Tuesday, June 7th 2022

You can put psychological words on this such as depression. You could talk about mood or you can make comments about how staying positive is so important. You can worry about the face you show to the world or the clothes you wear or how you believe you want to be perceived by other people. Or you can just let it fly and say what you think and tell the truth to the nth degree possible. And sometimes, when you follow that thought, you end up with some genuine truths. These are the truths that mean something and all the rest of it just ends up in the garbage heap.

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It’s 7:30 in the morning and I am contemplating the possibility of considering thinking about perhaps enjoying the potential risk factors of getting up. In other words, I am in no great Rush.

As per my usual over analysis of all things, my lack of ambition has everything to do with not having a whole hell of a lot to do except makework. Makework is good. Sometimes makework builds upon itself and leads to good things. Most of the ways I have supported myself in life came from some random idea I had that followed through into something better. You plant a few seeds and something grows. You never can tell.

This year is different though. This year things have kind of come into a different form of clarity. Getting raped and robbed by relatives didn’t help. This last hospitalization, though reasonably successful, has had unforeseen negatives. These negatives are attached of course to the war along with the usual prejudices that people have. This year, I’ve kind of lost a lot of my optimism. It seems as though the world just wants to beat it out of me. No one is supposed to be optimistic. Everyone must accept the power!

To some people, accepting the power is easy. Some people just lie down on their back and off of their belly for a stroke. They don’t think too hard about anything and just want a kind hand from their masters. I’m sure these are the ideal people for the animal farmers. And then there are the obsequious fagots who want to rise within this power structure. They are always printing and preening for their Master’s favor and begging for their opportunities to show how wonderful they are. I hate people like this. My relative probably fits into this category.

Then there are the basically useless people who don’t really understand anything and who just go with the flow. They are not quite laying down and dying, they just don’t really understand the difference and don’t worry too much. Working at a minimum level to have enough money to keep yourself in alcohol and cigarettes pretty much belies any political thinking or wondering if we are going in a decent direction or not.

Probably there is a class of educated voters who believe in decency in public policy. These are different from the obsequious glad-handers. Perhaps they actually believe that putting their efforts towards good and practical things will lead to good and practical ends. Perhaps there are some people who genuinely care. My thoughts are the sustainability and ecology people probably fall within this class. Maybe this is my group.

After this, carpetbaggers and drug dealers and people trying to make money off of human misery anyway they can. Bottom feeders, scavengers, parasites. Drunk and depraved, drugged and unconscious. Digging through the mud blind as worms hoping that something falls into their mouth to either allow them to live or to be free of the pain of life.

I’m just getting older. I’m getting older and I’m getting tired of the pain. I’m getting tired of the pain of life. I’m getting tired of getting up for games. I’m getting tired of useless and pointless fights for things that don’t matter. I’m getting tired of being forced to talk to people I don’t want to talk to or listen to or have anywhere near me. I’m tired of smelling poisons. I’m tired of having my life Disturbed. I’m tired of being forced to look at idiots being idiots and wasteful polluters just adding to the garbage of the world.

But then again, maybe this is just mood. Maybe this is not deep truth but just some way I feel right now. Probably it’s my diet. Usually it’s the things you eat that have the greatest effect on your thinking. Food and fear of death. These are usually pretty big factors. Maybe sex if you’re younger. But even then, you can’t get away from food and fear.

Whether you believe this or not, there is still cooking oil in the bottle but the bottle has been resigned to the back of the closet. I don’t really have any place to pour it out so it’ll just sit quietly in the closet. Maybe it’ll come out sometime. Maybe I’ll need a cheap cheat meal or something. 

Dinner last night was just fine. I made noodle soup with a ton of field greens. Let me tell you something about eating wild horseradish leaves. Despite all of the cabbage and spinach and salad growing in my boxes, despite all of the work to build the boxes and hand carry the dirt with a wheelbarrow to fill the boxes and all of the human effort to plant and weed and take care of this stuff, I have a limitless supply of rather healthy greens available to me without doing a damn thing. And once you get into eating them, though they are a little sharp and bitter fresh, any cooking brings out their sweetness and simply washing and chopping them and tossing them into soup is outstanding. Just a few lentils in there for some protein and a little bit of seasoning and it was rock and roll. Delicious and filling and I’m not even a little bit hungry today.

I’m not saying that I absolutely don’t need store-bought food. I’m still reliant on things that I can’t do myself for most of my diet. All I’m saying is that step by step, I’m figuring out a lot about what is possible or not.

Yesterday I cut off a lower branch of my big walnut tree. Walnut trees are notorious for breaking vegetable gardens. There is a natural element occurring in walnut trees called juglone which acts as a serious deterrent against competition. However, the leaves, bark and walnut husks all have more than reasonable medicinal value. Also, there is a natural fragrance from Walnut leaves which is seriously citrus like and fresh. Perhaps too fresh.

After I cut off the branch, I stripped the leaves and left them on a blanket to dry. There is a very good tea to be made from this and it’s supposed to be very good at killing gut parasites and being beneficial to your kidneys and bladder.

But then in a moment of bravado, I smelled the beautiful fragrance and stuck a leaf in my mouth and ate it. And at first, it had a rather lovely taste but then as I chewed, it turned into a very sharp nasty flavor. Not overwhelmingly so, just a little off. My body did not particularly like having this leaf but I wasn’t faced with enough negativity to need to vomit or anything like that. My excretory system sort of revved up to get rid of it quickly but most probably, this is a good thing. I never acted on any of these urges. They were minor and for the most part, I went through the rest of the day just fine.

But now this morning I’m starting to understand that eating that leaf was probably some kind of a super vitamin. It’s like waking up to pure consciousness or genuine physical stability. Not hungry and I don’t have any static nervousness and I seem to have complete control over my thoughts. I have no problem finding words. Everything is flowing nicely.

So as for a scientific analysis of the difference, taking the oil out of the diet and stopping the factory bread and adding more than a bit of wild food and suddenly, everything has stabilized and turned easy.

Scientifically, this is simply anecdotal evidence. This is a One-Shot deal and truthfully, I’m looking forward to the tea when the leaves go dry. I’ve also thought that it might not be a bad idea to take a few fresh leaves and bring them into the house and lay them in the corners. Sort of a natural potpourri really. It really has a very nice citrusy smell. And of course, there is just a little bit more light, hopefully enough for a spot for my ex partners lavender.

Lavender is also an incredibly fragrant plant of course. It flowers, of course. And of course you can make a very lovely tea from it and it also has its own medicinal values. It’s also pretty good I understand at deterring mosquitoes and flies. A very good reason to leave it near the front of the house.

One final thought about this particular spot that I’m talking about, I have a poppy plant growing there. There are some issues about growing poppies. People are afraid of making narcotics from them. Heroin is made from poppies. I just like them to drop on bread. There are also the usual medicinal properties from this and the giant red flowers are absolutely beautiful. I didn’t plant this flower, the previous owner did but I’m very happy when they begin to grow and make their appearances in June. They really are quite lovely and harvesting the seed pods is not difficult at all. And then just sprinkle them on dough when you’re making bread with some salt, perhaps some onion and garlic and sesame seeds and voila, you have an “everything bagel“.

All things in their own time. Baby steps. Each day is its own and has its own possibilities. All we can do is try to make the best of what we have.

Personally, I plan on being kind today. I plan on taking it easy. Perhaps I will do some work in some areas that require some work. Perhaps I’ll spend some time at the computer and perhaps I’ll go out and spend some time in my garden. You never can tell what’s going to happen. The only thing I know for sure is that my number one plan is to take it easy and try to enjoy the day. And to practice kindness. I think today is a good day to practice kindness.

One final bit of mathematics. Stephen Colbert answered the question about what hell was. His quick answer was the absence of God’s love. If this is true and God is love, this means that nature is love. And at the moment, I am truly believing that this is true.

If god = love and nature = god, nature = love. 

***

It’s about 3:30 and I guess I’m winding up all of the hard work I’ve been doing today. I’m being ridiculously sarcastic here. Today was not a wasted day, today was a day of absolutely nothing. No, I don’t want to say that. Today was just a day that I felt very good despite the fact that I did not do a lot of anything anywhere.

Actually, that’s not true either. I did do something today. Well, I didn’t do it, Lena did it.

I don’t know if Lena is a memorable character from last year or not. She’s a local girl. I wouldn’t say a girl really. She’s definitely a grown woman. Her husband died sometime ago and she has been a friend to those who have no friends for quite some time. She is a popular local girl.

When I first came here, I’m talking really about my first days here, she showed up to my house on a Saturday and pleaded her case why she was a girl that I should depend on for girl type stuff. We didn’t actually hit it off the first time. It was Saturday and she was definitely nagging me and I don’t like being nagged on Saturdays. Actually, I never like being nagged but it’s especially bad when people think they have access to me on Saturdays. It’s one of the reasons that nobody ever has access on Saturdays anymore.

I wasn’t impressed and I wasn’t interested but she hung in there and talked her way into a job cleaning my floors. Now, this is not such a big deal and it doesn’t take too much time to come in and wipe down my floors. The problem or at least the interesting part of this was that last year I had a massive foot infection and was leaving spots of biological material all over everything every time I stood up. If the floors weren’t kept clean, all of this stuff would have ended up festering and this house would not have been worth living in for anybody. Also at the time I was not available to do this work myself for obvious reasons.

Lena became my go-to person for this and she showed up like clockwork. She’s in this for the money. She’s not looking for me to be anything particular in her life except to be available for a paying job now and again. I’m saying this in a rather cold way because the truth is I like her. She is a hard-working girl and though I don’t believe in this relationship as going past maid service, I don’t mind having her come in and work here one bit.

Or rather I didn’t mind her doing this. I didn’t mind it until I got absolutely sick of people coming to me for money. I did get sick of people coming to be for money. I got sick of being worked. I got sick of having people play with my emotions. I got sick of people working me. Actually, I just really got sick.

I tried to organize all of this ridiculous labor into at least a weekly payout. I figured the best way to stop all of this begging and people coming to my door was simply to say that there was only one day to get paid. No matter what you did during the week, nobody asks me for money. You just do your job and on Friday you get your money.

This kind of worked for one week and then fell completely apart. None of these people were looking for jobs. They just wanted some money to go to the store. Whether they were buying, as Lena says, milk, sour cream and bread or whether they were buying alcohol in one of the many forms available in that store it is not my business. I’m not the only one who does day work with these folks. Or, again, did day work until I closed the entire thing down. Everybody got sent off shortly before I shut everything down and ended up in the hospital. Again, I was sick of everything and I was very sick.

As an aside to this story, today Lena and I engaged in our favorite dirty talk. We talked about my neighbors. Like I said, Lena is very good at working me and she has no problem talking shit about the neighbors. Actually, she’s too good at it because she’s always good at telling me all the nefarious dealings that these folks are into. And believe me, they are into being garbage. I got a chance to use some really cool Russian insults about trailer trash. It’s not hard to make Lena laugh when she knows she’s good for a paycheck.

Why she is back has something to do with my last trip to town. For some reason, either directly from my ex partner or from people generally, the word seems to have gotten around that I’m being nice again. In fact, the word that got around that eventually found its way back to me is that I was trying to be charming.

I don’t really know that I was trying to be charming specifically. I know that at the bank, the ladies there broke a record for efficiency and workmanship in getting me a new bank card. The woman helping me was almost vibrating with enthusiasm to get the job done as quickly and efficiently as possible. She took no prisoners and I praised her profusely and thanked her for the fantastic effort. If this is being charming, I must be Cary Grant.

It is amazing how quickly word flies. The next day, Lena was at my gate asking if I needed any help whatsoever. She reminded me that she used to wash clothes for me and reminded me but my floor probably hasn’t been cleaned in quite some time. She reminded me how we used to get along together and said she was very much available if I needed any help whatsoever.

Maybe I’m overthinking this. Maybe it’s just beautiful warm weather. Maybe with all of the plants starting to bloom and grow, everybody’s in a good mood. People here live on potatoes and if my potatoes are any indication, this all must have started with a potato mood. When the potatoes really start to pop, everybody knows that they are not going to starve. Probably true this year more than many, many others.

Okay, maybe it’s a case that flattery will get you everywhere or maybe I just really didn’t want to hurt anybody. She wanted to work right away and frankly, this was Friday. Probably I should have accepted her offer to have the house put together in time for my day off. I actually did rethink this after the fact. But eventually I decided that if she really was okay, I could probably afford a few rubles and truly, it would be nice to have the house be cleaner than it is. I am doing most of my own work these days, almost all of it during the week when my ex partner is not here. But of course I’m a guy, not a woman, and if we’re talking about keeping things clean, well, I make a lot of compromises.

She showed up on time today. Actually she showed up early. I heard somebody knocking on something but I didn’t bother to answer it. A little while later I got up and popped the fence and sure enough she was standing there. Actually, she wasn’t standing there, I’m saying the word actually a lot, she was standing a few meters to the left. Lena is almost blind if I’ve never said this. I’m not actually sure of what she can and cannot see. I think she is as blind as she wants to be or maybe she just sees general shapes. She cleans the floor by hand so I guess her head is close enough to the job to know what she’s doing.

Anyway, for about 45 minutes it was old time nostalgia. I picked up all of the rugs myself and helped with the sweeping. I prefer sweeping first before mopping. Lena goes right in there by hand and picks everything up but I definitely don’t think this is the good way to do this. I don’t care about our people and I don’t care about anybody’s expertise. First you sweep and then you mop and that helps the world go around in the correct way.

It was enjoyable though. Not only do we know each other and not only was she really the only one in this town who was with me when I really needed her last year but she’s a talker. She’s not just a talker, she’s a loud talker. She’s also an easy laugh and I have never seen her be more than what she is. The woman does not put on airs. Literally, she is painless and agrees to take my suffering away from me without asking too much for herself at all. She is the polar opposite of the chicken woman. Where the chicken woman believes that her right is to rule by pain, Lena simply wants to be a part of things as painlessly as humanly possible.

The house is sparkling. The rugs are up and mostly are heading into the closet for the summer. This house has a very specific way of working. In the winter, with a fire or electric heaters working and the air rising, the cold air comes up through the floorboards and works brutally on anybody walking barefoot or trying to sit on the floor. I bought a bunch of rug samples to stop the flow of air. Probably one of my jobs this summer is to build up these rugs with a wooden frame and maybe even some insulating squares. Sort of modern tatami. But in the summertime, this house is glorious in how cool it is even on the hottest days. In the winter, you can’t sit in the office too long no matter what kind of heating device or how many rugs you put down. In the summer, you never want to leave this room.

Just like that everything got nicer. 

You might think badly of me in this regard. You might think that I’m just taking advantage. Or maybe you address the male female deal here and condemn me for thinking with My Dick. This is how most people see the situation. Some locals don’t blame me at all for this and others shake their heads and look down their noses at me because Lena is just a local girl.

All I can say is last year I gave a lot of people a try despite outward appearances. When that asshole cop was here, he had no problem assigning low rent thoughts towards the local alcoholic set. He works very well with the chicken woman and also likes to rule by pain and violence. It’s a shame that this is how the state now represents itself. It’s just a stupid poor little country. We don’t have anything for anybody. I don’t know why they need the extra violence. I don’t know why they need the extra egotism. We don’t have to be Russia. 

But I did give everyone a try and at least I learned who and how they were. The cop praised me highly before stabbing me in the back with the chicken woman for keeping my gate closed. And truly, my gate is closed right now and I have no plans to reopen it anytime soon. But I did open it up for Lana today. I did not see very much good from anyone else and this has nothing to do with Lena being a female and the rest of them being male. It could possibly be that but more likely, Lena just does what she says she’s going to do and I don’t remember her screwing me over and I do remember the rest of them, all of the men deciding that blowing me off or just outwardly cheating me was the way to do things.

I did not praise the people at the bank so vociferously because they were women. I really don’t remember any particular sexual feelings at all from the experience. I just wanted to change my card because the old one was expiring. But it was pleasing and warming that they did their job with great effort and expertise.

My man Dima who was in and out in 2 hours and his exit had a gutter system hanging on my barn for the first time in a year impresses the crap out of me. That is not a male female thing. There are no sexual feelings between us except for that moment of pause both he and his partner took when my ex partner showed up on Sunday. Boys will be boys.

I just prefer people who do their jobs. Whatever that job is, I just prefer that people do it.

I think so many of us look for the easy way out. We believe the press and the propaganda either for our own egotism, our narcissism or because it gives an opportunity to harm. I guess people feel that the only way to play the game is to cheat and play rough and this becomes who they are. Too many of these people. Too much of this shit. None of this is good for anybody or anything.

So I say like Carnegie told us, be lavish in your praise and vociferous in your appreciation. I might temper this by saying that nobody needs obsequiousness and if a person is not worth shit, you might be the best friend they ever had by telling them that they’re not worth shit.

Excuse me while I yell out the window.

“You’re not worth shit!”

I’m sure they heard me. And if they read me, my neighbors know who I was talking to.

Sometimes the world drops a gift on you and all you need to do is get out of the way and say thank you. Yes, the house feels better when it’s clean. I like the look of the place without the rugs. I like how easily the air flows through the place with the windows open and the floorboards unblocked. I like what it’s like to be visited by a friend who likes me and enjoys the banter while we are together. 

Okay, she also talked me into Friday. I don’t think I’m going to need twice a week cleaning. I don’t think I can afford twice a week cleaning. But maybe Fridays won’t be so bad. It’ll be nice if this is the feeling the house has going into my day off.

If any of you have a Lena in your life, do yourself a favor and say a little prayer of thanks. These are old school girls. These are not modern princesses or gangster girls. This is old school love. Let us give thanks for the famous among them.

***

Plant-Based Diets for Personal and Planetary Health.

Dr Shireen Kassam May 22nd 2022, for the Eco Medics Conference

• Our food system is at the centre of several major global crises, including climate, biodiversity loss, health, soil and ethics.
• The food system produces around 35% of greenhouse gas emissions, with animal agriculture contributing more than half. In addition, animal agriculture is a major cause of biodiversity loss, species extinction, land and water use and pollution, ocean dead zones and deforestation.
• Despite the fact that 83% of farmland globally is dedicated to raising animals for food, meat and dairy only provide 18% of calories and 37% of protein.
• All plant foods produce less greenhouse gas emissions than animal-derived foods, regardless of how they are produced or transported.
• Animal agriculture is also responsible for the rising rates of antibiotic-resistant infections, which is now the 12th leading cause of death globally.
• Without address food production and consumption we cannot keep global warming below 2 degrees Celsius.
• The single most impactful action we can take as individuals to reduce carbon emissions is to adopt a plant-based diet.
• Unhealthy diets are the cause of 1 in 4 deaths globally and 31% of premature deaths in Europe. Unhealthy diets are typically too high in animal-derived and processed foods, whilst being insufficient in healthy plant foods. This result in an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes and cancer.
• The Eat Lancet Planetary Health Plate describes a diet that will keep the food system within planetary boundaries whilst promoting health and preventing chronic disease. It is more than 85% plant-based, allowing for small amounts of animal-derived foods if desired, but animal foods are not considered necessary.
• We know that a 100% plant-based or vegan diet is nutritionally adequate for all stages of life with a number of health benefits. In high income countries, a vegan diet would cost one third less than current diets.
• Plant-based diets are now recommended by major national and international health organisations for disease prevention and treatment and country-based dietary guidelines are shifting to promoting more plant-based diets.

What I know like knowledge is that both Doctor Kassam and myself are preaching to the choir. I know this. I have known all of this for several years now. She knows this. I’m actually pretty convinced that the people in the audience know this. It’s the people who can’t read, who did not have this sort of programming appearing on their algorithm and who basically prefer living their life exactly as they are and would not give up their drugs even if it means the death of the entire planet. I’m only adding this in here because it’s the truth. What she is saying is what I know are the facts. I’m all in with this and if this is the first time you’re hearing this sort of thing, I hope perhaps this helps wake you up.

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