Hot off the presses. A major world court has declared that the United States is guilty of massive ecological destruction. They have been ordered immediately to shut down unnecessary industries for the purposes of allowing the planet to heal.

Inspectors found that the entire war effort being perpetrated on the territory of Ukraine was equal in terms of pollution to 1/50th of the United States total.

“It’s all about living well with your neighbors and it seems like all these people do is kill everything they touch. Who can live next door to neighbors like this?”

“You have to run a pump. You have to borrow groundwater. It’s just a desert here. Nothing wants to grow naturally anymore. Everything’s getting smaller. The land simply doesn’t want to support us anymore.”

Mention that this decision came just before Shabbos came into question.

“Hell yes. Please, take a day off and think about what you do. It’s not like we can put sanctions on the United States of America or anything like that. All we can do is politely recommend that they open their eyes and look around. Maybe we need the land for food, just like everything else in the world that wants to live.”

The oil business was found to be the primary actor in the criminal group. We would take the trouble to explain the charges here, but you probably get it already, don’t you? Just like it’s a waste of time to mention Russia here as well.