Wednesday, June 15th 2022

Vegan shawarma

I have talked many times about having something akin to orgasmic feelings while eating since becoming vegan. It’s not just that something tastes good, it’s your body’s physical reaction to receiving something it wants very very much. 

I think this video comes as close to this as anything I’ve seen in a long time. This one hits all the notes that I have been talking about. It’s bar food. It’s after bar food. It’s a sandwich with fresh bread. It’s all of the tastes and the flavor and the texture that you’re looking for. It’s even fire cooked and Smokey.

To bring this back to reality, you could probably do something pretty similar with simple champignon mushrooms. At the end of the day, though there is nuance, it’s a mushroom sandwich. Nevertheless, if you are a foodie like me, enjoy this and consider that everything you think is wonderful in life is possible without violence to anyone or anything.

***

Good morning. It’s a little after 7:00 and I am watching the Giants Royals game. Logan Webb pitched an excellent seven innings of shutout ball. There was a great play out in right field to keep him in the game. But then they brought in submarine thrower Tyler Rogers and he continues to be replaceable this year. Phenoms come and phenoms go but 85 mph to a Major League hitter is not threatening no matter what angle it comes from. The Giants are holding on now three to two and are batting in the eighth.

The plan today is to go to town. My list for the market is somewhat extensive. I need to see if I can find some new fittings for my water tanks. I’m probably going to go to a different type of hose and pick up a few meters of that. Also, I’m going to see if I can find some t-posts and some inexpensive fencing material. My original idea was to use wood to trellis the pickles, the beans and the peas. Now, I think I might be happier with some simple fencing and steel rods to hold it in place. I like this idea because it’s infinitely movable and probably long-lasting. Sustainability, right?

Also, last night I had a conversation with the ex partner and spent some time going through the catalog to see what kind of surface pumps are available. I found one that I like for about 200 rubles. It works with the same size hose I have now, it’s a bit more powerful than the one I have but it seems to be reasonably quiet. I found a couple that would work just fine that we’re smaller and a bit cheaper, maybe $25 cheaper, but I like the idea of quiet. I actually do not care at all about my neighbors tranquility. But I do care about the assault I put on the birds. Yes, I need to water. No, I do not have to butcher everything just to do it.

The issue today though will be whether I stay in town to even have lunch with my ex partner. Something tells me that if I am successful finding the materials I need, I might seriously be better off jumping in a cab and taking everything with me without stopping over. I don’t think this is going to create a row. The forecast is calling for a little bit of rain everyday until Saturday so with no particular watering to do, I could even make two trips to town. A second one would just be for the visit and perhaps to pick up some food.

About buying food, that’s not even really necessary. I could use some more flour. Bread is always nice to have around. So are noodles and steamed buns. And if I really want to be super cheap about it, there are always dried peas and white flour available locally for very, very little money.

If I’m making bread, I much prefer whole wheat flour. I don’t much like white flour very much at all. I believe in rice the same way. I will take brown rice every time over white rice. However, if it’s a matter of expense or like in my case where it’s a bit of an effort to get to the markets to find these things, you can always make your own blends. Literally, mixing in pea flower or at least grinding peas as small as you can enriches bread and adds to the nutrition, protein and fiber content. You can also throw oats in there as well or even grind down some greens into the wet ingredient.

But then again, having just finished my little morning stretch, I could probably lighten up a little bit. I could lose 20 pounds happily. I could probably even say 20 kilos with a straight face. During the summer, it’ll probably be a lot more comfortable if I take it easy on my food intake.

One more word about that, I am past the barrier of addiction. This is where it takes about 3 days to get used to anything. Your body adjusts to what it is asked to do. If you want to take up bicycling, the first day feels like something, the second and then the third and by the time you get to the 4th or fifth day, you’re pretty much used to it. Within 2 weeks, it’s incredibly normal. I don’t specifically remember when I put the oil in the cupboard, but I have been either dry cooking in an iron skillet or using a little water for about a week and I feel much, much clearer for it. I’ve been off store bread and macaroni and I don’t particularly mind their loss either.

Maybe you can tell that I am a bit euphoric these days. I am truly falling into a nice groove here. The work that I need to do is not very taxing. There has been a lot of mechanical work which truthfully, I prefer to agricultural work. I am not really very nurturing. Perhaps at one point I was a bit more delicate and gentlemanly, now it’s just logic, math and mechanics. I am not feeling the sweetness very much. I don’t mind its loss either.

This isn’t to say that I am a brute murderer. I don’t get crazy at all. I still yell a bit when I get upset and frustrated but I don’t start smashing things. I haven’t done that in years and years and years.

This is one thing I noticed when I was living with my ex-girlfriend. She had no problem breaking things. And she was pretty notorious for it actually and we had one or two regretful parties where some furniture got broken. Meaningless experiences to her but it genuinely hurt me. Some of that furniture had been around for a really long time and suddenly it was ruined. Sure, if I genuinely put my mind to it, it is fixable. But still, not breaking it in the first place it’s probably the better way to do things.

This however is something that comes with age. Perhaps there are young people who are incredibly sensitive and nuanced in their movements. I don’t want to say if this is a male female thing. I have known some ludicrously brutal and vicious females. If I even allow myself a moment to think of it, I can see my relatives wife with her eyes bulging screaming in my face hysterically. Her drug addict homosexual son had told her a lie and she went berserkers because of it. Such people exist. Believe me, I grew up with a berserker mother. Lots of brutal women are out there.

Of course, you get older and you change physically. In my case, quite a few physical changes and this means something. I’ve definitely become more gentle with myself. I am not completely fragile. I am a bit more aware of pain and causing myself harm now. But I still ride my track bike. I still get my body into moving things around where I can. I can still demand of myself to go through pain a little bit when something is required.

But with age definitely comes an awareness of causing harm or breaking things. I wouldn’t say that I am more easy socially than earlier. I was certainly a nicer person earlier. I was more open to people approaching me than I am now. But I’m quite sure that I am more painless than I used to be. It takes me a few minutes to rev up. I will use even a few more light touches to get out of things I don’t want to be in. I don’t go straight to threats anymore.

“Do not mistake my kindness for weakness”

This is a phrase I learned while playing ball in San Francisco. We had a good team one year but we had a rivalry with an all Hispanic team. I think we had a mixed race team looking back. Race was not the big deal. But we were playing near the mission district and our opposition was all Hispanic. I think we got along well as rivals. I don’t remember if we ever went drinking together after one of our games.

This is something that the captain of their team said to me one day. It was a bit of a warning. And it was prophetic at the end of the day.

We were practicing on a particular field and this was in their neighborhood. The two teams got together and we decided to play and literally, I think we lost the first 10 games. I was managing this team, a job I didn’t have at the start of the season but one I ended up with when the previous manager decided he just couldn’t take the stress. Somewhere in the 10th game or so I quietly mentioned to the shortstop that it might actually be more fun if we won occasionally. He thought this was the greatest idea since sliced bread and immediately called out to the rest of the team that “the old man” wanted to win. For some reason, this was inspirational and we did not lose again until we got to the playoffs.

That was actually a great year. I was thunder at the plate. I remember our opening day game where I had six hits and a pair of homers, the last one a grand slam that ended up on the freeway. You can’t let memories like that go.

That statement came just before the playoff game. We had beaten this other team a bunch of times in a row and our guys were kind of cocky. Actually, I don’t mean to get racial about it, but if I go back to that day in my memory and specifically think about the faces, our Hispanic players were a bit nervous going into the game.

Their manager was playing third base and somebody, not me and none of the Hispanic guys said something. It was just trash talk. I don’t think it was racial. I really don’t remember what was said. But their manager looked over his shoulder and said those prophetic words. Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.

We played a hell of a game. We found a weakness in their second baseman and exploited it for a couple of runs but it was a hard-fought game that went right down to the wire. And then they got a couple of guys on base and then the ball went through the legs of our own second baseman and they were dancing and popping beers and we were walking slowly back to the dugout. The season was over. It was a hell of a run but we lost our last game.

Sometimes I think of these trips to town as ball games. It’s very similar really. It’s a bike ride that I have to execute well. There’s a time schedule and because I’m taking a service road that tends to be sandy, it’s a bit of a fight. There’s also a little bit of single tracking to get to the train station. Of course, there’s also getting on the train, putting your bike in a place where it’s not going to fall or get in someone’s way and then getting off the train. All of this requires some sense of skill. You can make a mistake and get hurt. Don’t make any mistakes and you’re doing okay.

If I want to beat myself down, I probably should have been done with all of this a while ago. My systems do not always work for various reasons. Sometimes I get a thought in my head and start working on it but then I get distracted and other things become important. The business of getting gutters on the barn roof went on for a hell of a long time. And as is very popular in the excuse department, supply chain problems are always relevant. If I want to be self-deprecative, I could probably say that I have been too lazy this year or too soft on myself. Maybe I’ve been too delicate where I should have been more brutal to make things happen. This would be the main point any of the alcoholics would say against me. I’m just not drinking and that’s why I’m not brutal enough to do the job.

But let’s say that what’s needed is what’s needed and a light touch or a brutal touch can be replaced by an accurate touch. Maybe all that’s important is to make the Right moves at the right time and not beat yourself up too much for the errors.

The Giants held on to win this game. Tyler Rogers was not effective but he did not relinquish the lead. The Giants got one insurance run and then Camilo Doval, the man the Giants want to be their closer actually did his job today. Doval has also been having his problems this year blowing saves when he had the chance. Probably, he still hurts from ending the Giants 107 win season last year when he hit a guy with the bases loaded to end everything. See? We all make mistakes.

Anyway, I’ve got about 90 minutes to get ready. I haven’t been outside yet and I’d like to have a look around and see if we picked up any water last night. I hope I can find the correct fittings at the market. I hope I can find some t-posts or somebody who has some scrap metal for me that I can use to trellis the grapes. I’m getting into the home stretch as far as building is concerned. There’s going to be some level of maintenance but I’m getting there. It’s pretty close. It’s been a big project and I’ve been banging on this for about a half a year. I’ve been banging on this project and I’ve been banging on myself to do this project. Slow but sure. Step by step. That’s how you do it.

***

It’s 4:00 in the afternoon and I have been home for about an hour. I took a cab home and we had the usual conversation where he Bates me by telling me how much he likes meat and I say about 5,000 words about cannibalism or the human species ineffectiveness as hunters. It’s a good way to waste time while you’re sitting in a car for 15 minutes.

The day went well and I would say that I pretty much filled out my entire list. This did not include metal fencing but I did manage to find all of the connections I need to connect up the rest of my water tanks. I think. I also found the piece I need to fix the broken one and I got a bunch of hose and hose clamps to make sure that everything gets connected. I went with a softer form of hose. Somebody said they didn’t like it but they understood how difficult it was working with the other one. We shall see. This is not a big money deal and as of the moment, I believe flexibility is more important.

I’ll do all of the tank work tomorrow. We might get a little bit of rain. I have barrels in place to catch all of it. Truthfully, I might get two more. I don’t think I’d be wasting money or that it’s Overkill. And yes, we did pick out a new pump. I think it will be powerful enough if not kind of Overkill. I bought a little bit more than we need. Better safe than sorry and the price was not so different.

I also did a gutter extension that draws the water right to the tank. I tried talking to a few people who are in the business and I didn’t really get the vibe I wanted. In my head, I had the perfect way to do this. Even it was not a matter of understanding my Russian, they just wanted to tell me how smart they were and how dumb I was. So at the end of the day, I decided just to hillbilly it and copied what Dima did and it looks fine and I tied it up with a bit of wire so it’s not going anywhere. Water flows down the pipe and into the downpipe and into the barrel. This is not rocket science and we tie the three barrels together and we have plenty of water.

I also managed to get the full story about metal fencing. I found the place and I understand what it’s going to cost. What I need is absolutely no big deal whatsoever except that I am again going to need to take a cab. The length of tubing I needed for my gutters pretty much said I was not getting over there on my bicycle. Perhaps, I could have talked the cab driver into making a stop. Maybe that would have been the best thing to do in the world. No use crying over spilled milk. We will get it in time.

Other than that, the only thing to talk about is how difficult it was to get my brain straight during all of this. It wasn’t really so hot, it was just really mentally challenging trying to remember everything I needed. I wrote it all down to be sure but these downspout people we’re just unpleasant to deal with. The guy I got the couplings from is great. He is no bullshit and fast and doesn’t break my brain. He doesn’t even beat me too much about being from another country. Just another day doing business. Exactly how I like it.

The others had a habit of making things too complex. It wasn’t that it was too complex for me to understand, it was too complex so that it would make me spend more money. This was irritating. At a slightly higher level than what I went for eventually, I just needed a length of gutter sufficient enough to go between two existing straps with a downspout in the middle of it. That downspout would need a slight angle change and then a tube to get it into the barrel. After that, it’s not a big deal. For some reason though, they kept telling me I had to buy the whole package or how many variants there were or how difficult it was to figure out the size. I bought one tube, I cut a hole in the top and stuck it on the end of The gutter and connected it with wire. Water flows directly into the bucket with no problem and the buckets are tied together.

Was this a hillbilly fix? Absolutely. Who’s arguing with this? I live in the Republic of Belarus. Why do you think I live in the Republic of Belarus?

The thing is, the job is done, the tube cost me 20 rubles, about $8 and now it’s attached to my house and leading into three reservoir buckets. At the end of the day, I currently have 2500 l of water storage and basically one tank of the 10 is enough to water everything on the field. And if this new pump works as it is supposed to, we will have enough water flow to get to the most difficult to reach places and even be a bit more efficient getting water where we need it. And I do not have to tax my well one bit as long as we get a little bit of rain now and again.

I also got a free pickle barrel because I’m a good customer.

On the way back in the cab, I gave him one of my favorite arguments about why human beings are supposed to be vegetarians. Completely naked, there is no possible way he could take down any animal or have a prayer not only of killing it but of getting nourishment from it. There are some minor exceptions but just based on our own physicality, other than insects or eggs, he would starve to death if he actually had to take an animal like an animal.

I on the other hand could happily walk out onto my own little territory completely naked and have plenty to eat these days. I do exactly that pretty much every morning and use one of my buckets as a salad bar happily. And even if I don’t want my own things that are growing, the salt Bush and the horseradish leaves keep me in enough greens to get through at least half my day. As far as the other half goes, vegan shopping is very cheap if you’re just looking for local basics. My bill in the market was 23 rubles for packages of chickpeas, 3 kilos of whole grain rye flour and two packages of rice noodles just because I like noodles. And what? What else do we need?

Within a month or so, I’m going to have all the Cherry plums I can stand. I have a functioning apple tree and a functioning walnut tree. I also have a black plum tree and another plum from the forest that seems to be forgotten. Within a couple of years, there will be berries in as much quantity as I can stand, grapes, pears, apples, apricots, several different types of nuts in addition to these sweet potatoes were cultivating now, regular white potatoes and all of the greens, corn, sunflower seeds and beans. Within two or three years, I’ll have more food than I can ever eat. And if I count the wild stuff now, I’m already about 40% self-sufficient and what we planted is not even in yet.

And who knows, maybe a little work will come in from time to time. I’m not particularly starving for money either. I can get by for quite some time. But a little money might not be so bad. I don’t need much.

I’m just really tired right now. I’m tired and my legs hurt a bit. I often get tired as the week progresses. I’m just being a little bit more active than my body wants to. I’d rather be lazy. I feel like being lazy now. Yeah, I think it’s about time to get something to eat and be lazy for a little while.

***

Okay, it’s a little bit after 8:00 and I am working out the final details for an order with my ex partner. We are getting the new water pump, I need another box of screws, we’re getting a 10 L spray bottle to spray something offensive but not particularly deadly on our cabbages and trees and I think we might try a few bags of wood bark mulch. I would not say that our forest garbage is terrible but it is uneven and eventually blows away. Maybe I’m wasting money on this stuff but compared to the cost of a wood chipper, I don’t think it’s that painful.

The water pump is the main thing. Water always seems to be the most important thing. Even the mulch is there to hold water inside the boxes. It also prevents weeds but I think it’s important for overall soil health to lay down a layer of something.

The thing about building a garden, and I’m speaking as someone in his first year of actually trying to do something, is to keep yourself from going crazy overspending. Anything you love ends up being a money pit. In this case, I think everything we’re getting is genuinely practical. I’m not buying anything particularly aesthetic. It’s just all basic tools.

I guess I sound pretty American right now. Or I probably sound pretty American if you are from here. My ex-partner loves spending money. These buying sojourns I think are more for her than for me. In this case though, there is a practical idea. I don’t really want to have to carry a water pump home. The fact that it seems to be 50 rubles less to order it with a delivery means something. Max partner simply thinks of the convenience but I usually want local people to get the benefit. In this case though, it’s a checkmate so I’m going to try to get everything we need in one order and be done with it. I’m still not sure if this pump comes with all the fittings or not but fittings I can carry in my bike bag, no problem.

For sure though, this is going to be the last large purchase I make for quite some time. Unless we have a breakdown and something needs to be fixed, I’m going to close up my wallet after this one probably till the end of the season. If I invest in anything else, it will be glass for saving food.

Today when I got to the train station I had about 15 minutes. I checked the time on my phone and then thought about doing something electronically but then thought better of it. I just put the phone back in my bag and forgot about it.

I sat down in the grass next to the platform and leaned over on my elbow, using my bike bag as a pillow. It was very very quiet sitting there with nothing but the sound of the wind making the trees move around and shake their leaves a bit. I remember admiring the grass swaying with the wind, it’s seed pods bending but never breaking. I was thinking how nice it was not to be staring at my telephone. It was very pleasant to let my brain go for a second. It’s nice not challenging myself to think or spend money or be told some ridiculous fact. It was good to be offline.

I talked about a lot of things here but one great irony is that of the feedback that I do get here, it always seems to be juxtaposed against other electronic entertainment. I’ve been told many times that I’m doing it wrong. I probably am. But if I were to say just one thing that was absolutely the truth, it is that I’m trying to write about life that is not online. I am trying to talk about things that are not exciting. I’m just talking about living my life in reality.