, this is called circular logic. We can’t say we like it because it’s interesting or that it’s interesting because we like it. It’s a redundancy, you see?

Mr…

Let’s keep our attention where it needs to be. And maybe less distraction and we just stay in one place until we fix the problem. Why doesn’t he like him?

Because he is stealing his calm.

Exactamundo. And you said you couldn’t do Practical English.

I have a good teacher.