Thursday, May 19th 2022
It’s 6:45 and I’m in the kitchen letting the gas burn a little bit. It’s cold. I haven’t made a fire in a while and I stopped drinking coffee. I guess I could make a cup of tea or something like that.
I went to bed very early last night. I really wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t think of a single reason not to go to bed. Unfortunately, you can only sleep so many hours and in the middle of the night I woke up. Thank God for Pirate baseball broadcasts. I got to watch the Colorado Rockies break their losing streak against the Giants. Just my luck. The one game that I actually turn into is the one where they lose.
The plan is to go to town today. I need at least one hose coupling and possibly I’m going to pick up a new water pump. This is more money than I should spend. I seem to be spending a lot of money lately. I guess that’s the price you pay for actually putting together a functional Garden. If I had just sat here and let the field grow but for some zucchini and the fruit trees, I really wouldn’t have needed any money at all. Gardening is a racket. That’s for sure.
I do seem to be at some kind of a crossroads these days. There is something definitely wrong with me. It might be simple dehydration. I have been water rationing since the well went bad from using a submersible punk that stirs up everything on the bottom of the tank. Or maybe it’s just frustration at my lifestyle. Maybe it’s just the anxiety of living in the middle of a war. That would certainly make sense. What would they call this? Ctsd, current traumatic stress syndrome. I guess they would also have perpetual traumatic stress syndrome. That would make sense basically for everybody.
Maybe it was that I tried drinking vodka. In fact, I’m as sure as anything that the addition of alcohol into my system is the thing that screwed me up as much as anything. It was a bad idea. I understand why I did it and I understand what I was thinking when I did it. But the fact is, I knew it was not any sort of answer. There is no answer for this. There is no answer for the misery of life when you are surrounded by miserable people.
I had a couple of ideas pop into my head. I had the idea of discussing some words. I thought it would be interesting if we studied the word communism and put that next to the word capitalism to see what each meant and give a good solid thought as to which one would be more beneficial.
Before I Google up the actual rhetoric and true meaning of the words, we could probably all look inside of our heads and ask ourselves what our reactions were. Probably when I said the word communism, the words “it doesn’t work” popped right into your head. And probably when I said the word capitalism, you didn’t have any platitudes jump into your head automatically. There’s a good reason for this. It’s called propaganda and selective use of the media. We were given the idea that communism doesn’t work but nobody ever says anything bad about capitalism. I might by the end of this little speech of mine.
a theory or system of social organization in which all property is owned by the community and each person contributes and receives according to their ability and needs.
I know, I know. It doesn’t work. People get corrupt and people steal. I understand that all of the bad things about mankindq mean that you just can’t get along.
But you must admit that this is a pretty elegant piece of idealism. If you lived in a community where all the wealth was shared and you yourself had an equal place in it, that might actually be kind of refreshing next to the life you live now. True, maybe you’ve got a lot of stuff and God forbid that stuff should go away. But you could see the point of being surrounded by friends all the time as being a good thing.
Many years ago, when I first came to Europe, I used to have these philosophical conversations with people a lot. I was a younger man, an aspiring writer and I lived for these sorts of clever conversations. I used to have a line of thought that went something like this:
I can prove to you that you are a communist. It’ll be easy to do and I want to offer you a simple deal. Let’s say that I offer you a very nice home. Comfortable, a few nice amenities and enough privacy to make you happy. You’ve got plenty of food to eat and everything is tasty and you have access to public restaurants and cultural affairs. You have a job and let’s say it’s a job that you really don’t mind doing very much. It’ll be something that you’re talented for and that you believe is good for your community. And you’ll have enough money in your pocket to take care of yourself without any problem. Oh yeah, medical, dental and whatever really you need is available. How do you like this lifestyle?
People would usually answer that this sounds pretty much like what they have already. They didn’t recognize the difference.
The difference is that you’re not panicked about money and you’re not really thinking about rising or acquiring power or more money. You just kind of do your job and try to enjoy yourself the best you can. Does this sound okay?
The answer is always that it doesn’t work. Sometimes they scream that they hate hearing the word Utopia or listening to utopian thinking. Usually, I got the feeling that I was harming them by talking about something that is unattainable for them. No and it’s offering them to steal and I’m just some idiot talking about offering everybody a calm life simply for the contract of contributing the best you can.
Beenan economic and political system in which a country’s trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit, rather than by the state.
Are you an owner? Are you a capitalist? Do you have enough money that you never need to worry about it ever again in your lifetime? Are you free to take a day off whenever you want? Are you free of economic pressure and have enough money lying around to dabble in other people’s lives? Are you at ease with actually managing a workforce while under pressure to succeed?
Of course the answer is no. The answer yes is only applicable to oligarchs and people with enough political power to manipulate public funds.
If I asked 100 people if they are capitalists, probably most of them would say yes. They believe it has something to do with freedom and Independence because this is the propaganda that has been given to them. But if you ask 100 people, and we’re going to leave retirees on a pension off this list, you’d only have maybe one or two or three who genuinely don’t need to work anymore. Everyone else, EVERYONE ELSE, are slaves.
No one is working for the measurement of a community. Nobody is helping to maintain a group of friends that they live with. Nobody is working with a common goal. Everybody is just fighting for their own lives against the system with a massive vigorish that keeps everybody as hysterical as humanly possible.
Corruption. Theft. Violence. Racism. Misogyny. Ethnic hatred. War.
It’s interesting right now that the world is sort of unifying under that blue and yellow flag. Mister Zelinsky has two speeches for us. Both are pretty moving.
Here, Zelinsky is speaking about the history of displaced his people in Ukraine and a new order that he has signed allowing help and compensation for people who have been tortured by the Russian state. Technically speaking, he is speaking about the Crimean tatars but my family has also been tortured by the Russians historically. It is easy to name me as an American but where I come from is here. And when I say here, I mean the territories of Belarus and Ukraine both.
I was definitely in the second part of today’s message. Zelinsky does a little doublespeak about the Russians turning to laser-guided weapons perhaps for the first time. The president of Ukraine is an amazing propagandist but this war is not even close to being over yet and the Donbass region and the Crimean peninsula are a long way from being liberated if ever.
I’ve always said that this is an oil War and that the Sebastopol base was the only thing that the Russians cared about. You can fight back and forth with propaganda on both sides but all that matters is oil to both sides.
But what Mr Zelinski is doing really well is bringing people together for a common goal. Russia has been offered to cancel culture as a sacrificial being. They are the ultimate evil and they must be removed. A group is required. A bigger army than just Ukrainians is needed. And the man is being successful in bringing all of Europe to his side. Almost all of Europe. There are still some countries that don’t want to give up Russian oil no matter how vicious they are.
The point of this though is that it takes a team. The job is just not going to get done by Ukraine alone. It’s a beautiful country with a long history but if the big bad Russian army wants to, they can just March in and take stuff. It’s a burglary. A justified burglary. The burglars feel justified that the stuff was actually theirs all along. Just a war for resources, right?
That my friends is capitalism in action. And it seems that in order to fight a hostile takeover, because that’s all this war is, is to get a bigger team and get everybody working in the same direction and for the same goal.
So we are all communists today, right?
The only tweak I want to make to this whole affair, is that we are supposed to be working as a group and with full understanding that it is for maximum benefit for all that we turn to ecology and turn off the oil tap and find new ways to take care of each other.
In case you don’t understand, let me be the first one to say this to you:
Capitalism doesn’t work.
It was a global experiment that failed because it creates too much garbage, too much corruption, too many wars, too much death, too much misery and the destruction of our entire living ecosystem and habitat just so a tiny percentage of the population could get high at will. Just so a few lunatics could get unlimited cocaine and blowjobs.
Capitalism fails because it doesn’t make sense.
Anyway, I’m not in any particular Rush right now. I’ve got three hours before I have to jump on the bike and four to catch the train. I think I’m sick actually. I feel as though I have some kind of an illness going on. Honestly, I think I’d rather just take the day off but I really do need to do something about this water pump situation. We need water here. You can’t grow fruit trees and cabbages without water and the pump I’m using doesn’t leave me anything to drink.
So, I have to find a way to do the maximum amount of good on the minimum amount of money. Actually, this is pretty much what I do everyday.
***
Wow, that was quick.
The first commentary I got was from a very, very rich friend of mine who asked me why it isn’t possible to simply be as useful as possible to the corporation. Wouldn’t that be the same thing?
The answer is no and the reason is the lack of economic parity. The person being useful there might be a happy worker but the guy at the top of the pyramid gets the yacht. No economic parity.
Comment from a local friend who wishes to remain anonymous said that what I was looking for was communism without Moscow. Most probably, yes. The idea is that we all work to the best of our abilities while recognizing that some people have more talent or energy than others. There is no need for a competition, there is only need that the job gets done and that everybody does their best to help.
Last year, when I was trying to set up some small green businesses in town, one interested group of investors was very interested in their place. Management was of great concern.
My answer to them however completely displeased them. There was no particular management or to say it another way, we were self-managing. There were only the workers that needed to do their jobs and arranging the jobs could be done on a rotating basis. My place and all of this? Well, it was my original idea so I would probably do what I needed to do to make sure everything got set up.
After that, I would probably do what everyone else does at the company and take a job that needed to be done. Maybe not the same job every day or maybe yes. I suppose there are people who try one thing but find they are good at another or get sick of doing one thing and need a change of scenery. The point is that everybody knows what the job is that needs to get done and everybody does their best to do it. Just fix the problems as they come up and try not to make any problems that nobody needs.
The last criticism simply said that I was someone who enjoyed fairy tales. That’s not even constructive criticism. That’s just a person sitting on their ass and throwing stones.
But then again, he was right. I love utopian thinking. I love dreaming of a better world. I live for my dreams of clean Air and water and lots of friends all doing everything they can to make sure that everything runs right. You’re right.
What is more, when I wrote the screenplay for the movie Paradise, I used that exact word. The world I was imagining was so beautiful it was like a fairytale.
***
It’s 5:00 and I am in my ex partners apartment and reading this week’s Torah portion. This week’s portion is called Behar (בְּהַ֥ר) and is the word for Mount or mountain as in Mount Sinai.
In the beginning, they set out the rules again for shabbos but extended out that you can only work your fields and vineyards for 6 years before being obligated to let your field rest. Pretty practical really. But then it gets kind of strange because when they take this numerology and go to seven times seven, the following year, the 50th jubilee, is not only an extra year of letting your field rest but you’re supposed to let all your slaves go. Interesting.
Next, there is some discussion about the prices for produce and especially between Jewish people. You are not supposed to take advantage of a fellow Jew. Nice to know.
The question comes up then about what you are supposed to eat while you’re taking your year off and the answer is that you eat from your savings. In this case, it would be food storage I guess so I assume you should live off your profits had you been selling your produce all along. Basically, you take a rest every 7 days and you take an entire year off every 7 years. Again, quite an interesting plan that requires quite a bit of planning and resourcefulness to get right.
Next, there is some commentary about inheriting wealth and figuring the value of this property and whether or not the inheritor has enough money to have this place come to them. I suppose it has something to do with the ability to work the land. By the way, if you don’t have enough money to redeem this inheritance, you’re good to wait 50 years until that jubilee year. Hard to imagine waiting 50 years but that’s what it says.
It then goes on to say that in terms of inheritance or properties that exist either within walled cities or outside of walled cities, you’re not supposed to take advantage of family members. You’re not supposed to burden them with interest and you are supposed to live with them as family.
In the following section, it is made clear that this family member can only be a paid employee. They are not allowed to be slaves. Slaves can be bought and used and specifically this is from the surrounding regions. If there are slave markets and you need people, you’re welcome to pick up as many as possible you just can’t use your family as slaves. Good to know.
Finally, there is some nuance that comes if you have a business partner who becomes rich with you but yet you have a relative who is broke. If the business partner sells your relatives, you have to get them back. Do not supposed to allow your family to be sold into slavery even by a business partner. However, if you cannot manage, you’ll be obligated to wait until the 50th year. I’m sure you’re now geriatric brother will appreciate it when he finally gets to come home. He will probably be in his late 60s at that point but still, better late than never and you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.
What does all this mean to me? Well, I need a lawyer but I can’t afford one. I asked a friend to help me out with this situation but so far, nothing has come of anything. I’m getting robbed here and abused but I’m not going to sit here and say the Torah says you should not abuse me.
I think what it’s really about is that different people choose to live their lives in different ways. A lot of my family came to the United States at the turn of the 20th century. This is the group that comes from here. America was a melting pot and of course, anti-semitism and a Christian conservative majority was and is ever present.
I remember talking to a guy in Minnesota when I lived here who seemed to think making comments about my ethnic heritage and how we stayed in New York and his people managed to spread out to the Midwest means something. He said it with a sneer. Christian anti-semitism is what that’s called.
I also met an old friend while visiting the Jewish community. He was rather helpful to me when I was in a bad way about 11 years ago. I wouldn’t say our relationship is perfect and he definitely holds a grudge though he says he doesn’t. But his point of view at that time was that Jews don’t hurt Jews. We keep it in the family and we take care of one another.
But this ideology doesn’t always work out so easily.
Again and again and again, when we are talking about fighting our way through an economic system that forces everyone into a state of perpetual combat, how easy it is it to keep family relations? From personal experience, I will tell you that the actual tolerance there is 0.0. the moment there is money in question, you cannot count on having a friend.
It is standard thinking in the Slavic gentile world that parents are there to take care of their children and men are there to take care of their wives and everybody is supposed to be taking care of someone else. At least this was the lesson learned during the time of communism.
I do hear stories about people who live a rather hard life because they send quite a bit of their own money away to help their children do things. I’ve heard this from people that I believe it’s true and I’ve heard it from people who lie every time their mouth opens and their lips move. This is what is commonly said and people congratulate themselves on the wholesomeness of the thought. But how often this is actually the truth is a matter of question.
As soon as they have the money in their hand, the whole world changes.
I don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, when I started practicing shabbos a couple of years ago, it was the best thing I’ve ever done. It has absolutely made me a lazier person. I am much more aware of meeting rest or allowing myself to rest. Before this practice, I was a normal overachiever and would just go until I couldn’t go anymore.
But the minute I started seriously writing every day, I ran into a wall. It was actually about a month into the process and I realized I was going crazy, completely crazy, by trying to work every single day.
The moment of inspiration actually came from a guy I know from the Jewish community who was on Facebook and made a post about being prepared for shabbos. He had his suit and his bread and he was ready for his day off. I saw this and immediately had my loophole. I need to practice this.
Certainly the local gentile populations probably liked me a lot better before. I personally didn’t like myself and felt I was killing myself for absolutely nothing. Now, I take life a little bit easier. I enjoy my pleasures a little more and I definitely enjoy my solitude and my quiet. I no longer take any Joy in overt obsequiousness. I no longer believe that I need to kill myself for people to like me. That was a different guy from a different time and I am much happier where I am now. This piece of mind comes from respecting the Sabbath and keeping it holy. And for me, this is the truth. Nothing gets in the way of my day off.
***
Well, it’s 1:45 a.m. and I guess I forgot to close up today’s blog. I’m doing this more and more of these days just falling asleep and forgetting to do this little nuance. Maybe it doesn’t matter at all. Seriously, there are no rules here saying that I need to finish this writing at the end of the page. There is no payment for this nor does it absolutely add to the drama. There’s nothing going on here that says that I can’t stop in the middle of the page or at the top of the page.
I probably will start spending more time at the computer. The absolute hard work is pretty much done for this year. Honestly, it’s all just about maintenance now. Walking the field and stopping too pull weed set last year I would have just let go.
Spending time in the bean field, I can see where there are some areas where perhaps there’s a bit more water where the growth is 5 10 times as much as in the rest. The actual being plants are very small. More and more I’m drawn to the idea that we should have just broadcast the beans and even over planted. Whether it’s about growing food or just putting nitrogen in another wise empty spot, it would have meant more production and less work and because we were just using supermarket beans, it would not have made much of a difference in cost.
I didn’t buy the pump at the market. The cost difference was really high between where I could get it elsewhere and from my guy. And also I started thinking about whether I wanted to spend the money or not. When I go back to town tomorrow or really, today, I’ll check on the quality of the water. If the sediment has fallen down on the water is drinkable again, perhaps we can go without a new pump. Maybe it’s just not worth it.
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