Tuesday, October 4th 2022
Very early still on Tuesday morning. I’m getting to the end of a relatively sleepless night. Although outside it’s cold and rainy, where I sleep ended up to be a hot box in the middle of the night. Uncomfortably so. I made a fire last night and threw one extra log in there and I guess that last log was a mistake. Maybe that last piece of bread was a mistake. I don’t know what it was but I woke up as if I was in a sauna. Way too warm.
It wasn’t so bad however because I woke up exactly in time for the Yankees game. Aaron Judge. Baseball is however a frustrating game at its heart. To follow batters, even great batters, is to watch them fail 70% of the time. Maybe 60% of the time when they are really good. This isn’t to say that there aren’t thrills in the game or that the rhythm of baseball once you get into it isn’t appealing. And when you are comfortable following games pitch by pitch, there’s a lot there. But it is frustrating and tonight’s game was absolutely ridiculously frustrating.
To start with, Judge isn’t really getting so many good pictures to hit lately. I think someone said that he has walked 20 times since hitting number 61. Getting nothing but low and away sliders not only does nothing for his home run swing but it’s probably going to cost him his triple crown. Pressing, he’s also prone to strikeouts.
Suddenly however Luis Severino noticed that he had a no-hitter going and found an extra mile or two an hour on his fastball. By the fourth inning, he was throwing darts and was almost untouchable. Wow. You tune in for the home run record and you get a no-hitter.
Again though, never forget how frustrating this game is. Aaron Boone, the Yankees manager, was waiting for Severino as he came off the mound after the 7th inning. Severino didn’t even want to make eye contact with him. There was no reason to come out of the game. He hadn’t even reached a hundred pitches, the game was meaningless, the Yankees already have a bye in the first round of the playoffs and Major League no hitters are lifetime memories. Of course he pulled him. Blah blah blah his health, blah blah blah the playoffs. Fuck you, Boonie! Let the man pitch.
It’s not worth checking again the name of the picture they brought in. He started the inning with a strikeout and then promptly gave up a hit to ruin the no-hitter and then another which ruined the shutout even. One more look at Severino in The dugout trying to be stoic.
Meanwhile, there is another oddity going on in this game. The rangers have had six double plays already. The Yankees keep getting on base and then grounding into 643 double plays. By the time of the pitching change, they have already broken the team record and are one double play away from tying the Major League record set in 1969.
Everybody in the park is there to see Judge hit. But now we have the possibility of a Major League record happening. And in the 8th, sure enough, the Yankees get on base and get a ground ball to Short but the relay is of course late. And in the top of the ninth, the number nine hitter for the Yankees who had homered in his previous at bat hit a gentle fly ball to the second baseman to deny the crowd of one more Aaron Judge at bat.
No home run record, no no hitter and no double play record. Just a meaningless home loss for the Rangers. Maybe The only thrill of the game was a bomb hit by Giancarlo Stanton that went 460 ft. It would probably be more exciting if the 30th home run had not come from a 200 hitter.
And even as I am writing these words, Aaron Nola was taking a perfect game into the seventh inning in Houston only to have the great Yordan Alvarez break that one up too with a single with two outs.
MLB network has the Giants game tonight as a freebie. No, I’ve had enough frustration. Actually, the Niners are beating the Rams at the beginning of the fourth quarter. Maybe I’ll go fight a pirate broadcast and catch the last of that one. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay area. It’s kind of hard once it gets in your blood.
***
It’s a little bit before 9:00 a.m. and I am starting my normal non-working Monday. I finally got to sleep just after the 49ers held on to beat the Rams. It was about the only truly satisfying thing about watching American sports. Actually, it was not only good to see San Francisco hold on to win a game, it was cool because the pirate broadcast I used gave me the Archie and Peyton Manning version of Monday night football. I don’t know if this is usual or not but I really enjoyed these two guys thinking through the game much more than professional announcers telling me how exciting everything was. It was almost a relief to be free of the space-filling gibberish. And in the case of the Yankees game, I was forced to listen to the Texas announcers. Texas is perhaps one of the most conservative oil States if not the most. I can’t think of anything else to explain their style of public discourse. People are idiots apparently as far as the media is concerned.
Speaking of abuse of the media, I have a group of links worth mentioning.
To start out with, Vladimir Zelinsky is truly becoming a different man with the success of the counter offensive and the amount of money flooding into his country from abroad. He has made himself into a global citizen, much widely admired and has done as much to make an international place for Ukraine as Russia has turned itself into a pariah. In this particular speech though, he talks about some of the issues regarding retaking lands from the Russians and dealing with both people he considers traders and specifically those teachers who were following Russian curriculums.
I put a note a few weeks ago under some local news celebrating teachers going into September and the bullet points of the curriculum being taught to children here. The emphasis is on patriotism which means following State dictum. We are raising fascists here. It’s hard to know whether Ukraine is preaching globalism and multinationalism and being a part of the world community or teaching the same principles of subservance but observing a different flag.
Me? I made my living by teaching freedom of speech and following one’s individual passions. I went to a liberal University and have made my life entrepreneurially and facing it on opportunity and original ideas. I think these are good ideas to pass along and certainly better than raising our children to be good fascists.
I also had a ridiculous percentage of gold medals which means I was probably the only one teaching people to actually use language as something other than a tool of theft.
Speaking of propaganda, Ukraine has identified and captured a local trader/collaborator. Apparently, he helped facilitate local media after the Russian takeover. He is now going to jail for about 5 years. Ukraine is officially against teaching its young people hate.
In a really interesting turn of events, Olena Zelinska, the wife of the president of Ukraine has started to take a public role as one of the faces of the country. She showed up at a ceremony for a ship launching in Turkey, a shipbuilding partnership between the two countries, and here is the extended version of her interview with the American show 60 minutes.
She also showed up in Australia for a show with the same name.
The Australian version is highly produced for the strongest possible emotional reaction as was the original broadcast of the American version. This version that I’m printing is more interview and less heartbreaking Instagram stuff.
I’m just saying it means something. If it is the Slavic way to protect women and keep them as children, it is quite modern to trust one’s better half to participate in public life.
There is no doubt as to Zelinska’s Independence or intelligence and there is quite a bit of information about her on the internet. Good for her.
On an extreme negative note however, so the sources of this news are generally conservative and therefore not to be trusted as more than propaganda, Russia seems to have deployed a nuclear submarine officially into the war. Because of this, a meeting of the UN security council is being held later this evening.
They never do stop demanding your attention, do they?
***
I am trying a grocery delivery service today for the first time. I’ve been here for two years now, a good solid year and a half anyway, and this is the first time such a thing has been made available. It’s grocery store products unfortunately. Other than my ex partner, nobody took an interest in my idea of making a green delivery service for our local people from the markets. Actually, I don’t know if I could have convinced any bicyclists to make such a ride. Then again, if anybody was into the financing, maybe we could purchase a few electric trucks exactly for this purpose.
That’s kind of snow blower rhetoric there on my part. I am making a compromise here. I’m not completely convinced that I need the food that I ordered. It’s all basic Staples, grains and legumes and all of the usual things that are really only available to me through the supermarket. And yes, though I tried at least to stay with Belarusian products, I did end up buying a few things from the Russians. The lentils that I like come from them and the small bottle of olive oil comes from Spain.
I understand this is a cop out. I’m doing this simply for the sake of immediate food security going into the winter. I’m also doing it because our local store here in this village doesn’t carry any of these things. There are a few things that I buy there such as dried peas, buckwheat, white flour and occasionally when necessary certain vegetables. Mostly however, they sell the cheapest stuff which is appealing to local buyers. It is more of a convenience store relying on alcohol and cigarette sales as much as food supplies. You can get a light bulb there but you can’t get a good light bulb.
I’m also taking money out of Lena’s pocket. Part of her general service has been to run to the store for me for the last couple of months. If my leg continues to improve and with the summer desertification minimized, I’ve been thinking about getting back on my bike. I definitely could use the cardio and this would also put the store in reach. It would put several stores in reach depending on my ambition and willingness to pedal. As of the moment, I don’t trust my leg for any serious walking around. I’m good for about an hour at best. There is no way I would trust myself to go down the service road to the train right now.
About Lena, I’m sorry if the world has turned difficult between us. I didn’t appreciate her unreliability when she fell off the water wagon. I understand how changes in her life would affect her emotionally and how it has been her way to dive into the bottle when things get really tough.
There is a joke I have been telling here for a long time. What came first, the chicken or the egg? What came first, the alcoholic or the Russian wife?
I’m not exactly sure that this is that funny anymore but it’s also a good question about how deeply embedded alcoholism is to both the culture and the DNA of the people who live here. The depths of emotion that permeate tribal life here so far outweighs logic that it’s hard to not understand alcohol’s place in the philosophy. As Homer Simpson said, it is the cause of and answer to all of our problems. Do you drink because you have problems or do you have problems because you drink?
I don’t hate the woman and I’m not practicing any sort of misogyny. I’m just saving money and saving myself an unnecessary headache. Ghenna seems to have accepted my enhanced level of discipline as far as working together. He has accepted that we are not going to be buddies and that I am perfectly happy to pay him his day wages if he shows up and does a job and then cleanly leaves at the end of it. I think he actually appreciates the military discipline. That discipline is not my natural way of doing things but if this is the type of communication that is understood and gets results, we could just say this is the power of language. As far as Lena goes, I just don’t really want to get sucked into the black hole.
This is not to say that the door is closed. But last week, it ended up being a very good thing that she failed to show up. She was Moody and had decided not to show up for her usual Thursday plan. Even after I called to find out what the story was, though she agreed that she was on her way, she never showed up. I ended up doing the work myself which was a revelation that actually had enough leg to do this work. I ended up overdoing it this week and causing myself some damage. I’m working it out but still, it’s nice to have a reasonable level of function.
But then she showed up at my gate on Friday evening screaming my name at top volume over and over. I don’t even want to go into how little I wanted her company at that moment or would it feel like to have her screaming at top volume from my gate generally. Making a public show of her arrival was not wanted. Making an emotional display off hours was not wanted. And frankly, the absolute very last thing I wanted for my Friday evening was insane alcoholic company. There is no male female argument here. That door was closed for a reason and Friday is a religious holiday for me. I religiously take this day off, everybody knows it and if everybody knows all of the nuances of my reasoning for following this Jewish tradition, that’s absolutely helpful to the cause. Let’s all understand each other.
If all of these words mean that I’m actually a softy in some way, it’s probably true. If it sounds like I’m trying to justify myself for doing business with the grocery stores and having what is going to amount to a ton of plastic bags delivered to my house, I agree. It is a horrible cop out. It is however a decent grocery delivery if they get the order right. This is not just convenience, it’s food security until the nuclear war starts and even a way of filling the winter coffers with staple foods. Because this is a delivery service, it takes the stress off my ex partner to do this job and myself and saves us the taxi ride to do it.
These guys called me already and said that they will be here somewhere between 10:00 and 11:00. I guess I better get going. The gate needs to be opened up and I need to make sure I have an available list of everything I ordered to make sure they get it right.
I’m not sure if I wrote about it or not but around New years when I was staying at my ex partner’s apartment, we tried this exact delivery service and they completely botched it. Not only did they fail to deliver our vegan order, they gave us extremely non vegan foods that were supposed to go to someone else. This included frozen fish that was quickly melting in the corridor. I don’t really need to talk about how disgusting it was to actually look at these things. Most of the things people buy and consider food are actually pretty disgusting to my eyes these days. I’m sure they don’t consider my diet worth eating but other than a leg that could have been helped by the medical system if they had just done their job instead of exploiting me out of prejudice for money, I would be as healthy as a horse right now.
I’d probably still be on my bicycle anyway.
I did call them by the way yesterday. No, I am still not ready to come up. They have problems in their supply chain. They are blaming sanctions and Germany but I don’t really believe this. There is also an argument for failure that says that all supplies go through Russia these days. I myself put the blame on a blackmailing fascist bureaucrat who talks too much and poisons the ears of everyone around her.
Anyway, they say you make your own luck. They also say that once you make your own bed, you should lie in it. And that is what I’m basically still doing. It’s another rainy Tuesday. The sun doesn’t come out again until tomorrow. Today, the only thing I really need to do is to get my list together for the grocery delivery and to make sure the gates open. After that, other than tea and toast, I guess I’ll be taking it easy again. Tomorrow will be some kind of working day. Tomorrow and Thursday.
***
It’s 12:30 and I just got my call that the delivery is on the way. I am not going to make any comments about them being late. The service gave themselves a 5-hour window between 10:00 and 3:00 today. The message I got this morning said that the order was being filled and it was on the way. I called The courier to ask if this was my 15 minute notice. He unhappily said it wasn’t and this is where I got the original delivery time. I’m not holding the discrepancy against him.
I have been camped out in my kitchen which has a very nice view of the front gate which has been wide open all day. There really isn’t that much traffic on my street. It’s not even really A Street, just a dirt path. I am well away from civilization and this was one of the primary reasons I had for taking the place. Of course, I get my moments of pollution from my chicken neighbors but letting that go as much as humanly possible in favor of the 99% of the time that they are not in my life, it’s pretty quiet here. Well, except for the gasoline powered weed wackers and wood cutters and tractors they push over the field not very far from where I live. Civilization never really gets that far away.
Other than one neighbor driving out of here in their car, the only foot traffic there has been has been my neighbor Tanya. She fastidiously marched from right to left and then left to right and then right to left again. The third time she managed a hello in passing but wasn’t really interested in stopping. I called out to her a return hello and asked how she was. Her response was that she was busy.
My best guess is that she is heading into the forest to collect mushrooms. I sincerely hope she stops by on the way back. I will happily trade some money for some of her mushrooms. I could also call Ria for this but it would be doubtful that she would accept any money. I can’t tell you how uncomfortable I am receiving presents from her. I never have the slightest idea how I am supposed to pay her back. I’m always afraid that the moment I start giving away presents, I’m going to have to bring enough for everybody. This is one of the gifts of objectification and unnecessary celebrity. When you are counted as an outsider, this either makes you a public access point or isolated. I choose the latter gratefully.
But if Tanya is back, this adds yet another nuance to the local alcoholic drama society. I guess it’s not hard to imagine a perpetual on and off relationship with her husband. Perhaps she’s just back in town for mushroom season. You make money from mushrooms and it’s also a really nice part of your diet when you dry them. I personally think that forest mushrooms are one of the most delicious and essential parts of a vegan diet in this particular region. Sometimes it’s the difference between flavor and no flavor.
As I said though, I just got the call saying that the guy will be here within 15 minutes. He said 10 to 12 but you really can’t hold delivery people to any sense of specifics. I have everything I need for the interaction on hand. There is a nuance of the ordering that shows all of the things I ordered but fails to show the things I ordered multiples of. I guess we’ll figure this out right now. My guy is here.
***
It’s a quarter to two now and I’ve just finished unpacking and repacking my pantries from today’s delivery. I am very happy right now. I would say that I’m not fully funded for the whole winter, but the month of October is obviously covered and covered well. A few things will disappear in the immediate future and hopefully will be replaced by better and more lasting variants. I’m mostly talking about mushrooms. I bought some champion mushrooms in this order and I don’t believe they’re going to last a long time. So, we have mushrooms this week. Other than this though, all of the Staples of life of a simple Belarusian peasant are now here in abundance. I have enough beans and grains and potatoes and onions and flavoring agents to make life worth living for quite some time. And if I count all of the food that’s still out on the field and counting the pumpkins sitting under the kitchen table, if I am frugal and don’t make too many mega meals, I’m probably good to go all the way through New Year’s.
Okay, I agree that going with the supermarkets is a vote for convenience and the oil business more than it is a vote for ecology. I also want to repeat that we could simply establish such a business that would help the local growers. I tried with all of my heart to do this and if people would have done something other than stare at me or scream at me, we probably would have had this and the local economy would have benefited greatly. I understand all this. Nevertheless, this was remarkably convenient and extremely satisfying.
Literally, I was able to get almost all of my favorite Staples without doing anything but lifting a finger. All the work of collecting the food and bringing it out to my house was done by someone other than myself or my ex partner. It saved a minimum of one cab ride and for myself, at least a half of a day. I agree, in a perfect world with a functioning leg it would be worth making the trip to town on bike and train. It would not just be worth it, it would be good exercise and something interesting and physical to do. Without that availability, this one rocked. This one is on par with sinking the second well. This one was a game changer.
As for the economics of this, I really did not see much difference in the pricing. If they added somewhere between half a ruble to a full ruble to the cost of each item to pay for the delivery, I’m not even feeling it. I definitely ordered more than I usually would. I don’t know that I spent so much money on this order if I take everything I know about the cost of food into consideration. I didn’t buy any whim foods or anything resembling a treat except maybe for the salted peanuts. Everything was practical. The only difference was that I would never have carried this much food in my backpack.
As far as all of that bloody plastic is concerned, I have enough garbage bags to last me a long time. Well, I actually only use plastic garbage bags to throw out my plastic. Yeah, there was an awful lot of plastic. I don’t know what to say about this.
My interaction with the delivery guy was perfect. When he arrived, I asked him if he had any problem finding the place and he said that he did. It’s true, my road is not particularly marked and I’m well off the beaten path. I mentioned that this was one of the reasons I bought this place. It kept me separate from traffic and the war. This remark had him asking me if I was from Ukraine. This is the first time I’ve ever been asked this question. I understand it’s just an explanation for my Russian accent but I guess it would make sense the people from Ukraine might be running to Belarus to get away from the war.
I told him the truth that I had family from there. Then he asked me where I was from and I gave him a normal sarcastic answer that I was from Ploshad Kirova in Pinsk. He repeated the question and I mentioned that I understood and he was kind enough and professional enough to drop the subject.
We went through all the purchases and the only nuance that was difficult was that the way you order online is that you can specify the number of items you buy but in the recheck, it only shows the items and not the amount of these items. I was pretty sure I ordered a couple of things that only showed up in a single portion. His argument was that the math worked out for what was sitting in front of me and I agreed he was probably right. Even if this was not true or it was my mistake, it was not going to be any kind of a problem. The convenience alone was worth way more than worrying about this.
He took this conversation very well and handled it as professionally as everything else he did. I have to remember to have a tip ready for the next guy who comes up here. Probably next month.
Or to put all this simply as I can, I am sitting in the middle of one of the most comfortable moments I have felt in a very, very long time. My pantry is full. The available foods sitting in my kitchen available for use in a moment’s notice is at its maximum. My kitchen itself has become a cafe for me where I can sit and drink as much tea as I want and have snacks available at my whim all around me. My leg is not so problematic as to be frightened of it and my overall health is not horrible. I’ve got this nailed. In this moment right here where I’m sitting, I’ve absolutely got this nailed.
***
I’ve got a fire going in the box and I’ve got my heater next to me. The floor is getting colder. It’s about time to build up this platform I have been planning forever. The only problem I have is transporting the boards from the barn to the door. I guess it is too much walking. It would take too many trips. The actual cutting is not a problem. The cutting and the joining is easy. That would be hands and hands I have.
I guess I’m waiting for the next time I get a call. There is a difference in power. If I call, he has the advantage. I’m in need and he is important. If I wait for him to call me, he needs the money and I hold the power.
To make this clear, I do not enjoy this game. I actually hate this game more than anything else in the entire world. I hate this business of needing to use leverage in order to communicate with someone. I never understand why we can’t just make a simple business deal and have everybody do their best to fulfill the contract. That right there is utopian thinking. That is not what we have. What we have is this leverage fascist bullshit that pervades everything in life for everybody. It stops us from communicating with each other. It stops life from being livable. It is the essence of our society.
There was a moment today when I was in my kitchen and thinking very much that I had finally found the cafe I was looking for all along. I’m reading about four books right now. I’m enjoying the quiet and the texture of the authors. I am really comfortable just sitting these days. My body doesn’t really get so crazy or want to run around so much.
I had just finished writing about my experience of getting this delivery and I really felt quite lovely being surrounded by a reasonably well ordered kitchen with so much food lying around it’s impossible to worry. It really was one of the nicest and most fulfilling moments of this entire year. I had gotten my needs met, there had been no bullshit power games with the guy who did the delivery and I was just sitting around enjoying the problem of having too many materials to work with. I couldn’t figure out what to make for dinner because I had too many choices to improvise with.
I think it was me that started the conversation. I sent a small note to my ex partner. I had had the thought about taking pictures of my full cupboards but instead just sent a single line saying that I was very happy because I had so much food.
I don’t know what triggered what happened next but she wrote me back telling me that I had the possibility of getting a 5% discount by doing business with these people. She said that I needed to do something in order to get this 5%. I heard her say these words but decided I really wasn’t interested in doing any work for any discount. I told her that it seemed that the prices were about the same as they were in the supermarket and if they were slightly higher to cover the cost of the delivery, I was fine with that.
She couldn’t stop though. She made the decision in her mind that I was simply too stupid and lazy to figure out how to get my 5%. Message after message came to me from her explaining all of the things I needed to do. I needed to present myself as a person who was entitled to this 5% discount and I needed to provide documentation. It was all very easy and the place to send these things to kept showing up on my message app.
I tried to be polite. Perhaps I was placating her. I told her how grateful I was for this information but that I really didn’t care very much about it. I was very happy with things exactly as they were. I didn’t need a discount thank you. Perhaps sometime in the future it would be important to me to do this work to get this discount. At the moment I was too happy to be bothered and this really wasn’t an interesting thing for me at all.
She just wouldn’t listen to me. There was obviously a mistake. Obviously I needed to get this discount and there was nothing else in the world more important than my getting it. Sure, we had a delivery service. But unless we wrong every last nickel out of them humanly possible, unless we stretched them so thin that they became translucent from the pressure, unless we made sure that there was absolutely no profit in their Enterprise and their people suffered during Christmas time from a lack of funds could we ever truly enjoy getting groceries from these fucking supermarkets.
I started paying attention to something else and just ignored her. I couldn’t figure out why this was so important or why my words were completely unimportant. I was completely happy with the service without any discounts and in fact, I thought the most important thing would be to tip the guy the next time you came. They were saving me money and effort and making my life wonderful. I didn’t need any discount. Their prices were more than okay as far as I was concerned.
I mean, I was just buying vegan Staples. It was just about beans and grains and just a couple of things that make food taste good. It was just basic fillers of life. I mean, I could just eat potatoes all the time. That’s for the most part what people do here. The potatoes and pigs and chickens. I don’t want the pigs or the chickens or the eggs from either of them. I don’t want milk or dairy products. I’m happy with my creativity in the kitchen without using animals at all. I like potatoes but you know, I like some variations. It’s probably healthier for me.
Tonight, by the way, I decided to go completely oil free. I had a very nice bottle of Spanish extra virgin olive oil but I decided I didn’t need to eat it. I tossed some water in my big skillet and put the pot I boil water in on another burner and let everything start to heat up. I tossed in a lot of greens, some thinly sliced potatoes, the remainder of a kohlrabi that really wasn’t so good and a giant onion that I didn’t feel any compunction about only using half or saving. The plan was to add some corn porridge at the end. Meanwhile, this was to be a festive meal so I threw some peanuts and chickpeas in the blender with some things to make it spicy and peppery and a little hot and then threw a copious amount of cilantro into this mix fresh from the garden. It was outstanding.
The amount of calm I felt at the end of this meal was otherworldly. I was full but not brain damaged. I was as comfortable in my chair as I could possibly be. Outside the rain had subsided and the sun was out and the afternoon was beautiful and clear and I took off my sweaters and sat there in a T-shirt enjoying life. The late afternoon sunshine and this massive carb fest I had given myself had me absolutely warm without any help.
It was an awkward moment. The woman just doesn’t get it. I’m not thinking of this as any revelatory thing. I’ve known this for a long time. I do not really expect any relationship empathy here from my ex partner. We have what we have and it is what it is. But it seems such a shame to be forced down from such an exquisite mood as a result of some magnificent work done on the part of an organization that led me to believe they could repeat this professionally every time. It was a new toy that absolutely worked.
Except we had to fuck with it. Why we needed to fuck with it I will never know. Why I needed to be eaten out of house and home for this bloody 5%, I will never know. Why my words had no weight or anything I was saying have any meaning I will never know. Why she couldn’t take no for an answer, I will never know. Why couldn’t she understand that there is no joy in grinding a situation you are happy with? Why was it so important to push ahead?
I didn’t really like having to do this but I needed to put an end to this situation. I wrote her a note. I think it was pretty clear and I tried to be nice but I needed to make my point so that this noise would stop. I really needed to stop this noise.
You know dear, I really appreciate this help. But I wonder how much better my life would have been if you would have put this much enthusiasm into some other things I’ve actually been interested in. Saving 5% on my shopping on supermarket delivery is not really very high on my list of priorities. I appreciate all of these things you’re doing for me. But really, I wonder what it would have been like… Thanks. I will file all of this information and make the best use of it I can. I really appreciate the effort
That she heard. I’m sure that I have offended her. I’m sure she thought of herself as an absolute hero. I’m sure in her mind she was doing exactly the right thing and that nothing else should ever even be considered. There is only one way and this way must be followed without argument. Any shifting along the path will not be tolerated.
It does get extremely tiresome living in a fascist state. Living with people who have no personal agency except to fight with each other about what level they live on and who has power. The opportunity to be a teacher cannot be ignored. The opportunity to be the explainer is a necessity of life. To find someone to look down on is essential at all times. And most important of all, we can never, ever, ever stop hunting or being hungry.
I don’t know. I like life better meatless. I like life better when I’m not hungry. I like conversations better when we just figure out the solution to problems and figure out a way to make things better. I like moments when things are better. I don’t need much more than that. I don’t feel like apologizing for this. I think it’s cool when I have enough.
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