Wednesday, October 12th 2022

The truth

Lies

What about the Americans? Joe Rogan interviews Tulsi Gabbard about the military industrial complex making money off the Ukrainian War and the absolute fear of nuclear war starting as a result.

Meanwhile, in a world simply thinking about making more money and being happy, we have this. Thailand has decriminalized marijuana and now business is booming.

I mean, I understand that murder, death and misery is the only possible way to run a country. On the other hand, apparently it’s not.

***

It’s 2:00 a.m. . I’m not sure if this is the earliest start I’ve made or not. Actually, I have very often prepared material the day before. I guess the Yankee game is starting. I’m not up specifically for the baseball. I’m up because I went to bed early and slept peacefully but now I’m up and that’s it.

I am suffering some deep anxiety right now. I’m thinking the same thoughts I’ve been thinking since everything began. I don’t really have any place to go. I don’t have a genuine home waiting for me anywhere and I can’t see anything but ending up in a much less comfortable situation than I am in right now. Physically, I’m not up for any massive travel and economically, I cannot afford to pay for myself outside of here. On the other hand, things could get pretty dicey pretty quickly here in a lot of ways. None of this is very good for a peaceful State of mind.

First of all, Belarus is not really remaining neutral but according to everything I have heard, they are basically taking a defensive stance towards the war. It is possible that 6,000 troops could be mobilized to cross the border and create a northern front. Equally possible would be that NATO would take an interest in that Northern front. If this happens, my region becomes a war zone on day one. 

I’ve mentioned that there have been helicopter reconnaissance around the forest here. We also have seen war planes dancing in the sky and rockets flying overhead in town. In the springtime, they were flying every day and recently with this new deal between Putin and Lukashenko, the sounds of War are again in the skies.

There is plenty to worry about. If the electricity goes, I am not immediately dead. My house has the capacity to get along without electricity. I won’t immediately starve or not be able to feed myself. But this is simply a level of survival or survivability. It won’t be pretty and it’ll be pretty resource intensive to keep going. I might have enough food to get all the way through the winter but it would definitely be a struggle.

The second problem would be dealing with soldiers should they want to come through. Whatever life sustaining systems I might have could get requisition pretty quickly in a pinch. And though there is no particular strategic value to the local Forest, I would truly hate to think about the results of people living in there or fighting in there. One way or another, we are just talking about destruction and nothing more.

The third line of potential misery would come from my neighbors directly. I’ve talked about this so many times I feel that I’m just wasting words to repeat it. The vast majority of people are genuinely live and Let live and mind their own business. But there is always a number of people who cannot help but annoy other people and if push comes to shove, I can see interactions heading my way. One way or another, pushing and shoving is not going to be positive for me. I’m not sure I can win a physical conflict with an able-bodied person and all things considered, I’m not really convinced I have positive hospitalization available for myself in the near future should this happen.

After all of this, we then have the ability to see an actual shooting match going on. I don’t know that It’s 12:15 and I’m sitting out on my bench which is now complete with not only a backrest but also a nifty comfortable armrest along the top. I think it looks good, the entire structure feels tight and sitting back and having the ability to lay my arm along the rail seems to me something like rich. I like it. I like it a lot.

This is what I was talking about the other day about where good decisions should be made. In the planning stages, all I really wanted to do was rebuild the bench so you could sit on it. However, the decision to use pre-existing holes to save some time was a good one and that was made on the ground. The decision on what materials would work really well including recycling the top boards because they were in good shape was also made on the ground. And the decision for this backrest also came simply by looking at the structure after I was finished. There was a small fence in back of the original bench which was really badly built. I saved the stuff that was good and strong and backed by two steel posts and then started using some of the curved fence posts I have to make a backrest. Also, a decision made on the ground.

To be honest, you only really need one backrest. This is what I found when I put the first one in. But then, forgive me for going this direction, it occurred to me that it might be more aesthetically pleasing to mount two more below it. Your back doesn’t actually land on these things unless you are a prim and proper geography teacher. But I put in a second one and then added a third on the advice of my fashion and art consultant. You didn’t know I had one of those, did you?

But then at the moment where I really thought I was ready to pack up the tools, I had one stray rounded board and I saw something interesting and simply laid it along the top of what I built. It was exactly perfect.

My first thought was actually to build a flat top. This would be a place where you could put a cocktail of course. But then when I put the rounded board on top and laid my arm on it, a feeling of great peace and comfort flowed through me. It was one of these perfect physical positions that you absolutely crave.

Do you sleep sometimes with a pillow between your legs? A lot of people do. I think this is the same exact thing.

It took a tiny bit of retrofitting to make it work out. I had to move the top rest just a hair which didn’t hurt the aesthetics any. Then I needed to find a shim to work as a nailer to hold the thing together. This actually took some time. A chunk of the foundation board from yesterday was exactly the correct size. Unfortunately, in order to get more of it, I would have to cut up a pretty decent board and it wasn’t worth it for shims. I thought about the problem for a while and decided I needed to rip that board. I didn’t like that idea because there wasn’t really enough of it to rip and I don’t have a table saw.

After a good solid think I decided to do the Neanderthal thing. I picked up an ax and just split it and then cut each part in half one more time and then cut each part in half with a hand saw and I was good. The final issue with this is that there was a small knot at the bottom of this piece of wood. Indeed, when it split, one of the pieces had a delightful little curve in it. It didn’t matter. No one will see it and it was still the correct height to do the job. 8 screws later, I was sitting on the bench with my elbow resting on the top as comfortable as a millionaire retiree just released by the IRS of any wrongdoing.

So I guess the soldiers will have a comfortable place to sit down when they get here. I don’t want to think anymore about that possibility if you don’t mind. I don’t need to give myself a headache.

As for this particular job, I just need to clean up. The remaining rounded boards and one piece of wood I thought would be appropriate need to go back to the barn. The tools need to get put away and the electrical cord wound up. It seems I also need to do some repair work on my drill. It’s a damn fine drill. It even has a turbo gear to it that is remarkably fast and strong. I never noticed it before but if you have a good angle, you can countersink without even thinking about it. I need to open it up and find the short in the electrical connection and solder it up and we should be good to go.

So what do you think? Not bad for a cripple who can’t get off the couch. I would like to give my thanks in this project to Ghenna for allowing me the freedom to do this myself. If the guy has actually been dependable, all of this would have been his work and I wouldn’t have had any fun at all. Cheers Ghen. Enjoy the drunk.

 is interested in overtaking or liberating any towns in the Republic of Belarus. I do not see you crying in any way as an aggressor Nation and I have never heard anyone anywhere saying that if Ukraine is successful in pushing back the Russians that they have any intention of going past preexisting borders. I don’t think Ukraine wants to annex Southern Belarus.

I do see however Russia annexing Belarus generally. They have been running things here for a long time and I’ve certainly said enough about that. If the Russians directly take over here, I am not going to be on the most favored people list. Not that I’m particularly worried about pseudo legal repercussions for never shutting my mouth here. Opinions are like assholes and everybody has them. But my official status as a US citizen along with my anti-war sentiments, and deep and legitimate anti-russian sentiments, there’s not much of a good future in that direction either. This particular scenario also includes outright martial law and whatever visits from official bodies would come along with that. The least of the negative outcomes of that is deportation. I’m not even going to vocalize other opportunities for misery.

After this, we can always start worrying about the Big bang theory. Boom boom boom and we have no energy infrastructure. The rocket fight simply to contain the current rocket fight could potentially level town. After that, we have whatever military forces wandering through the territory looking for the places where they are launching missiles and we are back to the above scenarios doubled.

Or we can have the really big bang theory, one big BOOM and then everything is about radioactive fallout or how many people got vaporized in the blast…

Or in other words, if things genuinely heat up in this region, I’m fucked. I mean, I’m kind of fucked generally but all of this could be a matter of “you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Yeah, I haven’t heard that song in a long time. You think this is a curse put on me by the forever disgruntled women in my life?

I met a devil woman
She took my heart away
She said, I’ve had it comin’ to me
But I wanted it that way

I think that any love is good lovin’
So I took what I could get, mmh oooh, oooh
And she looked at me with big brown eyes and said,

You ain’t seen nothin’ yet
B-b-b-baby, you just ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet
Here’s something that you never gonna forget
B-b-b-baby, you just ain’t seen n-n-nothin’ yet..

Anyway, I guess so check out the Yankee game for a while and maybe get something to eat. I still have electricity and the autonomy of my own home for the present. Might as well enjoy it while I have the chance.

***

It’s 12:15 and I’m sitting out on my bench which is now complete with not only a backrest but also a nifty comfortable armrest along the top. I think it looks good, the entire structure feels tight and sitting back and having the ability to lay my arm along the rail seems to me something like rich. I like it. I like it a lot.

This is what I was talking about the other day about where good decisions should be made. In the planning stages, all I really wanted to do was rebuild the bench so you could sit on it. However, the decision to use pre-existing holes to save some time was a good one and that was made on the ground. The decision on what materials would work really well including recycling the top boards because they were in good shape was also made on the ground. And the decision for this backrest also came simply by looking at the structure after I was finished. There was a small fence in back of the original bench which was really badly built. I saved the stuff that was good and strong and backed by two steel posts and then started using some of the curved fence posts I have to make a backrest. Also, a decision made on the ground.

To be honest, you only really need one backrest. This is what I found when I put the first one in. But then, forgive me for going this direction, it occurred to me that it might be more aesthetically pleasing to mount two more below it. Your back doesn’t actually land on these things unless you are a prim and proper geography teacher. But I put in a second one and then added a third on the advice of my fashion and art consultant. You didn’t know I had one of those, did you?

But then at the moment where I really thought I was ready to pack up the tools, I had one stray rounded board and I saw something interesting and simply laid it along the top of what I built. It was exactly perfect.

My first thought was actually to build a flat top. This would be a place where you could put a cocktail of course. But then when I put the rounded board on top and laid my arm on it, a feeling of great peace and comfort flowed through me. It was one of these perfect physical positions that you absolutely crave.

Do you sleep sometimes with a pillow between your legs? A lot of people do. I think this is the same exact thing.

It took a tiny bit of retrofitting to make it work out. I had to move the top rest just a hair which didn’t hurt the aesthetics any. Then I needed to find a shim to work as a nailer to hold the thing together. This actually took some time. A chunk of the foundation board from yesterday was exactly the correct size. Unfortunately, in order to get more of it, I would have to cut up a pretty decent board and it wasn’t worth it for shims. I thought about the problem for a while and decided I needed to rip that board. I didn’t like that idea because there wasn’t really enough of it to rip and I don’t have a table saw.

After a good solid think I decided to do the Neanderthal thing. I picked up an ax and just split it and then cut each part in half one more time and then cut each part in half with a hand saw and I was good. The final issue with this is that there was a small knot at the bottom of this piece of wood. Indeed, when it split, one of the pieces had a delightful little curve in it. It didn’t matter. No one will see it and it was still the correct height to do the job. 8 screws later, I was sitting on the bench with my elbow resting on the top as comfortable as a millionaire retiree just released by the IRS of any wrongdoing.

So I guess the soldiers will have a comfortable place to sit down when they get here. I don’t want to think anymore about that possibility if you don’t mind. I don’t need to give myself a headache.

As for this particular job, I just need to clean up. The remaining rounded boards and one piece of wood I thought would be appropriate need to go back to the barn. The tools need to get put away and the electrical cord wound up. It seems I also need to do some repair work on my drill. It’s a damn fine drill. It even has a turbo gear to it that is remarkably fast and strong. I never noticed it before but if you have a good angle, you can countersink without even thinking about it. I need to open it up and find the short in the electrical connection and solder it up and we should be good to go.

So what do you think? Not bad for a cripple who can’t get off the couch. I would like to give my thanks in this project to Ghenna for allowing me the freedom to do this myself. If the guy has actually been dependable, all of this would have been his work and I wouldn’t have had any fun at all. Cheers Ghen. Enjoy the drunk.

***

It’s a quarter to 5 and I’m in the kitchen / Cafe just chilling with my feet up and enjoying the last drops of post meal tea. I forgot to eat breakfast this morning and got caught up in putting that bench together. I still have plenty of things to do. It’s interesting to be back in the world of the living again. But after I was finished, I realized I was at the end of my leg and simply enjoyed sitting for a while.

I made full use of that bench though. I don’t mean to brag but I was really pleased with myself. This creation is something very much in my style. It is strong and simple. It holds my weight without any problem and allows me some really nice angles. I even picked up a small block that I usually use as a chopping block and set it up on the end of the bench and lay down for a while. I guess that’s kind of like the ancient Chinese headrest which is basically a block of wood. Oddly, it was quite comfortable.

But then the weather shifted from Sunny to cold and I was forced to come inside. My first decision was to make something to eat and I used those potatoes I found in the box yesterday. It was a pretty simple meal using whatever was lying around and the last of that bean meal from yesterday. I guess it was the same comfort food as before though this time I used slightly different ingredients. It was warm and tasty and it absolutely made it that I did not need to do a damn thing other than to sit in this chair that I am still in to this moment.

I’ve been reading a lot lately and I finished an interesting read I got from Google books. I admit, it was a freebie and though I got the Easter egg that would be the big finish when it was given to me, the actual read was enjoyable enough.

Yesterday’s lesson with the boy was not so good. This was the second time he was not prepared. I should have seen this coming when he called to change his schedule around. Pretty much anytime somebody worries about the logistics of our class rather than the homework of our class, you can see that they are figuring out an exit from the pain. I don’t mean to be a jerk but you can draw a direct line from this boy to Ghenna. If that’s too hard to imagine, you can also say that the Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. His father asking if I wouldn’t mind waiting a few days for his payment is kind of the same thing. Truthfully, if he doesn’t have the money, he doesn’t need to invest in an English teacher for his kid.

I don’t mean to sound too disappointed. This is probably as obvious as that book I just read. You can’t take an old man with bad legs and expect him to be Mr happy all the time. Life just doesn’t work like that. And besides, the longer the tree lives, the more it understands that life exists to eat it. Certainly it becomes hard and resilient enough to stand for many years. But the joy of the beginning of Life fades and after that it’s mostly just waves of pain.

Look at me. Here I am doing a downer trip when I don’t need to. I’m sure there’s something good to think about.

I know what the problem is. I know exactly what the problem is. It’s the pain. I don’t mind having a bit of my life back and I am enjoying this Renaissance moment. I’m enjoying the few hours of freedom I have before the redundant pain returns. I’m enjoying the creativity and the physicality of building. I’m enjoying fixing things and solving problems. I’m just unhappy that it comes to an end. I’m just unhappy that it’s not really the full youthful experience, just moments. It doesn’t go on and on, it unfortunately has its limits.

On the positive side, having been down for the best part of the last few years means that I haven’t really been making use of all the resources I have. We have been planting berry bushes and trees lately. I did the same at the end of last year. But building things like places to sit out in the garden or working on some nuances for watering systems and such have not been a part of my world. 

For that matter, I haven’t been doing maintenance either. There is painting that needs to be done. I think I mentioned doing a little carpentry to make the kitchen a little better. Generally, I have not been doing very much to keep the place clean and orderly.

What I’m saying is that inside this what I hope will not be only a brief moment of my life, I have found that place that I have been looking for for a long time. 

No, I have not made peace with my neighbors except to say that I just ignore them now and try not to let their limitless hatefulness bother me. I mean, it’s not like I’ve never experienced morally bereft, uncultured and morbidly selfish people before. The world is full of idiots like them. We seem to make them on an endless conveyor belt. But as of the moment, it really is 99% of the time when I have no awareness of them that I am actually enjoying the fresh air and the quiet and freedom of that.

I really wish people would listen to me sometimes about some of the simplest yet most important ideas that I’ve come to know as true. If it is said that hell is the absence of God’s love and happiness is sometimes the absence of pain, then freedom is the lack of pollution. The actual ability for one to live their lives is simply to be free of the pollution of the life that is demanded of us. This is as simple as air pollution, water pollution, horrific factory foods and probably especially noise pollution. The endless din of commerce. The fundamental destruction of our world caused by Auto fumes and factory disbursements. The results of all of this shit are all around us but most people don’t even see it. They are too busy being ruined by the constant pollution, the constant noise, the constant din and the constant assault.

Freedom is freedom from assault. Freedom is freedom from violence. Freedom is freedom from pain. Freedom is freedom from abuse.

This is what I am talking about. There is no drug-like feeling to look forward to or chase. Freedom doesn’t mean there is a dragon to Chase. Freedom is not an addiction. Freedom is freedom from addiction or at least to have one’s addictions be so small as to be humorous and easily forgettable.

So I am sitting here in my kitchen/cafe and I have just made a little bit more hot water and poured it into my little teapot. All of the tea I have right now comes from the world around me. I don’t think I purchased any of it. It’s all here, either growing directly on my property, in the forest next to my property or somewhere in the basic region. Leaves from bushes, specific plants, some berries maybe. It’s all pretty simple. It’s just something warming and calming to drink. It’s just a moment of peace and quiet with a little warmth added in.

I don’t want to die in this war. I don’t want anyone or anyone else to die in this war. I don’t want this war. I don’t want this war in Ukraine and I don’t want this war here. I don’t want murderers walking around with guns and a license to murder. I don’t want political ideologies in the heads of these psychotic idiots who actually wish to make use of the moment. I don’t want Young idiot adventures having access to lethal weapons and orders to commit mayhem. I don’t want soldiers of portions going to prisons and asking psychotics if they want to run wild for a while. And mostly, I don’t want there to be world leaders that throw their people to their death as a placebo for the hatred others feel towards him. I don’t want Mr Putin using Russians as an object for people to kill as if satisfying a drug need. I don’t want any of this noise.

I’m just tired of the world. I don’t want to die. I’m just tired of the world as it is. I’m tired of how stupid it is. I’m tired of how little effort is spent on the simplest and most important things. I’m tired that governments still believe that the only way to do things is bread and circuses instead of simply finding sustainable ways to allow people to live peacefully on the planet. I cannot believe that we never, ever, ever, ever invest in peace.

***

I am in the office right now and I’ve just uploaded the text of this day’s blog to wordpress. This is probably one of the most useless activities I do everyday. I have more people paying attention to the Google docs page I actually write on than I do the WordPress site. Perhaps I could have done more. But perhaps that’s exactly the argument that I’m making right now. You’re just sick for a long time and everything seems to be about being sick and then suddenly you just feel better. Not perfect, but you start to live again and suddenly everything comes into focus.

I am also eating walnuts right now. These are my walnuts. I’m sure you’ve heard people talk about the difference between fresh food and food you get from the supermarket. I’m sure everyone takes this with a grain of salt and figures it’s too much effort to do things yourself. These walnuts are not exactly dry yet. They are still soft on the inside but there is something about the taste right now. I can’t get enough. I have a slightly rounded piece of wood and an oval shaped Rock and this is what I am using to break open the shelves. I have what is I guess something like a mattress needle if I have a problem getting into the crevices but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that this is a no-tech exercises. These things are just ridiculously delicious. It’s hard to describe the taste. They are sweet and very juicy nuts. Maybe it’s the youth. These things are fresh right now. They are babies. They are one of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten and all I did was walk around outside and pick them up.

Tomorrow I will check in with the last Torah reading of the Torah. This is the last section of the last book and next week, we start all over again with Genesis number one. At the moment, Moses is in his last days and trying to say his peace. The man is disgruntled. There is no doubt about it. But he wants the best from everybody. He wants good people.

I guess I am also getting to the end of my own task here. I noticed this in 2020 when I started out writing about politics. I noticed that what I was doing seemed to be following some kind of natural cycle. Honestly, I kind of felt like I was riding my own Torah, my own book of knowledge. I even broke it up into five sections. Why not?

Right now, all of the stress and fight of this year seems to be resolving itself. I am sitting at my desk eating walnuts and drinking tea and it seems to be a good payoff. It’s enough really to have your pantries full of food. It’s enough to know that you can get through the winter without starving or freezing to death. It’s enough of a payoff really. It seems a very fulfilling and human thing. It seems an awful mistake to worry about other things. This seems to be the truth or at least a very great truth of life.

I guess the problem is that we never stop having the mafia. We never stop having people who think of more clever ways to get their nuts. Too lazy to go out and pick them up. It seems the world is full of people who prefer to steal their food rather than grow it. It seems we’ve been burdened by these people since the beginning of time. Kind of a shame really.