Sunday, May 22nd, 2022. Week number 20
Good morning. It’s a little after 3:00 in the morning and I guess I’m done sleeping. Yesterday was a fine day off except for the mosquitoes. I wouldn’t say that I was tortured by them but there were a few aggravating moments where I just wanted to stop being vigilant.
I can probably say with certainty that it was one of my best shabbos days off this year. I’m talking about how I felt personally. I was in a great state of calm all day and really was free of a lot of internal antagonism all day. It was nice.
Most probably how good I felt physically came from the simple omission of two things in my diet and the return of one other.
This week, I put away the alcohol based not only on an intellectual understanding that it’s no good for me but also physical agreement from my body that I did not need it inside me. The door closed on this idea and I came to the understanding that whatever was leading me to think that I needed to get wrecked just simply went away. I wish I could say that this was an easy thing to achieve or that it is something that you can consciously do. It is in a way but you do have to come to this realization and you do need agreement in both body and mind that your decision is correct. You need to understand you are doing the right thing and you need to feel it.
The second omission was that I stopped drinking coffee in the morning. As for the coffee, probably I was drinking it as much out of habit and boredom as anything. It was simply something to do in the morning. Even maybe it was a reason to wake up. The end came on a comment from my friend in the religious community. He was picking apart my choice of veganism and mentioned coffee. It wasn’t revelatory or shocking but it put a chink in the armor or put a tiny bit of spin on this dietary choice and it came up for consideration.
The truth is that almost all of my coffee habit was based on fragile threads of connections. There is a nice lady at the market who sold me a particular brand of coffee and I made a point of buying from her. But then the economics at the market started to change and her supply chain got Disturbed and the brand of coffee she was selling me suddenly no longer was available. After that, I generally have been going to the market less. With the appearance of field greens, I stopped needing market food and stopped needing so much salt. This ended my need to overspice my food and just like with the coffee, when the situation came up for review, it was not much of a decision to Let It go generally.
The last thing of course was the return of well water. I agree that it is a bit cloudier than it was. Perhaps this will change or perhaps it won’t but Friday was the first day that I felt that having a glass of water from the well was not going to cause me any physical harm. The water tasted good, it is available in abundance at the moment and perhaps more than anything else, this brought a great feeling of calm to my life. There is no need to buy bottled water at the moment, not from the water service and not by carrying 6 L plastic containers back from the local store.
The result of all this is a very nice feeling of calm. You remove an irritating stimulant, you remove a viciously unhealthy depressant, you save quite a bit of money by doing both of these things and then reintroduce clean water in abundance and you have a very easy understanding of why life just got better.
The very last piece of the puzzle came from what I ate. Basically, I ate two meals between Friday evening and now. If it doesn’t seem a lot, these were really big meals but I did not feel any sense of physical aggravation whatsoever.
The recipe is not really that interesting. I started by frying some onions and tomatoes in the big skillet. While they were softening and becoming sweeter, I put a very small amount of chickpeas, sunflower seeds, half of a super hot pepper, some mixed black pepper and a glug of vinegar in the blender. This was to make a cream and as the material ground into a paste I steadily added water until it reached the capacity of my blender. When it was smooth, I simply smothered the onions and tomatoes with it, added another blender full of water to get the residue and basically clean the blender and put that in the pot as well. Into this mix I tossed some pasta and two healthy spoons of tomato paste.
The result was something extremely similar in taste to a spicy lasagna but with no meat or dairy. The cream reduced quite a bit and the tomato taste was extremely nice and welcome. Tomatoes by the way are just coming on to the market from those who have greenhouses.
It was vegan comfort food and its very best. However, if you’re aware of exactly how sketchy drinking factory milk is and can replace the protein, fats and complete lack of dietary fiber with something equally creamy but far, far healthier, you can see what happens to you. It was delicious and I ate it Korean barbecue style by throwing some spoonfuls onto napa cabbage leaves and eating by hand. Monumental. Extraordinary. Filling and calming with no deleterious physical effect.
So what would be the math on this.
H + (p+f+s) – (c+a) + w = G (a human being adding protein, fiber and starch but subtracting caffeine and alcohol and then adding in clean water equals good health.)
I didn’t include it in the mathematics but if you notice that you’re suddenly saving money by removing unwanted ingredients, a lot of money actually, I guess we could say that this also contributes to the feeling of well-being.
On friday, I planted the mint in a place in the garden where it would get full sun but an ample amount of water but I’m not sure it’s going to take. We did get some rain yesterday. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to collect as much rainwater as I could have because I filled my storage buckets with well water mostly during the week. The system still needs a bit of work to get right. But when I checked the mint, it wasn’t looking so good. Perhaps it’s only planting shock or perhaps it just wasn’t strong enough and didn’t have enough root structure to handle being placed in the ground. I’ll have another look later.
I planted in our usual fashion, digging a hole and then filling the hole with planting soil and planting directly into that and watering it in. I don’t know. I hope everything turns out.
Perhaps the final question to consider is whether I would have been better off staying in town. I mentioned that the mosquitoes were kind of constant and it was difficult getting comfortable because of them. But as for the alternative, here is a brief look at the cultural festival being offered in town:
I don’t mean to discount the work of the children, but you tell me if this would have made your life.
Speaking of retaining or destroying cultures, I have another clip from president Zelinsky talking about the compensation package being prepared for Ukrainian citizens damaged by the Russian occupation. He also mentions the destruction of culture as being significant.
The war rages on next door. The economics are felt along with the pressure. Belarus has made its political choice and obviously is forcefully demanding that all is normal.
From a glance though, the marketplaces are empty by half. There is less economic activity and less life in town. There is a weight on everybody and everybody is aware of the human misery and heartache. Even those who believe in the righteousness of Russian aggression, war is war and death is death and ethnically, the people of this region are more connected to the ukrainians than they are to the Russians. And of course, we are all silently awaiting the thunderous finale of this rather miserable drama.
Anyway, that’s about it.
Today, I’m either getting a visit or a meeting with Dima, the guy who cleaned my well. I texted him the specs on my bar and roof and how much material I already have. He tells me he is into the job so we will see what his plan of action is going to be. I have one other small meeting today concerning family issues that either is or is not going to be meaningful. And I think my ex partner is coming up today. Weather wise, it might not be so lovely and there really isn’t so much work to do but maybe we’ll be okay anyway.
***
I have one addition to the vocabulary this week. The word is speciesism.
Speciesism is, in applied ethics and the philosophy of animal rights, the practice of treating members of one species as morally more important than members of other species; also, the belief that this practice is justified.
I got to start through the following video which you will either respect or ignore based on its content or perhaps you will respect or ignore it based on the ethnicity of the commentator and his audience.
The morality In ethics at play are the same as the Earthling Ed videos that I like to share here. There is a debate that concerns both human health and our personal rectification of seeing the world in levels. Usually we place ourselves above almost everything else and we allow this feeling of selfishness to justify almost any action. Probably this connects to the rather egregious narcissism epidemic that the world is currently suffering from. Available free electronic heroin probably being at the core of this.
To go along with this, I have two recommendations. I feel like I’m teaching in English class here as well as an ethics class and a biology class all at the same time. The first is the children’s book that has been traditionally a part of my English classes. Again, you have to believe in the importance or relevance of the material it had and be willing to listen to the arguments. If you dismissed the argument simply because it comes from a children’s book, I think we are all missing the point. I don’t understand why we would feed our children one version of reality but then live in a different one.
The book is called the Hunterman and the Crocodile and it is a West African fairy tale by Baba Wague Diakite. Here is a link to the book itself. But if you are too lazy to read, here is a nice lady reading it for you.
The second link was a film I got to watch yesterday that though might be a bit more talky then people are used to, I got quite a bit of emotion out of it. The film is Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln with Daniel Day Lewis playing the part of the president. The film concerned the politics behind the vote to ratify the 13th amendment to the American Constitution abolishing slavery. Apparently the argument at hand was complicated. It was difficult to justify whether it was a move designed to end the Civil War or was it actually an agreement that white people were equal to black people.
In crafting Lincoln, Spielberg has more than done his part in that process. It is not a documentary, but a work of dramatic fiction rooted firmly in historical fact. His portrayals of the people and events of early 1865 might not be accurate in every minute detail, but they are truthful.
How does all of this thinking go together? Well, when I look at all of the things that cause me misery in life, one thread that runs through all of it seems to be people who believe themselves to be above me. When people feel that they are somehow Superior, they tend to allow themselves the freedom to cause harm or just relieve themselves of their own miseries. This has been a universal truth for as long as I have been aware of what the world is like. Objectification, corruption, prejudice, racism, misogyny, anti-semitism, all of the cruelties practice in the world tend to come along with this exact same form of thinking. When One believes themselves to be higher than others.
I don’t know the answer to this. The only thing I know is that a very large part of this disease, and speaking globally about ecology, the destruction of our habitat, climate change and the continuation of economic slavery leading to the profitability of the oil corporations, the thing is that people simply do not allow alternative argument into their heads. They have an ethos and a belief in their inalienable right to perch themselves over others and they are not open to any arguments to the contrary. Eventually, this desire to close a particular door leads to what could possibly be considered mental illness. It is a form of insanity that people indulge themselves in literally for fun and profit.
Self delusion and how much money can be made from people who practice it. This is probably the number one class in all upscale schools.
***
Well, we’re out to 8:00 already and I have a nice sense of optimism. Unusual, I know but it’s there.
Breakfast was potatoes and greens with some sunflower seeds and some toast. Carbs on carbs? What can I tell you? I like to eat what I like to eat. Right now I’m sitting on some herbal tea and enjoying what is for me, absolutely perfect weather. It’s overcast and cold, not cold but definitely not hot. Perhaps cool is the best way to say it. The air is extremely fresh. We did have some rains and all of my water barrels are at capacity. My rain system worked and with any luck, we will add about 65% to my water capacity over the next couple of weeks. Maybe this week if everything goes perfectly.
The mint took, I am happy to say. It was indeed planting shock but the rain seems to have made everybody happy around here. All the boxes are quite alive. Even the cabbages that got beaten by that late Frost have started to return, some of them growing wonderfully. The rain also gave quite a bit of life to the bean field. This is both where I did some weeding and where I ignored it. The plants are heading into a state of fullness. Again, we should have broadcast instead of planting in rows but what is in there is growing.
The best part is that there are no mosquitoes this morning. Nice. Thank you God.
There’s not really much else to talk about. I could clean up a bit and make myself busy. But it’s not very exciting. Nothing is particularly pressing.
One thing I could do today is to get started putting together my pickle box. The pickles that we planted are growing very well in their baby boxes. I planted two types of seeds. One were rather guaranteed boutique seeds and the other were just hanging around in the closet. Olga had left them there when she left the house and I planted some of those too and though they are not as exuberant as the store-bought seeds, they are coming in as well.
All the trees have come to life except four. Three of those four unfortunately stand right next to where my neighbor Parks her car. I don’t think you need to be Sherlock Holmes to see a correlation between poisoned land and where plants don’t want to grow. I would probably go have a talk with her about that but we all know that talking is illegal and you could get threatened with gun violence for trying to have a conversation with her. I don’t know if anyone actually elected her Queen. I just know she is a thoroughly abusive psychotic woman and my life is better the less she’s in it. I wonder how many times her husband thinks like this.
About that, with her grandchild and daughter moved to town, her house is now very limited as far as attention goes. You never know, they might quit this place and head to town where it’s cheaper. There they have a much better chance of catching the cancer they so crave. Cancer and diabetes, this is modern Love.
I don’t really need to go too much into my neighbors today but I owe them three rudenesses. When I went out to plant the mint, my neighbor must have sensed that I wanted some connection to Nature so he walked out and started his car but actually didn’t drive anywhere. I’m sure he has a real reason for that but I believe he is a Nazi. I know for a fact he’s Russian but maybe those are one in the same these days. Also, they decided to run their weed wacker on Friday night and exited their house while I was eating in my kitchen. Therefore…
The woman is from uzbekistan. The woman has dark skin. This doesn’t particularly mean anything to me but it does mean a lot in terms of social context. Number one, she is an outsider just like me. And just like me, she probably feels that same color problem every time she goes anywhere. This would explain how isolated they are but it does not explain how rude she has been to me.
But what does make sense is jealousy over being able to shit on someone. I think when a person is abused, they have two directions that they can go. Firstly, they can understand that they are damaged because of a lack of sympathy and friendship, the world is harsh and harmful, and they lean towards being more open. Ria is a bit like that. When I came here, she was the most open and giving person in the world. Her explanation is that the town treated her like shit for being a Russian when she came here 20 years ago. Olga, the previous owner of this house, was one of the people that extended a hand. She was paying it back by being kind to me.
The other way to go is kind of like my relative is and like the chicken lady is. These are people who spend their lives being shit on and pissed on for racial or ethnic objectification. On my cousin’s side, it was probably for being Jewish or maybe just for being short and ugly. The chicken lady is also rather short and ugly but most probably it was just the color of her skin and being an outsider. People here are like that. But then again, so are people in America. Go watch that Lincoln movie and say things have changed in the last 160 years. What is that, eight score ago?
My god, the feeling of power in your hands. The moment when they actually place the crown upon your head. That moment when she says yes or when she opens her legs for the first time. That first home run. That first strikeout. That first time you get your bicycle up and running.
I’ve lost a few virginities in my life. I’ve had enough pain in my life to have had several moments of new Awakening. Wealth or power is intoxicating. Power is really what we’re talking about. That first feeling when you really, really have power genuinely means something. And of course once you have it, you want more. A lot more.
I would love to say the phrase “so, I understand and I don’t blame them” but I can’t. The reason I can’t is that their choice of what to do with this power, real or imagined, is to abuse others. Their choice is to cause harm. They do not use their power wisely. They do not use their power to make better things happen or to perhaps enhance their voice to be a better member of society. If we’re talking about financial power, we’re not talking about benevolence or being an economic Gardener and helping good things grow. We are talking about power and feeling that they have the right to abuse because of it.
I believe this sort of thing got Marie Antoinette‘s head cut off. I wonder if she had cake for her last meal. Probably she prayed. Probably she didn’t mean it. Probably she was looking for a way out right up until the chop.
Marie Antoinette was 37. An interesting age. I’ve had 37-year-old girlfriends before. I know something about the mentality. I know something about 37-year-old women who feel they have the power to do whatever they want. And sometimes, people can get really pissed off.
My ex-partner just called and she is taking a bus up today. The weather is poor and there might be more rain so she is not going to come bicycling. I really wish she would figure out this train thing. Once you go that way, it’s kind of hard to go back to any of the other variants. You save a lot of money on the taxi cab, you save a lot of aggravation from riding with the cars and the bus rides are long and very, very smelly.
And it turns out we are not getting the roof guttered today. Dima says that I will hear from him in a couple of days. His choice is to chop off the end of the roof (better him than me with asbestos concrete material), and we are going to go with metal gutter straps. Good enough and we’ve already discussed the problem of electricity. So, it sounds like he has the grinder and an extension cord and it looks like we understand how to get this job done. I still haven’t spoken to him about the cost unfortunately. It would definitely help if I knew how much it would be because I don’t really have access to so much money in my hand at all times.
If it seems as though I’m being less than professional about this particular job, let’s keep in mind that I do not have the tools to do this myself, I have offered the job to five or six other people none of whom were available at the time to start and the issue of putting gutters on my barn are almost a year old already. If a guy says he’s going to do the job, I don’t do very much to stop him.
Anyway, he says Tuesday.
So that’s it for now. I guess I’m going to start cleaning up a little bit. Maybe we are going to build a box for pickles today, my ex partner wants to feed the plants a bit with some bio humus. And probably, I should drag some logs up from the woodshed. 100% she is going to ask for at least a decorative fire.
***
It’s 4:00 and I am toasted. Right now I’m in what I guess you could call the dining room or maybe it’s the kitchen. Not my usual kitchen, this is the second kitchen with the wood stove. I have a bread oven that doubles as a decorative oven and right now I am burning a serious amount of firewood to warm up. It’s cold and overcast today.
My ex partner and I did a job today. We weeded the entire Bean field. Well, that’s not true because I weeded half of it at the beginning of last week. We did the second half and she convinced me that we could do a much better job. And I will say that it looks nice. The rain last night really helped and it looks like we will have a decent bean field. Why not?
We also planted a bit more zucchini. For some reason, would I buried a few months ago does not seem to want to come up. I can’t really think of a reason for it except that maybe we didn’t really take care of the seeds as much as we should. I didn’t take care of the seeds as much as I should. But really, you can only tolerate so much zucchini. We planted one packet which had 11 seeds and we put them in three places. Let them go and do what they want to do and nobody is going to be at a loss for zucchinis.
Right now my ex partner is throwing the last tiny cabbages out into the boxes. Everything is growing nicely. The onions of course are doing fine but we also have garlic and carrots coming up. Our sugar beets are moving and all kinds of little lettuce and spinach plants are showing their faces. Even the DiCon radishes are making an appearance.
Once again, I am shocked by her energy. We’re getting along really well and she is very happy to have a great big Garden to play with. I’m happy to have someone who likes to play in a great big Garden.
Actually, I like to play here too. I just wish I had more legs and I have. Truthfully, all of this country stuff was a lot more fun 20 years ago.
I also got to play with a new gardening instrument. Tanya brought a serrated bread knife with her thinking that this would make it easier to cut horseradish leaves and such. I took it out with me and promptly cut two of my fingers like a fool weeding the edges around the boxes. It takes practice to be a Jedi warrior. Eventually I got the hang of it.
A serrated bread knife is actually very similar to what the Japanese call a hori hori knife. A hori hori is a combination of a garden and shovel plus a sharp knife with a serrated edge. It is one of those go-to instruments in Japanese gardening and I took it out with me into the bean field and I could see why. It definitely gets down there and does a job on the grass, undercutting and slicing roots with ease. It also was really excellent trimming away the weeds growing along the footpath and getting underneath the boards.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pretending to be any kind of an expert and I’m not trying to be snooty. What I know about this stuff, literally I picked up by watching Japanese Cinema. Not just samurai films but them too.
Anyway, the ex partner just showed up and started complaining about the smoke in the room so I have to defend my fire making skills. She’s also feeding me with her food because of course I wouldn’t possibly have any food to eat here. I’m going to go now because the argument is starting.
***
Well, I don’t really have much to add to today. I’m ready to go to sleep actually. My ex partner went home by train and took the long walk on the service road and got there on time. Again, so much got done today. The woman is a Dynamo. I can kill myself for a week and nothing looks any different than when I started. But she blows in here and in one day, the place looks completely different.
The bean field is actually coming in pretty nicely. We did a lot of weeding today and it’s amazing how much better it looks. I don’t want to sound redundant but we probably should have just broadcast the seeds. Nevertheless, it’s nice to be orderly. And at the end of the day, my ex partner went out and did the reseeding of the dead spots that I had planned to do but of course never got around to it. I plan a lot of things and never get around to them. I guess I’m becoming notorious for that.
Dinner was potatoes and field greens. We also had some nuts with tea in front of the big fire. She had chocolate and I added some raisins.
I don’t really know what to say. Sometimes you get into a relationship and all of the juice of it falls away but then for some reason you like it even better. I don’t mean to overstate things but the woman is my best friend and she makes my life a lot better by being in it. I don’t need to sound henpecked and both of us like our independence. I guess I’m just happy that she’s around.
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