Maybe just one more quick story because I can’t believe I’m living this life. We’re getting into the afternoon of one of the longest pre-shabba’s days of the year and I am really restless. It’s too much sunshine. It’s too much daylight.

But then in the middle of everything, Ghenna came by. I reminded myself to be good in all things and went to go speak with him. He had brought me what I thought was a rule of shrink grip. This is a piece of polymer that will slide over a piece of any material and when you apply heat it shrinks and bonds itself very well.

To be honest, it looked like simple plastic water hosing. But you never know, maybe large size shrink grip starts out looking like this.

So I opened up the torch and went to work and you know, it just didn’t really want to melt. It was in fact just water hosing and the more I put the torch to it, the more it sweated and produced fumes and diesel fuel. I never regretted anything as much in my entire life.

I got on the phone and I called him. He didn’t answer but he was back within 5 minutes and I showed him the mess. This wasn’t shrink grip. Being tenacious as I am and because I am in exactly in a murderous mood, I showed him that if you sat there burning this plastic long enough, it would indeed shrink but it didn’t make a smooth bond. It was kind of quirky and flat and swirly and followed the pattern of its destruction by the heat. Ghenna apologized and said he would work on it for me.

But then one of those modify and improvise thoughts came into my mind. You see I had tried to melt a handle onto a piece of rebar. But once it had cooled, it was incredibly bonded to that piece of steel and, if I thought about it really hard, it had a very similar grip to a putter I once gave to a doctor as a thank you for an operation. All that was necessary was to take a roll of athletic tape I just happened to have and cover the plastic interior.

It seems I suddenly had everything I wanted. It was a warm-up bat or depending on the game, an actual metal bat. I guess you could call it a sword if you wanted to or just a weed wacker if you thought your weeds needed to get whacked. And then I saw it for what it really was.

I went inside into my storage closet and found a couple of golf balls. I dropped m on the ground in front of the path. I took a semi-wide stance over the ball, left arm straight and addressed the ball before starting my swing.

It’s a funny thing about a headless golf club. Finding the sweet spot to make the ball go straight is really hard. Kind of like eating a baseball in a way. You could also hit fungos with it I think or just have someone throw pictures at you and try to hit it.

And then one more crazy thing happened. Just when I was standing outside playing with my new homemade golf club, it started to rain. I don’t even have to water the plants today or tomorrow. God is picking up the slack.

This is what I’m saying. You make bad choices and to get smacked for it. But sometimes you make good choices and the world just opens up and gives you a big wet kiss. And I tell you, there’s not a mosquito in the place right now.

Anyway, I called my ex partner and canceled the golf club. Apparently, I have everything I need.