Listen to this. Let’s set the tone.
The industry says she has it and maybe they are right. Maybe she is the perfect blend of everything Instagram ever wanted to be. A mixed amalgam of races with the voice of an Angel and the heart of a Lion. Or a devotee of Auto-Tune.
No, I’m okay with that.
So the story is we are at about 1 hour from our moment of Truth. I have watered my field probably as well as I’ve ever watered a field before. I watered that field until my heart believed that my plants were okay. And yes, even though I gave her a big gulp or at least a Big gulp to the neighboring vicinity last night, I even gave the big Beroza a bit of a sprinkle and I think I made her blush.
Thinking ahead and with wood coming on Thursday, tomorrow, perhaps, hopefully, I guess, I played my card and called Little t, my favorite Ninja assassin in to do some dirty work.
The deal was that we meet on opposite sides of the fence. I would give her a 10 spot just for throwing one bag of plastic waste material into that ungodly beast that we probably should not have in this village anymore.
Okay stop. Look at the picture. I’m standing at the fence and I’m handing a bag of plastic garbage to Little t. And she’s like, что?
And I’m like, давай мы разберёмся.
So I told her about the wood coming so that if she wanted to be a party to the work that was paying money, she could come and even bring her husband. Suddenly the light of the Lord broke through the clouds and shine right on her face like she was an extra in a Blues Brothers movie.
Он будет на работе.
And on this note we talked about how it would be possible but much more probable if she was kosher. What is kosher mean? Kosher means clean baby doll. You start these things clean or you don’t start them at all. We could both take a good shot at being clean, clean, clean.
And then she said something truly vile which I won’t repeat which included the things that she eats along with the words Я люблю and I understood that the conversation was basically at an end. Except I think I mentioned that I was aware that as of the moment, her face was telling me that she was in love once again. Can’t help being Elvis sometimes especially when there’s a job to do. But lordy, if Little t was kosher, I need it. Maybe. Actually, that was either a Freudian slip or a googillian slip. I meant to say I’d eat it, but I guess it goes the same either way.
Right. After the most delightful watering in which I included a little watering for myself along the way which turned into an orgy of bathing. It is hot and humid today and we’re not completely rid of the mosquitoes. A little water washing over skin goes a long way. Or to just dump your head in the rain barrel, God be praised for the rain.
Right now I am lying completely naked in my office but for my hat. Like the song says, you should leave your hat on. And I guess I’m getting ready to go sing my song.
I don’t know if this is worth stating or not. I am an activist at heart, probably like all Jews really. I’m just more attuned to Nature and ecology and some common sense principles that we can’t seem to wrap our heads around I missed all of this Nazi slavery we seem to love taking into our mouths.
The juiciness of life is there if you want it and the moment when I took some underbrush that had taken over one of my gardens and balled it up and used it to clean my arms of all the mosquito bites, I fell in love with nature again. Nature is always clean until we fuck it up.
And if you ever doubt the way God moves or that she is a woman, you have a day looks like today. Today was the day I put the sword down. And I was reminded by a male or a female who is very happy to see me.
Maybe this is a children’s book.
Maybe. But I’ll tell you what happened. It started when the water came and the mosquito larvae started hatching and waves. And all of the young hysterics went looking for blood. The blood sucking mosquitoes are females by the way. The mosquitoes were saying that they needed food because they wanted to reproduce.
Well, women or no, I was not quite ready to meditate myself into unconsciousness. Ghenna tells me that he doesn’t mind the mosquitoes because he drinks. Perhaps there is some practical understanding to completely numbing yourself in your addiction just because you’re getting stung a lot. I didn’t believe in that cure. I believed in kung fu and I picked up weapons until I found the right one to do the killing work necessary.
If you want to know the details, I have a very good fly swatter that is very effective at killing flying things. Literally, if you just want to sit and rest, if you agree to let your right hand be active or your left hand be active, you can pretty much beat them back. You’re not going to rest in tranquility but you won’t be bitten by mosquitoes and you won’t have to bring any poisonous bullshit into your life.
But that war against the mosquitoes made me a killer. And it brought up in me a bloodlust. Amazingly, two things happen at exactly this moment. First, the Poppy’s appeared telling me that orange was a beautiful color and doing wonders for my mood, or making me completely psychotic, but they also reminded me of the color of the dreaded potato beetle. The jukes.
The thing about it is humans are absolutely Savage and eating a plant-based diet really allows you to get deeply into humiliating and destroying and practicing surgical techniques on vegetables. Just for food. Such a bloodlust. So much steel. And I take them live. I do my own killing and it doesn’t bother me a bit.
But animates? Living things? Things that come from nature? Jukes don’t come from nature. They are an invention of man like the flies and the mosquitoes that hang around man. We created these things without garbage and they follow us. And now we can never rest because the mutants we created still live with us.
There was some signs of infestation. I got cocky. I didn’t go out every day. Or maybe I did go out every day but shabbos. Or maybe I went out on Shabbos. I think it was those jukes who had learned to drop and cover into the underbrush and hide until the apex predator passed by who did it. Those stealthy fuckers managed to get Glory more than a few times and I had to raid the nursery that now had a bunch of tiny little holes in it. Don’t worry about the plants, they’ll take care of themselves and simply grow some more greens if they need it or they’ll use the ones with the little holes in it. The important thing now is to keep it to just little holes and don’t let the shoots eat the entire plant.
Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech haolam, oseh maasei v’reishit. We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, who makes the works of creation.
See what I mean? A complete fascist nazi killer.
But this is what I meant. Two things happened today tell me that perhaps the war is over. Here on my protest day. Here on the day I yelled at my neighbors as loud as I could and I’m currently walking around naked just so I can sing a song to the Sun. Today one of these horse flies, if that’s what you call them, Big burly flies that take a bite of you and leave pain for quite some time came to see me.
I heard his buzzing like someone trying to talk to me. I don’t know whether it was he or she but they were very interested in me. I brushed it away and told it that it annoyed me but this just made it more upset and determined that it wanted some of my blood. I think the rules were they but let’s work that out in court.
It landed on my leg and the muscles of my right hand formulated the stroke necessary to terminate the life of this creature. But then the thought came into my mind and I focused my eyes on the two eyes of that fly and I spoke to it with great passion, “You are not welcome here, I am not your food. Go find food anywhere but here for if you come into my house I will bring death to you and your line even if it means breathing fire into your eyes. Not here. Anywhere else,” and I’ll be goddamned if that fly didn’t say yes sir and skedaddle and I haven’t heard from even a single mosquito since then even in the lower gardens next to the forest.
And I know that because I was down there bringing water to plants that really needed it, especially the cabbages. And this is where the second thing happened. And I wish I was making this up. Most beautiful black butterfly I have ever seen went by me like a missile. My eyes were so drawn to this beautiful creature I couldn’t not look.
But this butterfly was an artist. He or she was the Jonathan Livingston seagull of butterflies. This was a butterfly with some sense of awareness of life beyond my comprehension. I stopped paying attention to what I was aiming my hoes at and it just sprayed everywhere it wanted to as I followed the butterfly with my eyes until I couldn’t find it anymore.
“Wow, that was cool,” I said to myself and was very pleased to have seen such a beautiful butterfly. And then they were on my shoulder. It was saying hello to me by some name I taught it’s mother last year. And they were thanking me for letting all of the beautiful plants that they love grow here and for being pro butterfly in my politics and pro-nature generally.
And let butterfly reminded me that absolutely nowhere in my soul was even the slightest desire to stop a butterfly from living. I think they’re just the most beautiful things in the world and I don’t mind having them around even a little, even if it cost me a little cabbage which, honestly, I haven’t seen yet as being a problem. Maybe the ants need some cinnamon but I understand nothing but pleasure from following the flight of butterflies.
Anything else? For some reason I decided to be an alpha male and while I was trying to speak to my daughter who seems only available on Instagram, I sent a message to a Jewish Instagram creator and brought up the question of whether or not Instagram was kosher. That also showed up in the street fair for Longest Day.
So, what do you think? Good day? Bad day? I got to do a bunch of writing but I enjoyed and that I’m glad I took the trouble to create, I got outside and rather enjoyed yelling at my neighbors. They very much needed it and so did I. And then I enjoyed watering my field and bringing relief to all of the living things that live here. And then I enjoyed giving myself a bath outside using rainwater as a medium. If you wish to ask if I enjoyed cleaning my genitals outside center stage, I suppose I did especially since they were almost no mosquitoes biting at my ass. I also stuck my sweaty clothes in a bucket and gave them a little soak with some biodegradable soap, if you want to believe it. Who knows, maybe it’ll break down fuel and just pouring a lot of biodegradable soap is what you do. It’s all doubtful.
And we have a great story, a ripping yarn and what was probably the story that made all of this possible. Right on the green2021.org website is the story 5:57 p.m. which, with any irony or mysticism anyone could ever think of, seems to fit in just perfectly for our 5:57 p.m. solstice time. I think my original intention was that it be published at that time and by golly, I guess it was somewhere. Anyway, go read and enjoy. I think you’ll find a few friends in there already.
Blessing over seeing wonders of nature such as mountains, deserts, lightning, and the sky
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, who makes the works of creation.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱלֹקֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, עוֹשֶׂה מַעֲשֵׂה בְרֵאשִׁית
Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech haolam, oseh maasei v’reishit.
On witnessing a beautiful natural event
We praise You, Eternal God, Sovereign of the universe, that such as these are in Your world.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה אֱלהֵינוּ מֶלֶך הָעולָם שככה לו בעולמו
Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech haolam, shekacha lo beolamo.
On seeing a star
Blessed are You, G‑d our L‑rd, King of the universe Whose power and might fill the world
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה’ אֱלֹקֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁכֹּחוֹ וּגְבוּרָתוֹ מָלֵא עוֹלָם
Baruch ara Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha’olam, shehkoh-kho oo-geh-voo-rah-toh mah-lay oh-lahm.
On individual responsibility
“It is not your duty to finish the work of the world, but neither are you at liberty to desist from it”
לֹא עָלֶיךָ הַמְּלָאכָה לִגְמֹר וְלֹא אַתָּה בֶן חוֹרִין לְהִבָּטֵל מִמֶּנָּה.
Lo alecha ham’lacha ligmor. V’lo ata ben chorim l’hibatil mimena
– Pirkei Avot (Ethics of Fathers) 2:16
There’s more here.
Let’s go, baby. Game time in 10 minutes. Let’s get our dicks into this one. Happy longest day.
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