I thought I might add one more report. After the last report, I decided I needed to go outside. I just didn’t feel like being inside. So, I have this Garden and of course I know this Garden very well. And it’s very beautiful there now. Everything is so alive. And the boxes are literally exploding with fertility.

And call me a fool, and I probably am, but I can’t help grazing. I tell you, I know I’ve got this belly hanging here and I don’t know really what to say about it. Too many peanuts probably. I am addicted to peanuts. It’s hard. It’s hard to get out of peanuts. Luckily, I managed to break bonds with salted peanuts. Thank you Lord for that one.

So this was my idea. I noticed that cooking in the kitchen right now is stupid because it’s too hot. It’s time for fresh food. Ironically, this is when the human food is arriving. There is so much food it is ridiculous to even consider eating it all. You physically couldn’t even begin to touch it. And it’s designed to just grow back and grow back and grow back the more you eat.

So, I cooked this. In the future, I might do this simply by soaking everything. It will not wind up the same thing, but it will be something and that something will be food. But this one was cooked. Buckwheat and red lentils. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Vegan fast food. The empire’s true friend. Quickly prepared and quickly eaten. You can’t miss and it’s the end of global hunger. I added in some wheat grout porridge just because some wheat might be okay in there. All of this replaces rice. This was my rice bowl and I eat with chopsticks. I’m just saying that there are variations on the theme.

Okay, what else was in there? Why lie? I do purchase from a distributor that has all kinds of cool stuff and all their stuff comes with plastic and I have to get rid of the plastic by giving it to the garbage people who will take it away from here but will not take it away from the planet Earth. I apologize to God for my weakness in needing peanut butter and peanuts. They have driven me to buying a lot of things, most all of it junk, but some of the junk has been absolutely lovely. And as far as I can see, everything that is supposed to work is still working.

So there was peanut butter in this porridge. Take that for what you want, it was a peanut butter sandwich to be eaten with chopsticks. And there was only one thing wrong with this picture. The only thing that needed to be there was the fresh greens. You can’t get any nutrition out of anything unless you mix it with fresh greens. Why do you think they put the parsley on the plate? Why do you think you’re too stupid never to have eaten the parsley? Fat fuck.

So all of this is dramatic buildup because I am prone to dramatic buildup. My writing teacher told me that I’m too fat in my writing. I should be Lean like Hemingway or an otherworldly hot female athlete writing teacher at the University of Minnesota. Damn. Just, damn!

She told me that she was gay and I believe her. I told her that I was married and she believed me, maybe. And she was there for me when my back popped. In all the world, let me go back and take that class just one more time and have a sit down and talk writing theory with that woman. Bucket list.

The big buildup is that I live in a five star resort hotel if you take the gasoline away. The weather is unbelievable and there’s so much food to eat. So I pumped back into the house and grab a bowl and added a good splash of soy sauce, umami, which means salt and sugar, I told you I have a service. I’m 99.99% pure. I have a peanut addiction. And soy sauce is not bad.

I know all of you chefs out there are asking, “And nothing more? No further spices?” But no because the point of this was that we really didn’t want to mask any tastes. We didn’t need to do anything. It’s perfect as is possible to be exactly as it is.

I started eating green beans. I ate some full ones and the eight some old ones and I ate some with only tiny peas in them. I ate some leaves from the plants and it was good. And then I decided I needed some kale. It’s not impressive that wood chip covered kale Garden. But I can see in the future where it might grow to be something even next year if we cover it during the winter.

And here I used the leaves and I used my sticks to put some of my porridge in the beautiful green leaves and ate them with my hand. Was it delicious? Was it the most delicious thing in the world?

And then my attention was Disturbed. There was that crazy Garden that I built right in front of my hated neighbors. It was a garden I just did not care anything about and through everything in there together just to see what would happen. I found out. Those radishes just took over everything.

Now, I am as sick of radish balls as it can be. In the very beginning when they are the first to appear, I’m greedy for the freshness just like anybody. But it gets old really fast. I even pulled up a bunch of them from the kale Garden because I just didn’t need them around. Because they do take over and this is what happened in this I don’t give a damn Garden. They had all grown great stalks, flowered and, obviously thanks to the enormous pollinator population, they had seeds.

Have you ever tried radish seeds? They’re just like beans that grow really fast and have these radish seeds inside them that are just like radishes. Radish seeds are spicy. The thing about spice, from radish seeds to mustard greens, to horseradish leaves, these things all pair very well with oil or fat. They just bond to it and the spice goes away and the freshness comes out. It’s perfect symbiosis. To have each itself is a very unpleasant situation. But to pair them together is ridiculous.

So I’m standing there at the salad bar avoid has to be a million dollar a night room. And I’ve got this delicious bowl of porridge and I’m just stripping plants of their seed pods and tossing them in my bowl and I just couldn’t stop eating. I added some radish leaves and they were great. Mr saltbush is amazing. And, don’t tell the ex-girlfriend, but I ate some flowers because they were delicious and fragrant and interesting.

And what did I do after such an amazing moment? Well, I was about to quit for the night and then I noticed the new path that I made in the front garden and the new door that I put together there and I just couldn’t help myself but to walk and see what the world looked like on the other side of that fence.

I have a golf course. Pop, if I’m a loser, you call it like you see it. And I don’t know how much money you spent on that fucking game. But I have got me a championship level golf course. And according to the ex partner, we’ve got clubs.

I thought about describing it but maybe I don’t need to. It’s photographable. But the point is, it’s like it was there the whole time.

The ground rules immediately became apparent. The name of the game is to stay on the path and cause no damage. If your ball goes out of bounds, you can fish it out of there at the cost of a stroke and then Play from the path. As for the flags, putting is not necessary. If you can touch the flag with your club while standing behind your ball, it’s in.

After this, I don’t understand why it’s not challenging. In fact, for what the damn thing is supposed to do, I think doing this golf course would keep you occupied everyday for the rest of the summer. You would never have to change anything. Just play this course as it’s laid out and it would be enough. Yes, the thought exists about heading off into the forest which is another animal altogether for you mosquito fans. But it’s possible if you just stay on the paths.

And then there was the back nine. Deceptively simple. A little bit of a nuanced travel to the 15th tee box but two good shots and chances for birdies. But then there is 17. Then there’s 17 under The canopy and like several of the holes, you need a very good approach shot. And then there you are at 18 coming out of the shade and into the blazing sunlight and the most beautiful Three sisters pickle garden you’ve ever seen. Try that at magic hour.

Is this kosher? How is it not kosher. Maybe the plastic for the peanut butter or the amount of gasoline needed to transport it from its factory to me. And it ain’t really good for me and it’s as much for more and addiction than a food. Or it’s a great food and I forgot to plant peanuts this year like an idiot.

Am I hurting anyone? Am I putting any stress on nature? Am I committing atrocities or torture? Am I doing an evil thing in any way? Am I taking care of myself? Am I using my time well? Am I practicing the art of human movement? Am I civilized? Do I pass the test to be considered a man? I asked my dad and he agreed that I have everything he ever wanted right here and right now. And my own golf course.