Friday, September 30th 2022
Amen.
The world wants peace. Russia wants War. The military industrial complex wants War. America wants War. So many conservative political groups want to continue War because it is profitable, because it makes disposable people, because it causes human misery which is also profitable and because nobody wants people to get smarter. Nobody wants people to become independent. Nobody wants people to be comfortable.
You know, as I understand the situation, Putin lives in a bunker. As I understand the situation, almost nobody gets close to him. Lukashenka sat with him. Lukashenka shared covid with him. Belarus never ran away from covid. Lukashenka lives in a bubble but it’s not quite as much of a bubble as Putin. He has his press corps and his people. Common people don’t get too close to the president. But Putin got close to Lukashenko.
Vladimir Putin lives in a bubble and nothing actually touches him. Nobody comes close to him, nobody can tell him what to do and he is as far from being a normal human being as it is possible to be. He lives in his own head in a world of his own device. He lives in a world of ideas where certain things go a certain way and he has no physical knowledge of anything else in the world except what he learned as a child and what gives him power. He is the definition of an Internet troll. He is untouchable. He is unfightened. He experiences none of the pain that he causes. He only knows that he has the ability to make things happen. He likes it when he has the power to make things happen.
Mel Gibson made this movie called Apocalypto.
The Mayan kingdom is at the height of its opulence and power but the foundations of the empire are beginning to crumble. The leaders believe they must build more temples and sacrifice more people or their crops and citizens will die. Jaguar Paw, a peaceful hunter in a remote tribe, is captured along with his entire village in a raid. He is scheduled for a ritual sacrifice until he makes a daring escape and tries to make it back to his pregnant wife and son.
In the following clips, we get a vision of the Mayan empire. This particular group from the tribe we meet at the beginning of the film has been captured. In the first, we see their wives being sold into slavery as the men, painted blue, are led to the top of the pyramid for their ceremonial dispatches.
In this second clip, we get the sacrifices themselves. The belief that these sacrifices would somehow help the continuation of the mind people is complete. The Mayan King revels in his power to command this and the thirst for blood is endless.
I’m just saying that this is kind of what we’re looking at. There are claims, and they are correct, that the Russians are feeding off of the lower classes, those of darker skins from poor areas where the level of education is on the brutal side. Educated people who have the capacity to afford tickets or cars or opportunities in other countries are fleeing in Mass. Protesters are beaten. Meanwhile, the actual soldiers are fighting war against a civilian population.
I would just like it explained to me how these are different. I would like someone to make a clear explanation why all of this bloodlust is necessary. I would like someone to explain to me why any of this is necessary.
The only concession that I will make is that the US is not really different. It is also an empirical Nation. Historically, Europe is no different and the British empire has done equal practices or worse. And I don’t even need to go into the Russians under Stalin or the Germans under Hitler or the Japanese or the Chinese. There is no lack of brutality in the world.
I would just like it explained to me why we must tolerate this. I would just like someone to say something other than this is the way that it is. I would like someone to show me some logic other than the profit of a minuscule percentage of the human population who benefits from all of this misery and suffering. I would just like to explain to me why it has to be like this and why no other ways are ever possible.
There is some ceremony to this nonsense. They hold a sham election, they get yet another sham result and now we can change the words of how we describe these things that we do. It is no longer a special military action, it is only a partial mobilization, it is suddenly the ukrainians who are attacking and all of this is perfectly legal because the people who make the rules without any checks or balances say so.
Me? I don’t want any part of this. I don’t want any part of this. I don’t want any part of this. I don’t want any part of this. I don’t want any part of this. I don’t want any part of this. I do not want any part of this. I don’t need this or want this or support this or believe in this. I don’t want any part of this. I don’t think anybody really wants this. Nobody needs this and nobody wants this.
And yet, this is becoming the way of the world again. As if we’ve never learned anything. As if nothing has ever changed.
***
Fuck.
There is a lot of news in here but the very last thing mentioned is that Lukashenka has agreed to send 120,000 troops from Belarus to fight in Ukraine. If this is true, the war is starting here.
Better check this out.
Is Belarus entering the Ukrainian War?
Well, there is nothing written in stone. There is nothing here but a lot of conjecture. Logic dictates however that if Russia is going to mobilize, this includes us. This is not going to go well. Nothing good is going to come from this.
***
It’s about 5:30 and I’m actually starting to move around a bit. I guess we could call this kinetic energy. Where it’s coming from is a good question. My guess is there is a ton of nervousness here now regarding the war. My guess is everybody is thinking about it and as with all unnecessary aggressive and violent actions, nobody is happy about anything that’s about to happen.
This also sheds a bit of light on yesterday. If neither of my alcoholic day laborers want to show up for their job, it’s hard not to consider politics as a part of things. People talk all the time and people have a way of believing what they want to believe. My not believing people talking has a lot to do with my separation from here. I figure things out my own way. Unfortunately, these people get controlled as a group.
As far as what to do with this kinetic energy, this is a bit of a quandary. I need to get some water. This is not that big of a deal. Whether this is dragging water from the well or dragging the hose over, getting water in the house is not that big of a deal. I should do some wash. I had every intention of farming that out but if I do have to clean my own clothes, I can do this. The problem with this is that there is 100% humidity today. It’s very cold. It’s somewhere between 5:00 and 10 degrees Celsius. Not freezing but cold, damp weather is not the place to hang your clothes up to dry. One weather report shows sunshine in the morning, another shows cloud cover. Either way, it’ll be a week drying.
I should also do some cooking today. I’m seriously considering bread. I’m also thinking hard about having some breakfast.
All of this is pretty normal except the real problem is that I am afraid to just start walking around and working like I did yesterday. I am technically supposed to be allowing some healing to my leg. Up until yesterday, everything looked perfect but at the end of the day, although I didn’t see anything dangerous, things definitely took a turn for the worse. I could blame the walking around and I could also blame the stress that comes along with the potential beginning of a local War.
Now, once you bring War into the equation, things start to get sketchy. A lot of people are running. This of course is more good business for the oil business. Running away creates a lot of economic need. All human chaos costs money and therefore feeds the economy and therefore feeds the oil business. Just standing around and waiting to die is a lot cheaper.
The problem is that nothing has really changed. I am too old and too broken to be starting over. I am too needy to inflict myself on other people and expect them to take care of me. Actually, I think there are people who would be willing to take care of me but I doubt my own ability to tolerate this care. I love my ex partner dearly but neither of us wants to give up our independent lives. Neither of us particularly feels comfortable being cared for by the other. We both accept our gifts through gritted teeth.
Of course moving to town might have more plumbing and regular heating but if we are talking about a war with a potential for tactical nukes and a propensity for overrunning and regaining towns and cities, only an idiot would run to a city center. The likelihood of her coming to me is much greater especially if and when her business collapses or gets bombed.
Do I leave the country? This is again a matter of a lot of money. I have no idea where I am supposed to go.
The truth is, I don’t feel amazingly safe or unfortunately unsafe here. I don’t believe I’ve got life covered if things really do light up around here. If any pushing and shoving actually starts, I can’t win these fights anymore. Not even close. I don’t particularly believe I’m going to get targeted with any seriousness but you can’t help but believe the situation exists. My passport all by itself and my propensity to be seen as an object of interest would be enough. No good is going to come from any of that either.
There is a lot to think about but the real problem at the moment is that I’d like to get up and get some breakfast but I don’t really want to walk around. I can walk around and I can say that I need to walk around and I can just do it. I can just go do everything I need to do and this is what I’ve been doing for a while. But if I don’t do this and just stay off my feet, I have the better likelihood of healing.
Okay, no matter what, I need to bring in some water. This is going to need to happen. I need to make something for dinner tonight and I think a little simple bread is not a bad idea. I should probably go take one more cabbage from the field. Again, not a big deal. If I really felt active, I could finish throwing hay on the garden boxes. I put a good dent in that job yesterday and I think it’s going to be our number one job come Sunday.
No, the problem is that things are getting nervous. The Russians never do leave you alone. they go all the way to the death and they don’t think of anything else. Everything and everyone has to die for the Russians. Everybody has to give their lives for Vlad Putin’s whims. Everybody has to scream loyalty to people that we don’t ever really vote for. Everybody has to acknowledge the amount of power held over us. Day after day, week after week, year after year it never ends.
The war is escalating. I need to get up but I can’t decide on what I need to do or how I’m supposed to do it. Unfortunately, I am and the world is too nervous to just sit back and read a book. Tomorrow is my day off. I will most probably turn off the news tomorrow. It’s hard not to look right now. The potential for life and death gets kind of real. But I will definitely turn off the news. I’m sure it’s true and there is a lot of bloodshed in it but if I don’t look, I just have the world around me to tell me what’s going on.
This is actually not a very comforting thought.
Oh well, maybe I should just get started with those potatoes I had yesterday. Those potatoes are pretty darn good. It’s kind of hard to argue with potatoes and onions in the morning with some hot tea.
***
It’s 10:10 and I am happy to say that I am finished with all of the wet work. I’ve done my wash and I filled up the water tanks. As usual and as expected, I made a lovely mess doing it but it’s done. As far as washing is concerned, I am aware that there is a hierarchy. Lena is better at it than me and my ex partner, using her machine is way better than Lena. No one is making these arguments.
Breakfast was pretty much what I said. I am starting to feel a bit too comfortable using olive oil to start things out. I’m not saying it doesn’t make things taste better. There is also a bit of a lubricating effect on my body. But using cooking oil is no good for you. I am not using so much. I’m not using a minuscule amount but I’m using a tiny bit. Still, a no oil diet is much healthier and cleaner than one with. Even if it’s extra virgin olive oil. Yes, olive oil is better than sunflower oil but at the end of the day, oil is oil and we are better off without it.
There was an effect from breakfast. What I made was ridiculously tasty and carby. I probably ate too much but couldn’t get myself to leave anything behind in the pot. It was too tasty. The tea was also tasty and comforting. It was yet another beautiful winter comfort food diet, warming and filling and delicious. The ingredients were not in any way important. There were a lot of potatoes and a giant onion and the last of the brussel sprout plant and one miserable hot pepper. I didn’t add any spices at all or any nuts or any creams. I just put everything into the pot to fry a bit until the oil wasn’t doing its job and then I added some water to steam it out and added my favorite noodles on top of everything. Bingo. Shazam. Loop de loop. It was awesome.
Right after this however, I needed to come into my office. I’m not quite finished with my office yet. It’s not yet too cold. But it’s cold enough to make up for how hot my body was running after this breakfast. Oh yeah, I also threw in some red lentils just before I tossed in the water. Like I said, carbs on carbs on carbs.
I’ve been reading a trash book lately. I know it seems that I spend all of my time looking at videos but I actually prefer reading to staring. The book was reasonably interesting but not interesting enough to stave off the effect of this breakfast and I quickly went from sitting on the couch to lying on the couch to sleeping on the couch.
I don’t think I was unconscious for very long but when my eyes opened, I could see the sun shining blindingly through the window. The weather report that dictated a cloudless morning was correct. Immediately, the thought came into my head that if I was going to do a wash, now was definitely the time to do it. It’s probably going to rain later on in the day but if we’re going to have clear skies and sunshine here in the morning, I could at least get a few hours of decent drying time.
I had already made the decision that if I could walk, I would walk. I’m walking around very slowly and carefully. I’m not rushing in the slightest but seriously, just having the ability to move around is infinitely better than being stuck on the couch. One of these days, somebody is going to figure out how to get even with that bureaucrat who put me here. Somebody is going to get into her world and make her pay.
I don’t need to get into my cleaning method. I have this biologically respectful soap from Germany that’s not too expensive. I don’t even think it’s for clothing but soap is soap at the end of the day. I use a couple of buckets. Back when I lived in town, I used to do this process in the bathtub using a plunger to agitate the clothing in the buckets. I had a pretty good system and honestly, I was pretty good at keeping my clothing clean. It also helped that I had access to hot water. Nobody’s arguing that hot water does a better job than cold.
Let’s just say that there are pluses and minuses to everything. If Lena had showed up yesterday, I would not have had to do this work, my stuff would be marginally cleaner and my front yard would not be a swamp. On the other side, I would be lighter a few rubles that perhaps I need for something else. I’m not rich, I’m on a very clipped income and every penny helps. If the woman doesn’t want to show up for work and I have the physical capacity to do that work, this kind of evens things out.
Working with my ex partner’s washing machine has its own uniqueness. Certainly, there is no swampy walkway or blind alcoholics to deal with. But my ex partner is kind of grooved into her washing machine. That machine dictates policy in her apartment and whatever noises it makes dictates her actions. I’m not complaining but it is kind of a distraction to be with her when she is doing wash. You never do get her full attention because one beep allows her out of whatever we are talking about and she has obligations. I’m not going to go deeply into any analogies with other electronic appliances that please women here. That would be crass. Let’s just leave the electronic dictatorship as it is. That machine is her Instagram. It is the thing that she measures herself against.
Speaking of the strange forces that rule women, as I was hobbling out to the bench in front of my house, Lena appeared hanging over my fence. Did I need any help? Where was she yesterday? She was busy. Why no telephone? She has no money to pay for it and so the service has lapsed. I mentioned that I could pay her by putting money on her phone but this is still an alien concept for her. Maybe she could help me today? Everything got cleaned in the house yesterday and I was already in the process of washing clothes even as we spoke. Maybe I needed some help? Maybe I was already in the process.
Did I feel bad? Do I feel bad? No. Maybe a little. It’s not really my job to support this woman. I’m not in business to be Lena’s sponsor. Whatever emotions she trades along with her floor washing is just part of the package really. I’m not kidding myself and I don’t really think she kids herself either. Her being busy yesterday had everything to do with being drunk. Also, it was raining and Belarus simply doesn’t work in the rain.
I would have been happy to see her yesterday. I would have been happy to have her give the floors a good solid wipe down and to wander off with my laundry that I had already bagged. But my hands were already in the water, the area in front of the bench was already swampy with biologically neutral dirty water. My feet were already wet and I had already done the effort to take the insufferable and endless kinks out of that cheap ass plastic hose I have. I already walked around and picked things up and manipulated them and did what I needed to do. The work was already mostly done. Sorry baby. That’s what happens when you don’t show up for work.
The last thing I did was to fill up the buckets and the barrels of water in the kitchen. I am not perfect at this and that hose has pretty darn high pressure for the job. Also, this electronic link that turns on and off the electricity to run my pump is persnickety. I do not have the most expensive phone in the world and I have no idea how to keep this thing exactly turned on or turned off. It seems sometimes it has a mind of its own and when working in the kitchen, if you can’t get that thing to turn off sharply when you need it to, there is no way to stop the place from getting flooded. I managed but I’m saying it’s a persnickety job.
I know I’m not doing myself any favors by walking around as much as I am. I know I would be better serving myself without putting any additional stress on my legs. On the other side of the coin, I am as grateful as grateful can be for the opportunity to be upright and mobile. The difference between a couple of days ago and today is endless. I feel 10 times more alive. I feel a hundred times more self-sufficient and I am grateful a thousand times over for the opportunity to actually cause blood flow and to be able to do things.
I made friends with a few people who are confined to wheelchairs in town. Whatever diseases or accidents that got him there, though they spend an enormous amount of time outside either pushing themselves around with motorized vehicles or having a full-time caregiver push them around, it is a ridiculous life. They interact, they experience the weather, they appear at public functions and they speak to people. I am not insulting or mocking them in any way. I just can’t believe how horrible it is to be even close to that. I can’t tell you how little satisfaction is gained by things other people do for me when I can’t do them myself. No amount of grateful emotions even comes close to what it feels like to actually be alive enough to do things for yourself.
I’m not doing myself any favors and I am definitely delaying the healing process if not breaking it all together. Is it worth it? It wasn’t much of a decision. There wasn’t any drama in it. I’m going to take it easy and I’m on limited movement. But I had a few simple jobs to do today and I simply did them and that’s worth everything in the world.
I am definitely thinking bread for this evening. For sure, I’m going to use the last of my chickpeas and peanuts and a few of my saved sunflower seeds to make a rich cream to go with whatever I make. The main meal is either going to be some soup or just a lot of veggies fresh from the field. I still have a lot of veggies growing in the boxes. That’s enough. It’s Friday and tomorrow is my day off. That’ll be enough.
Tomorrow there will be no walking around. Tomorrow I put no weight on my leg. Tomorrow I will do everything possible to take care of myself. On Sunday, we will have this discussion again about how much I can help out.
***
This is an accurate update on the war. The Ukrainian army has executed a serious maneuver and has outflanked the Russians. I guess the mobilization and the referendum and all of the saber rattling from the Russians is not deterring Ukraine from making genuine advances into the Kharkov region. News from the front says that Russian reinforcements are showing up with limited or no training. Ukrainians have received not only weapons and money but serious training from the West.
It is really easy to slip into a funk of calling things fake news. When you have two sides saying vastly different things, it’s easy to get stuck either not believing anything or just choosing the side that seems to make more sense to you. That throwing a dart mentality is exactly what’s counted on by the Russians and by other political leaders of conservative persuasion. They are not looking for critical thinking skills from the constituency. They are looking for people who have no thought whatsoever that they should even have any rights to vote or to have even a say on what happens.
I believe this update to be true and I believe these reports to be accurate. This doesn’t mean that the suicidal psychopaths who don’t give a shit about their own people wouldn’t be willing to cause massive catastrophic damage by throwing some seriously uncontrollable weapons around. I’m not saying that they are not that ruthless and careless. I’m not saying that they are not afraid of World War 3 opening up and billions losing their lives in a giant reshuffle. I’m not saying that they wouldn’t do this. They would. They might. And if things really don’t go very well, they probably will. They probably will take as many people with them as possible just to show that they could.
I apologize to any stray American friends lying around. Going back to the States might make me slightly less in the line of fire for nuclear fallout or even direct tank movements should things progress in that direction. I am not claiming any political motives or a desire to be a martyr. My love is ecology if I have to say that again. I’m just a semi-retired English teacher on a very modest budget with a very, very modest bank account trying to live out my days as quietly as possible. I vote for calm minds, reasonable discussion, veganism and attention to the ecological catastrophe that is the world we live in. This is the only flag I fly and the only leadership I support. Other than that, all of this is just shit luck.
I have really bad neighbors. There’s no other way to say it. My neighbors suck as bad as anybody’s neighbors could possibly suck. Bad luck for me and bad luck for everybody.
***
It’s 1:00 already and I’m feeling pretty good about today. Mostly, I’ve been on the couch in the office taking it easy. It’s pretty warm here today and frankly, I’m feeling pretty good about not moving the computer table. I haven’t actually been on the computer but still, it’s nice to be able to enjoy this room for what it is.
A little while ago, I got the urge to do the prep work cooking for tonight. It’s really not that big of a deal. I made my dough ball as simply as such a thing can be made. Just a little bit of soda and some vinegar to activate it and probably a 40-60 mix between whole wheat and standard bread flour. I have this stick that I use to get bread started. It’s just a piece of wood that at one point was supposed to be a fire starter. But it has something a little bit like a spoon or a knife out of one side and I pulled it out and used it in the kitchen one time and kind of liked it. Sometimes the simplest tools are the best tools.
I use this for a bread starter because it’s just not going to break. I have metal cooking tools lying around and I use them. I have some wooden instruments as well but I generally go with the metal ones just for the accuracy and ease of cleanup. Actually, I broke my shallow spoon which is my go-to instrument for my big skillet. The curve naturally fits the curve of the pot and it’s a perfect scoop or stirring instrument. I think I got it at the dollar store or something like that. When the handle broke, my ex partner tried to buy me a new one but the one she bought me was so flimsy, it was unusable. I found another piece of wood in the woodshed and simply attached it to the head and now it works better than ever. Again, The simple solutions are the best.
As for the hummus, I just went with the first things I saw so it ended up being made out of peas and peanuts mostly. I have some fresh garlic in there and some black peppercorns and the usual stuff you put into a hummus. I didn’t add any oil but I did add a little bit of apple cider vinegar. When it absorbs the water, it’s going to be ridiculously tasty.
We can argue about the name if you want. There is a way to make tofu out of both chickpeas and regular peas. The trick is to blend them up one way or another and then pour them into a pot wet and cook them down until they turn to the consistency of strong mashed potatoes. You have to be careful because this stuff really sticks to the pot. After cooking, get it into a bowl and let it cool down. As it cools, it will harden and depending on what you added as flavoring agents, you have tofu. Or maybe it’s cheese. Again, it matters what your flavoring agents are. Do you like it salty or peppery or to have a lot of herbs floating in it.
Basically I just threw some peas into a blender with what I like to flavor it with. It will come out like a hummus paste later this evening. It’s delicious, ridiculously protein rich and whatever you use it for tastes better. You can spread it on toast or you can toss it in soup. Actually, the best thing you could possibly do for it is just pick it up with some greens. Great human food. Seriously, it is one of the greatest foods I know.
Cooking didn’t take too long and I have moved back here to the office and went back to reading my book. A little while ago, Ghenna called me and wished me quite a few religious blessings. I thanked him. He wanted to know if there was any work to do. I told him that my ex partner had requested that he helped her out. I told him the time that he should show up and told him it was incredibly essential that he be on time. She is not up all day, is on a limited schedule and if he fails to be of help again, this could end up to be a serious business.
During the height of his working me, we could say our brotherhood if it makes somebody happy, my ex partner said some good words about him. She said that he was really a fine helper to have and that I was lucky to have him. This bit of stroking made the man happy in the moment but of course, he was sliding down the slippery slope within a day or so so all of this good feeling went with it. Her current opinion of all of the people who help out from this town is that they are unreliable. I don’t base my opinions on her opinions but you know, women have no problem sharing their opinions.
Oddly enough, Ghenna offered me a good appetite. Приятного аппетита is the Russian way of saying bon appetit or something like that. It’s something you say when other people are eating. The Polish have this obnoxious habit as well. I don’t know why he said it to me because I wasn’t eating. I don’t know why he thought I was eating. And if he did think I was eating, what the hell was he calling me on the phone while I was eating for? All of this is very strange. It’s hard to put my finger on it except to say that alcohol is a bear and you’re not going to win a fight against a bear and that’s all.
No, I did not require his help today after 3:00. About yesterday, he was simply called away to another town. He has a general excuse about getting called out of town. Usually when he makes these excuses, he is mushmouthed. Honestly, he never travels that far away from alcoholic incompetence. I believe he has a regular job but I also believe he drinks there as well. I don’t need to overstate it but there are gradations of him being relatively sober and attentive to detail and then there is when he is out of his head and has less balance walking around than I do. Sad case. Not my problem.
I went to Ukraine or tried to go to Ukraine many years ago. This was during the time before the Americans had a free pass and could just walk in on their own passport. We needed to buy our Visa back in those days and those visas were very expensive. I tried pleading my case to the official there. It was an awful lot of money, my family was originally from Ukraine and I really wanted to go there. Maybe he could cut me some slack for a visitor’s visa. I didn’t really have any business there except nostalgia. He wouldn’t budge but he said something very specific to me. He said, “so many people and so many problems.”
Yes indeed. I thought he was rather sarcastic but he let me know that he didn’t really care what my opinion of him was. If I wanted to take the ride, I needed to pay for the ticket. Everything above and beyond that transaction was really his Good humor in tolerating me. So many people and so many problems.
Forgive me if I’m already at my limit for the locals. Like I said, I was really happy to actually have an opportunity to button up this field well. I was extremely happy and very grateful for the opportunity to pick up a decent amount of fertilizer. You can argue vegan politics as much as you want. It will start the process of putting some life wherever you put it. My natural soil is just dead sand. And as much as I might prefer no longer having cows for slavery, it is a material that happens to be here and I could get wagon loads of it cheap if my alcoholic friend could just get to the job of getting it for me. And a straw bale that we are pulling from right now as mulch and eventually compost. I am infinitely grateful for these materials that hopefully will help my garden be more productive next year.
On the other side, it is merciless with him. You cannot allow him to be comfortable or to start improvising on his own whims. You cannot allow him to take control of the situation. You can’t let him be anybody’s boss, not even his own. You just can’t trust him not to pull you down to hell with him because it’s the only direction that elevator goes.
This being said, it is infinite wisdom to know that unfortunately for him, he should not expect me to be My brother’s keeper or even to significantly care about the man, his life or how he spends his days when he is not on my property. Whatever clinging friendship he might hope to establish, I don’t drink, I am in no way seeking the company of drunks to quell any loneliness he might think I have. I’m actually not really in the market for anything that he’s selling except that he has the wherewithal to get decent shit and straw. And occasionally, if you set the parameters as strict as you possibly can, you might even get him to show up sober enough to give you an hour’s work or so. That’s the way Ria uses him and I’m not arguing with her anymore.
Or in other words, though there is an argument about exploitation, I am no longer arguing for the cows or for local help. I don’t think anyone else in the world sees any difference between them. I doubt the local farm sees any difference between the cows and their workers. I know for a fact that Russians in general probably think more of cows than they do of people.
Anyway, he gave me a few more religious blessings and salutations and I hung up the phone on him after repeating several times that he was due at 10:30 on Sunday. Luckily, he has no religious restrictions. And he does know that he would be assisting my ex partner at that time. We have to throw some shit around, cover it with straw, clean up one or two garden beds and definitely move that pear tree about a meter and a half from where my ex partner erroneously planted it. What possessed her to plant it in the middle of the canal is beyond me. The concept of planting it next to the canal so its Roots could drink from the additional water from the rut never quite got into her head I guess. Anyway, we have to fix that.
Other than this, I don’t really know what else there is to say. I’m not going to call this quits here. There might be something before the end of the day to try to get to the end of the page with. But as of the moment, self-sufficiently I have put my house in order. I’ve done all the work that needed to get done and I’m pretty comfortable taking it easy here on the couch. I have no power to change events outside of this place. But as far as my own little parcel of dirt is concerned, everything is well in hand.
***
Okay, it’s about time to close up shop for the week. I think this was the smallest writing that I have done since perhaps the very beginning 3 years ago. I don’t remember ever taking days off before but I’m not sorry that I did. I’m going to take next Wednesday off as well. As for fasting, I’ll do the best I can.
I have two more links that perhaps are worth something. Zelinski says that normal life will continue only after the murdering, torturing and raping occupiers have gone. He has no interest in Russian threats or bureaucratic games. He just wants the Russians gone. I can sincerely understand that and wholeheartedly concur.
He also posted a very interesting history of Donbas that perhaps is worth looking at.
It is extremely hard to ignore a war in your own backyard. I don’t even really try to ignore it. You can’t ignore it. You can’t ignore neighbors who believe it’s a usual and normal part of life to try and kill you or bring misery to you by torture. Literally the chicken people qualify as Russians as far as I’m concerned. You can’t ignore them and they never ever let you live your life without hate. Remember I told you that.
Nevertheless, I just have a few things to say before I close up. I specifically made notes to myself not to close up without mentioning it. I mean, I never did take genuine notice of the solstice as it came and went and that bothered me to no end. I meant to. I saw it coming and arriving, I just ended up talking about other things. I don’t repeat mistakes.
The first one was just a foolish moment in the kitchen the other day. I was up on my feet and trying to cook but I lost my balance. I mentioned that my ex partner had given me some extra virgin olive oil. She had given it to me in a used soy sauce bottle but never mentioned that there was a problem with the cap. I bumped the table and saw that the oil bottle had fallen. I couldn’t see how much of a spill but even when I tried to pick it up, it fell again and this time there really was a spill.
There are two kinds of oil spills. The one that we have in the Baltics right now because the Russians both insisted on putting an oil pipeline in the sea and insisted on starting a war that included their inherent god-given right to sell off their natural resources. These kinds of oil spills destroy all sea life in the ocean and effectively harm every living thing on the planet. We don’t want these. The other kind of oil spill is what I had to deal with. I used a bit of paper to mop it up and then not wanting to waste it, I gave my cutting boards their first oiling in a long time. It’s not really the correct oil but it did make the wood look rather rich.
The second moment came this afternoon in the office when a rather beautiful butterfly came and sat on my leg. It was trying to get out of the room. It had found its way in but now found the windows in its way. He was asking me very nicely to help. Before the last few days, any insect that came to me for help was just out of luck. I couldn’t get up and open doors and even if I could, I couldn’t carry them. Today, I got up and made a cup with my hands and gently picked him up and walked him to the front door. It was the first time I’ve had the wherewithal to do something as simple as freeing a butterfly. When I opened my hands to let him go, he held on for a moment. No reason to rush. He turned one time and said thank you before flying off.
This week has been a very good week. Certainly, there has been some pain. There is always pain. But some very good things happened this week. This week I got my life back. It’s not settled but it’s better. It’s not all terrible. There is a little ray of hope in there.
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