Thursday, September 15th 2022

I hate to be the one to say I told you so. But I told you so.

Russia spent $300 million to covertly influence world politics, U.S. government says

Russia has covertly spent more than $300 million since 2014 to try to influence politicians and other officials in more than two dozen countries, the State Department alleges in a newly released cable. The cable released Tuesday cites a new intelligence assessment of Russia’s global covert efforts to support policies and parties sympathetic to Moscow. The cable does not name specific Russian targets but says the U.S. is providing classified information to select individual countries.  Russian President Vladimir Putin launched wide-ranging campaigns to influence the 2016 and 2020 U.S. presidential elections.  A senior administration official declined to say how much money Russia is believed to have spent in Ukraine, where President Volodymyr Zelenskyy and his top deputies have long accused Putin of meddling in domestic politics. The official noted allegations of Russian influence in recent elections in Albania, Bosnia and Montenegro, all Eastern European countries that have faced historical pressure from Moscow.

Where are all these psychopath conservative government people coming from? Where has all of this governmental fascism come from? Where has all of this maniacal propaganda and dirty dealings come from?

The answer is money. The answer is money and though I believe this is a very interesting piece of propaganda to release publicly now, ahead of the midterm elections in the states and at a time that the war seems to have changed in favor of the ukrainians, it’s hard not to believe in the truth of this. Even if it’s just for the obviousness of it.

Personally, I would say the number is a lot larger and I don’t think you have to guess as to where this influence peddling went. All of the recipients seem to be under the same mind and saying the same sorts of things and doing the same sorts of things. I’m also not saying that Russia is the only entity to blame in all of this. I’m just saying that what has been going on in the last decade has been noticeable, understandable and the source of it is knowable.

Like I said, I told you so. I’ve been telling you so. I’ve never stopped telling you so.

***

It’s hard not to understand this. I’ve been saying this for years. We really don’t want the Russians here. We don’t want the Russian effect and we don’t want the Russian landscape. Tell them to go home. Just tell them to go home.

I mean, how much evidence do you need? What did you think they were doing?

***

On Charles Darwin and The Descent of Man. 

We are animals, get it? We are not ethereal beings made in the image of some vast entity who lives in the sky. We are ruled by Nature and we are ruled by our own nature. Add into this mix profitability from the corporate industrial sector and you get a mix that seems to look like the stupidest generation in the history of History.

Okay, it’s a little after 4:00 in the morning and I’m not sleeping very much. I’ve got a lot on my mind I guess and a lot to do today. It seemed for a moment that I had a good thing going on, I was grooving into a really nice mood stemming from this really slow pace I was getting used to. There’s too much activity going on here now. I opened up the floodgates and started giving people access to money. Everybody went crazy and started partying on me. This is the last thing I want and the last thing I need.

The truth is that people are absolutely insane for money. They are living a rather deprived life and yet shown pictures of others who seem to have more. We lionize the social networks and all of these highlight pictures people take of themselves taking vacations to exotic locations and wearing new clothes or even showing off brand new young bodies. We are ruled by jealousy and this creates a constant seething anger.

Yesterday, Ghenna asked me to open up my gate because he was supposed to have horse access all day. I was supposed to get all of my deliveries of materials, the goddamn charcoal was supposed to be removed from the barn, some garbage that we found in The Root cellar was supposed to be taken off and all of the staging was supposed to be in place if and when we get a delivery of new topsoil. None of that happened, I ended up paying him more money based upon theoretical work and then all these people started walking into my property through the open gate staring at me with their hand out waiting to get paid.

You know, when I first started closing my gate people of the village were a bit put off by the action. People don’t do that here and the doors remain open. This is supposedly what is expected. But I never found any of this friendly neighbor shit. All I found was a bunch of people coming to me thinking that some money would solve their problems. It not only became irritating, it drove me insane that I ended up having a lack of privacy only because people decided that I was an access point to pick up money.

When I closed the gate, there was the usual hate that comes along. I have shit neighbors and they were looking for any potential political point. They wanted to raise their own social standing by diminishing mine. Scapegoating is pretty normal and I have the normal adult headed psychopath oil Business neighbors who seem to think that their conservative mindset is appropriate.

No, none of this is happy. None of this is enjoyable and none of this makes anybody happy for any reason.

All I wanted was to get away from town and the pollution and the noise. All I wanted to do was get away from the cars and be where it was quiet and there was a little fresh air. Why I needed to be so lucky as to draw so many greedy flies is an unfortunate truth of the place that I live. I don’t kid myself to believe that only this place is like that or that only here are people who act this way. I’m quite sure this is a universal way of life these days. This is life under fascism. This is life under conservative control. This is perpetually enforced poverty and economic slavery run through brutality. What the hell does anyone expect that might be different?

But I had a vision in my head that I might be able to get something out of this place. I had a picture in my head of some kind of a food Forest where at least a few months a year, I would have all the fresh food I could handle and all I had to do for her was simply walk out outside and pick it up. It was all about food. It was the only thing I was really interested in doing.

Okay, to help inspire such a thing, the first thing you need is soil health. The land that I purchased is in a place that does not have exceedingly rich soil. There are plenty of fruit trees around town and people have successfully created orchards and grow their own potatoes here. But such success comes from those who actually take care of their land. I understand that the main fertilizer is animal manure and this is a bit of a compromise for myself. But such practices are possible and if we mix this with what I understand to be good land practices to help keep the soil health up, it’s possible to have a successful and sustainable garden that functions.

So the situation is that when I don’t have people around me, I have the possibility of doing things to help create this Garden. But the moment my attention is drawn in the other direction, specifically out towards the street, all I have is noise, horribly worthless emotions, empty politics, hate and to the relentless search for money from perpetually impoverished people.

All of this interaction is a compromise. I have yet another bit of hate against me from the medical establishment who decided it was perfectly appropriate to try and blackmail me into giving them money ahead of allowing any medical treatment. This has left me with a leg I had hoped to be much more functional. I put myself in the hospital for 6 weeks and sat on the floor of my ex partner’s apartment for another 6 weeks hoping I would have enough fucking leg to actually be able to do the work I needed to do. 

But then I was getting pushed again. My ex partner started making money choices and suggesting things we should plant without consulting me. People started showing up and telling me what I could and couldn’t have. All anybody wanted to do was use me for a scapegoat or go behind my back and talk shit about me. Everywhere I looked, it was impossible to get what I needed and always, always, always there were people with their hands out waiting to get some money. Everything is always, always, always about fucking money.

Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I’m tired of not being able to sleep because my leg hurts too much. Maybe I’m just tired because of how painful it is trying to run a cultivator through a small garden just to take the grass out of it. Maybe I’m tired from the sheer amount of pain I’m looking forward to from moving materials around just to improve soil health ahead of next year. Maybe I’m just tired of all of this drunken compromise I have to go through with Ghenna. Maybe I’m just having tired of fucking drunks on my property generally. Maybe I’m just tired of having so many drunks in my life. Maybe I’m just tired of living in this fucking hell of a country. Maybe I’m just tired of living generally.

I read a biography of Jack London many years ago that pulled no punches on his reasons for checking out early in his 40s. It was about money. True, he had been a strong and adventurous young man and had indeed gone to the Klondike and worked on boats trying to make some money, trying to make his fortune. And yeah, he suffered through years of being ignored as a writer before being discovered and having his star explode.

The depression that led to his eventual suicide came not only from the diminishment of the excitement of life that comes naturally as we leave our youth and head up into our maturity but also from the constant harassment of people who wanted him to give that money. He tried to be generous. He tried giving work to people and to make use of their expertise. But what he found was that there was absolutely no satisfaction in this. If he did give someone money, he was enabling their begging. And no matter how much she gave or in what direction he helped, nothing from any Enterprise brought anyone any happiness or feelings of life. It was all literally just a crock of shit.

One day decided enough was enough and quadrupled his available dose of morphine that he was taking for pain and depression. I am not an opiate addict but I know people who are. I’ve taken opiates in my life when they were available. They don’t bring happiness. Just a little numbness or a lot of numbness that helps. Opiates are not good for the human animal. 

And then he knew no more.

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to find a comfortable center in all of this. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to walk comfortably again. I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel comfortable in my own body and I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to enjoy my days. I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel as though I’m enjoying my life. I don’t know if I’m ever going to feel that life is worth living anymore. And no, I’m not begging to have little children around so that I could suck off their innocence as a drug against my own depression. 

I am trying to make something beautiful that has some life in it that gets renewed every year and allows for some small moments of pleasure. I’m just getting really tired of being touched by alcoholics and drug addicts and blackmailers and beggars. I’m really getting tired of being bothered by fascists and those damaged by fascists. I’m tired of my ears being assaulted by for profit noise. I am tired of the advertising and I’m tired of the backstabbing talk and I am tired of the politics and I’m tired of listening to people blather on in the hope of finding a few pennies to enrich themselves. I am tired of a world that believes money somehow equates to happiness. It doesn’t. Money does not equal happiness.

All I’m trying to say is that we’re supposed to let nature win. All I am trying to say is that the appreciation of God, God as a concept of something that is to be worshiped and feared and appreciated and loved, needs to be addressed for what it really is. We are supposed to be loving and fearing and worshiping and appreciating nature. Nature is our God. Nature is who brings life. Nature must win the argument. And anything else we do to work against nature for whatever reason we allow into our adult animal brains leads to ruin. Any corruption of the natural world is the death of all hope.

I guess that’s a lot of deep talk there at 4:00 in the morning. I wish I had something optimistic to say but I have no particular optimism or happiness today. Today I just have a lot of pain in my leg that’s been with me all night, too much work left over that still needs to be done and too much necessity to have alcoholics walking on my property believing they have access to me. I am not enjoying this moment. I thought it was nice to have access to resources for a change. But the compromises I am making are taking any sense of love away from me.

I hope people are happy with the knowledge that the tap has been shut. There will be no more shopping trips or money parties. The well went dry from overuse. Sorry, this tit is closed. 

***

It’s 9:30 now and Lena has come and gone. During her stay I admit that I vented a little bit. Let’s do the specifics of what I had to say, you already know it. It’s the same thinking that went into this this morning. I don’t need to practice my words and I try my best to say the truth whenever possible so it wasn’t hard to repeat.

I think the message was well received. I’m sorry but if you’re not an alcoholic, it’s really difficult to tolerate alcoholic bullshit. Sometimes I think the entire world is made up of alcoholic bullshit and I am tired of listening to it.

The floors got mopped anyway and she was aware that there wasn’t any money coming. I tried to speak to her about putting money on her telephone as a manner of remuneration but she had no enthusiasm for such talk. Even though the money is exactly the same, you understand the difference between paying for the telephone and having actual money in your hand to buy things with. It is the same money in her life one way or another but I guess there is no replacement for that physical Joy of actually getting money placed in your hand that you can go out and spend.

After she left and the floors had dried a little bit I tried calling Jenna but, surprise surprise, he is not available by telephone. Perhaps he is in the middle of something important. Perhaps he’s working and can’t answer the phone. Perhaps aliens came down out of the sky and pulled him up into their flying saucer on a beam of light and are currently learning the nuances of Russian drinking with him. In any case, this is a problem.

Specifically, it’s a logistical problem. I gave this guy money to do whatever he needed to do but he specifically said that he would have the horse yesterday. We talked about it and I paid for an additional two loads of fertilizer, one load of straw, to take a bunch of garbage that he pulled out of my root cellar and to pick up his goddamn charcoal briquettes already. All of this work needed to get done before I take delivery of 10 tons of new topsoil. There is an argument as to whether or not I need this topsoil. It might be Overkill. It’s not really so much money but it is an investment in effort running wheelbarrows of the shit back and forth from where they drop the pile to where it’s needed on the field. It’s not a huge manpower effort to do and I would be happy to be doing this myself if I had even moderate legs to do so. The problem is that all of the other material needs to be on the field before that stuff comes because there’s not going to be a road to come in and put stuff on the field after it comes.

This was the biggest problem. Do I genuinely care that the guy shows up sober and then the moment he leaves he will stop and get a drink before his day continues? No I don’t. This is his life and he’s welcome to drink himself into the Earth as quickly or slowly as he is able to tolerate. I really don’t care about the man’s addictions or problems. All I’m interested in is whatever relationship leads to mutual happiness and if he needs the day labor and I need some things that he can supply, I would just assume that we get to work done and then he can go drink a fucking River as far as I care.

I tell you, I don’t like coming to the end of my tolerance. I don’t like losing my cool and I don’t like being so angry that I have to vent. I don’t like raising my voice. I don’t like having to experience any of this bullshit. Right now, I’m looking at a material problem and I’m looking at making choices I shouldn’t have had to make based upon the logistics of how fucked up these alcoholics are.

As for what to do now? Nothing. I’m going to go make some breakfast and lock my gate. I don’t want any more visitors. I don’t want anyone else feeling free to walk into my property to find me. If they can’t call me on the phone, I don’t need them. Even if they can call me on the phone, the odds of me needing them are pretty dim. The only thing I need right now is for my alcoholic former military brother to show up with his horse cart filled with material that I’ve already paid for and get them to places they need to be before I have a truck driving on to my property to drop 10 tons of topsoil. I have no other dramatic problems than this. And if this doesn’t happen and I lose this opportunity to buy the topsoil or if this whole thing starts turning shitty or doubles in price, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to say except that this bank is going to be closed for a long time to local usage if this deal gets fucked up because people can’t get through their day without getting drunk.

***

More war crimes. In this case, this is a page right out of the Star Wars empire playbook, isn’t it? Seriously, perhaps we genuinely can do something to put a stop to the Russians once and for all.

You know, I saw this video last night and decided not to publish it. It’s a little rough to listen to. But I’m thinking that it probably should be here. The implication that the ukrainians are castrating rapists is a tough one to swallow whether it is propaganda or not. But how exactly do you deal with war criminals? War all by itself is an abomination and a crime against nature. The word war crimes is a natural oxymoron. But on the physical side, the side where reality exists, what do you do with the rapists? What do you do with the ones who take pleasure in creating pain? What do you do with the ones who do nothing but cause misery to the civilians?

These are interesting questions.

***

This week’s Torah portion is called Ki Tavo. The words mean it will be and basically, the reading goes something like this.

The first portion says that the first fruit of the harvest needs to go to the priests along with a prayer of thanks to God for having delivered everyone from the cruel bondage of Egypt. The new land was one of milk and honey, a fruitful land that would feed everybody. The first examples needed to be handed over as thanks.

The second portion says that the second portion of fruit should be given to the poor. It also should go to the Levites but specifically, it should go to those who cannot take care of themselves. Have pity on those who need it.

The third portion says that this is a holy day, the day that you give to charity. It is one that shows that you follow all of The commandments. It is a day to consider yourself a good person and one who understands the laws as given.

In the fourth portion, the people were told to write the words of the Torah on stone tablets and to make an altar from these tablets and that this place, with the holy words, would be a great place for barbecue. You can’t forget the barbecue.

In the fifth portion, they talk about making sure that we understand about not being thieves or sexual perverts. There’s all kinds of rules about who you can and cannot sleep with and there are also rules about stealing from your neighbors and being a general pain in the ass. They are kind of specific as to practices which are absolutely taboo. It’s important to remember these things.

The 6th portion is really pretty gruesome. It starts out by saying that believing in the Lord and following the rules means you will do good in war, your Fields will have plenty, you will be blessed with healthy children and the world will run well. And then it goes on for a really, really, really long time about very specific curses and problems and medical issues that are going to follow you around and make your life miserable should you not follow the straight and narrow. It’s a simple bit to say be good but apparently they need lots and lots of examples and lots and lots of threats in order for people to truly understand that you’re going to get messed up really bad if you don’t tow the line. Blessings and curses. A couple of blessings and a long, long, long line of curses.

Finally in the 7th part, Moses tells everybody to remember everything they had been through under his leadership. He reminded them that they were on the threshold of the promised Land. He reminded them that all he had told them had been true. He reminded them of all of the good things they had received and all of the bad things of course that they had suffered because of transgressions.

Pretty simple stuff. Pretty straightforward. A little reminder so that you would never forget. The trick is to be a good person and be reasonable with others. The trick is to be a moral person and not to inflict yourself on others unnecessarily. The trick is to be fair and just and to be good to those around you. The trick is not to be users, not to be parasites, not to be weak of the flesh and to work hard and be good providers. If you do that and you lead a righteous life, everything will be okay and the nation and your people shall survive.

I don’t really have anything snide to say here except that I can live without the barbecue. I think it’s a bit hypocritical when we talk about not harming others. Maybe we should be good people and leave the animals alone as well.

***

It’s a little after 8:00 and I am already in quitting mode. I have had a black male day today. Today all of the drunks got together and decided to gang up on me. You know these things are coming. They can’t help themselves. They put themselves in an obsequious position of begging and then it drives him crazy and they try to find a position of power. This isn’t the first time, it won’t be the last time. When you live with people like this, you have to expect them to go through their paces.

Eventually it’ll clear up. They’ll never forget that I’m living here or that I’m an American and that means that no matter what I say or do or what they see as reality, they will never take that little nugget of knowing that says I have money and that if they figure out a way to be clever enough, they might actually get a taste of it. Even if it means just having a chance to stand next to me long enough to feel my American charisma.

My phone rang a couple of times from Ghenna. He never completed the call and when I tried to call back he never answered me. He has found a reason to revel in his power. Actually, he’s gotten quite a bit of money from me so more than likely he’s just drinking himself to death. I mean, I can talk all about these power games but push come to shove, if he’s got the money in his account to buy vodka, he is a popular man and he has plenty of friends who will drink with him.

Me? I just did my job today. I actually have a couple of piles of fertilizer so with my leg feeling actually a little bit better, I went out and finished cleaning the 3rd of my mid gardens and then tossed fertilizer in two of the three beds. By the time I got finished with the second, I was at about my limit. I have not been very athletic for quite some time and the combination of fatigue and leg pain was enough to get me to agree to stop. I still have plenty of time to get all this stuff done and I can always improvise if in fact I don’t get any more material to work with. I’m sure I can find some through legitimate means if I have to.

While I was working out there, I started wondering whether or not this topsoil was Overkill or not. What genuinely infuriated me about today’s blackmail is that I have a logistical problem. If this delivery of dirt comes as I’m sure it’s going to come, their truck will simply drop it on my land. Maybe there will be a place for a horse cart to go past it or maybe there won’t be. If the original plan had been taken care of, all of the fertilizer and the straw would have been in place before this. After that, it’s just a matter of going back and forth with a wheelbarrow and smoothing out the material once you drop it on the ground.

It felt good to be working outside. I am not really a wonderful caretaker as a gardener. My real History is that of a builder. I’m not really convinced my ex partner is such a good doctor. She leaves with her wallet and thinks she can buy her way to happiness. I wanted to have a closer relationship with my plants but for some reason, I was never allowed to find that connection. The only connection I seem to be allowed is to the alcoholics and the abusers. Just like the Torah says, eventually they are going to cause you pain for not going along with things. I don’t know what the hell they think I’m supposed to be going along with. I’m not interested in drinking with anybody and I sure as shit I’m not going to go Christian anytime soon. I have no idea what’s in their addled brains but there is absolutely no reward for me at the end of whatever they think they are selling. Like I said, it’s just blackmail. I don’t have anything to give them and they always learn the hard way. Actually, they never learn it but it always ends up repeated the hard way.

But today I was in a really nice mood. It made me happy that I could get up and get down into the mid gardens and scoop the fertilizer into my wheelbarrow and slowly get it into place so I could toss it out and distribute it evenly throughout the garden bed. It felt good digging out the grass and smoothing things out with a rake. It felt good working with a pitchfork. I didn’t last very long before this feeling turned into weakness. But it’s my land and it felt good actually physically doing the work to take care of the place for a change. It’s been a long time since I’ve even been close to that. For that I’m grateful.

The English lesson went very well. The boy showed some genuine signs of growth. He has thrown himself into the simple work I’ve given him and he has confidence that he might actually understand something. Today I pressed him to do some translations. I’m not a fan of translating. It’s not a part of my genuine method. But for a first month young boy who came to me saying that he had a hard time understanding English, working to remember a few specific words and to make him pay attention to a few more details is not causing too much pain. He has great optimism. We’ll see how he is in the future but he looked good today.

About tomorrow, I just have a lot of work to do. I have to bring in water and do a wash. I was supposed to do that wash today but I never really got around to it. A lot of stress in the morning and then I got kind of busy in the afternoon. I hate my one meal today a little earlier than I usually do. I seem to be down to one meal a day these days. I eat maybe three times but I only have one big cooked meal. I have some fruit in the morning to get started and then when I can’t take it, I eat something. A little more fruit in the evening and that’s it. Maybe this had something to do with my lack of strength but I don’t care.

I’ll probably make hummus tomorrow. I suppose I could take the trouble to make some bread. I haven’t made bread in a long time. I actually have been thinking about making use of the delivery service I have now. This place has been out of delivery range for a long time but, the prophet seeking supermarkets decided to make sure that I have service. I’ve yet to try it but maybe tomorrow I’ll just order in instead of cooking. Who knows?

So the plan is to take care of the food, make sure I do all the washing and bring in the water for the house, try to push the fertilizer game a little further and then make sure everything is cleaned up and put away by the end of the day. I don’t know if I’m going to get any calls for ongoing labor tomorrow. Today, I saw that I could probably do all of the work that’s needed by myself. I won’t be as fast as a brutal alcoholic but I think I can do the work necessary before the season is over. I mean, I have plenty of time. Even if I go really slowly, achingly slowly, I can still get everything done. Why not? It’s mine, right?