Tuesday, July 26th 2022
It’s a little after 7:00 and I guess I’m going to be okay at least for a little while. Yesterday was pretty bad but if I have to say something, at least I made an effort. Sometimes you don’t know what’s going on until you actually dive In. This is not a case for absolute optimism. Sometimes you probably really should know better. But at least I tried so like my mom used to say, I get an e for effort.
I guess I really don’t know what that means.
I watered yesterday and I’m going to water again today. There is some rain forecasted for the evening tonight but why count on that? However, it’s supposed to be a little cooler so this is a positive. Nothing and nobody really likes it when it gets too hot.
I do have some physical work that definitely needs to get done but I’m going to go slowly and easily on everything. I’m trying to keep myself out of the hospital right now as much as I can. I need to think practically and carefully.
But I do want to clean up a little bit. It is not for any particular sense of aesthetics. It’s just a matter of knowing what I’m looking at and keeping things reasonably under control.
I’ll be honest that I wish I had more ambition. I don’t have almost any drive to do anything right now. Perhaps it’s my sense of nihilism. I wasn’t always like this. The world has given this to me. I’m not asking for special treatment because the world is shit. Too many people are suffering right now for me to feel as though I have a right to complain. Lots of people have it worse than me. I’m just saying that I don’t feel any particular drive to do anything about anything or for anybody. I just don’t particularly feel the need to make any extra effort.
In fact, why don’t I just stop right here. I don’t really have anything to say. I don’t have any particular philosophy worth talking about. I don’t have any explaining to do about the essence of man or the quality of life. I think I’ve made my point that I believe your ecology to be the most important subject to speak about.
I don’t think people should be worrying about anything more than food, clothing, housing, practical education and medicine. I don’t think we need the economic system we have because I believe it is the thing that is killing us all. I think people should go vegan and I think we should all adapt to a quieter, gentler and more honest and respectful manner of cohabitation on this planet. This is cohabitation with ourselves and with the planet and all the living things on it, including the oceans and the air and the land.
I think I’ve made this point already. I don’t know exactly what the number of words I’ve written is except that uneducated guess would have me a bit over 3 million. Maybe three and a half million and I’m coming up on a million words this year. I don’t know the size of this effort.
Sometimes I feel I would rather go back to different types of writing projects. I used to like riding plays. I suppose I could put my efforts into books. It’s all the same really. Perhaps I’d like to put my efforts into something like this rather than keeping up this daily individual journalism or whatever this thing is supposed to be.
I don’t really know. I don’t really know and I don’t really care. I just know that I need to take care of myself but I also need to take care of my place.
I guess what I really need to do is some serious thinking and planning. I have a lot of work to do heading into next year and I have a lot of time to do it. Next year is going to build on the mistakes of this year and next year will have to be better. Next year we’ll have to be something to be proud of. I’m actually pretty proud of this year but next year, next year.
If you’re wondering why I’m talking so much about next year, it’s for two basic reasons. Firstly, my fiscal year is coming to a close at the end of this week. I’ve already wrapped up my finances and there are no business surprises one way or another. Everything is orderly and moving along kind of on autopilot. Even next year’s budget is already in place. The finances are literally unimportant.
But this fiscal year was originally constructed to go along with the school year but the school year was originally constructed to go along with agriculture. So in this, I find it very suitable to be thinking about next year’s agriculture plans. I think this is exactly the time to make sure I’ve learned from my mistakes and can capitalize on what I have learned.
In the meantime, I’ve got a ton of food here. Even if the lentils turned out to be bullshit, I have more food than I need. Everyday has fresh vegetables in it, lots of greens and the food is basically organic and tasty. I’m generally taking care of my health with my diet and I think I get enough fresh air. This year has not been a failure. Yesterday was a bad day but this year has not been a failure. This year has been okay and next year will be better.
Well, this is not exactly true. In a perfect world, in a world where all people were concerned about the safety of the planet instead of their own party needs, we would be fine next year. Now however, the house makes sure that they get their monetary cut. Of course there is a vigorish on the world. Because of this, every year the drought is going to get worse. Every year the weather is going to get worse. Every year it’s going to get hotter and dryer and all the living things that have evolved based upon a reasonable weather pattern are going to be forced to change too quickly, like an unnecessary War shoved down your throat.
No, there’s a goddamn good reason why I am becoming a nihilist. Nobody else wants to learn from their mistakes. I don’t see any signs of learning. Everybody just wants to keep it going and nobody realizes that they’re making a mistake.
So there’s that.
***
Of course, when you try to figure out what the cause of what could obviously be called depression, you can’t only look inside yourself. You can see what the world has become. There is certainly enough evidence as to what the people I live with are capable of. Or we could just say people in general.
But there’s more to it than that.
Russia to further slash gas deliveries to Germany via Nord Stream pipeline
Russia’s Gazprom said it would again reduce gas deliveries through Nord Stream 1 by 20% for ‘repairs,’ cutting the current flow in half. The new blow to supply comes as Europe scrambles to store gas for winter.
Russian gas giant Gazprom said Monday it was cutting daily gas deliveries via the Nord Stream 1 pipeline to 33 million cubic metres starting Wednesday.
That would correspond to 20% of the pipeline’s capacity. The current flow of gas into Germany is only at 40%.
My question is why are they even hesitating to close the tap generally? This is natural gas and not oil but at the same time, it’s hard for me to comprehend how Germany or Europe as a whole finds it hard to understand that all prophets heading to Russia go to fund the war effort. Why are they more worried about taking the opportunity to shift over to more sustainable forms of energy then they are supporting an aggressor Nation? I just don’t understand the politics.
I mean, I do. This is exactly the exact same thing I get when talking to almost anybody. I’m not claiming to be famous or well known even, but when I talk to friends and they are aware that I put ecology first in my own life, they do not seem to think it has any relevance to themselves. They don’t even really want to let any of these thoughts seep into their consciousness. They are tired and dimwitted from the toil of life and they just don’t want to be bothered with any individual thinking that would Rock the boat. “Blah blah blah, thanks Adam for the thought but really, I’m just going to make myself as comfortable as possible because life is so very hard as it is.”
It’s exactly this that makes it ridiculously hard to find silver linings anywhere. It’s what takes almost all of the positivity out of everything.
***
Is it normal to have forest fires every year? Drought, high temperatures… Time to step back and reflect on the causes? Of course not.
Meanwhile, over in Europe…
Russia just basically threatens everybody. Send more weapons, we’ll kill more people. Time to step back and reflect on the causes? Of course not.
The Guardian has Putin weaponsizing food, energy and refugees, spreading economic and political pain across the continent. I’d say monetizing but why quibble semantics?
The idea the Ukraine conflict could be confined to Ukraine – Nato’s politically convenient grand delusion – and that western sanctions and arms supplies would stop the Russians was always a nonsense. Now, enraged by Kyiv’s stubborn resistance and hell-bent on punishing his punishers, Putin’s aim is the immiseration of Europe. By weaponising energy, food, refugees and information, Russia’s leader spreads the economic and political pain, creating wartime conditions for all. A long, cold, calamity-filled European winter of power shortages and turmoil looms. And like a coin-fed gas meter, the price of western leaders’ timidity and shortsightedness ticks upwards by the hour. Russia’s destabilisation operations, social media manipulation, cyber-attacks, diplomatic double-talk, nuclear blackmail, plus its unrelenting slaughter of civilians in Ukraine, will only intensify Europe’s state of siege in the months ahead. The west’s fanciful belief it could avoid continent-wide escalation is evaporating fast.
Meanwhile, back in the states…
It seems that American conservatives spend most of their time either practicing malfeasance or doing everything they can to escape justice. Is anyone else thinking about how many ties the Trump administration had to Russia and the oil business? Does anyone else actually doubt the connections? Time to step back and reflect on the causes? Of course not.
Meanwhile, a bit more locally, for me anyway, the president of Belarus seems to think that nukes might be apropriate in Ukraine.
Does anybody else see a connection to these three stories? I do. Does anybody else who does see a connection between these also see the basic guilt associated with the same people? I do. Does anybody else think it might be time to step back and reflect on the causes? No, I didn’t think so. Aren’t Tuesdays amazing?
***
10 minutes to 6:00 and the field got watered again. They say that it’s going to rain tonight. I don’t really believe in any of this anymore but if it does, that’s extremely positive. The long-term forecast shows a little bit more rain all the way through the weekend. As always, I’d be grateful if it was true but it’s hard for me to back any of this. These guys just do not have a winning record this year. Probably won’t next year either.
The plants look pretty good. They have definitely turned the corner. The pickles don’t look so great unfortunately. I don’t really think they have anything good to eat. The idea was to use poison ivy as a green manure but I have my doubts as to whether this is working or not. Of course, it could just be the heat. In any case, the pickles are not really thriving. The pickles we get are plenty tasty but there are not a lot of them and plants are not really actively interested in climbing. Maybe this will change but I kind of doubt it.
The sweet potatoes are finally gathering steam. The complaint about our climate zone is that there is simply not enough time to grow sweet potatoes. Possibly, we might start them early in a greenhouse. This is not the slips but the plants themselves. We have maybe six or seven weeks left of genuine growing season. If this is enough to produce some tubers, I will be happy.
The cabbages look awesome. They have had some bites taken out of them but with the exception of the Napa cabbage, which I have never had good luck with and which requires an amazing amount of insecticides I think, it is just too fragile for long-term growth, look wonderful. We have a couple of kohlrabi and an excellent looking broccoli which I think is going to be dinner one evening not very far away. We also have a few ball cabbages. Again, I do not really think we are going to be saving food or making kvasheni this year. We are simply not going to have enough cabbage to justify the effort. But we will have fresh cabbage all the way to winter time. That’s a definite plus.
I don’t think we planted enough beans really but they look absolutely gorgeous on the wigwam. They have beautiful red flowers and they are elegantly climbing as high as they possibly can. Beans are beautiful plants all the way around. They are excellent for the soil, they make one of the most important human foods on the planet and they look beautiful as they grow and climb. Next year, there will be a lot more beans.
But perhaps the biggest news is that it is finally fruit season. I don’t have too many fruit trees yet. I have planted quite a few and I guess that was pretty much everything I wanted when I came here. But the олыча, the Cherry plums are days away from being ripe. The storms we have have caused a lot of fruit to fall prematurely. The plum tree I tried to water and do something with this year had much more fruit than last year but most of it has already gotten knocked off the tree. But those Cherry plums are absolutely delicious. I have an abundance of them on the back part of my property and pretty much any trip outside will get you a full bowl. One of the nicest things about this place during this time of the year is the amount of delicious sweetness that is available day after day.
Other than this, I’m just hanging in there. I managed to do a tiny bit of something today. Mostly I stayed off my feet but there came a time where I couldn’t stand it anymore and demanded of myself to get up and move around. Tomorrow I’m going to do some wash. I’m sure Lena is not going to be happy about hearing this on Thursday but I don’t really have enough money to pay her for washing this week. Maybe I do but I would definitely be scraping the bottom of my wallet. Better safe than sorry.
About finances, I want to say something that I believe is a good lesson, not only for other people but for myself as well. I’ve mentioned several times that this is the last week of my fiscal year. 2021-2022 ends pretty much with the end of my week on Friday and 2022-2023 begins on Sunday morning. No, there is no party and no, we are not going to begin the Year by diving into deep debt or going on a spending frenzy. I don’t do that because I don’t need it. But it was part of my plan simply not to buy anything over the last couple of weeks. It had nothing to do with deep reality, it just had to do with making pretty numbers on The ledger sheet. I’m not going to go into specifics but if I spent any money some of the numbers would look a little differently and I thought they were more presentable if I didn’t bother them too much.
Okay, you can make comments about my psychology or my Jewishness or whatever comes into your mind about here but an interesting thing happened because of this decision. Because I put a moratorium on spending over these last two weeks, I had two good weeks to rethink how much spending I actually need to do. Of course you understand what happened. I’ve come to understand that I absolutely don’t need any of the things I was thinking of buying.
Yes, it would be good to bolster up my water saving capacity a little bit more. I also probably need at least another 20 m of hose or at least something to make the bigger capacity pump more usable and accessible. This will especially be true if I make use of the lower gardens to grow more food next year. If my cabbage starts out in the lower gardens, they are going to need water.
There is also the original project I had intended about putting a false roof along my front property line to create drip irrigation for my line of fruit trees. In my original plan, I never thought I would need to water. I didn’t really think or know quite as much as I do now about the water table and exactly how much extra watering I would need to do to keep everything irrigated. I could actually follow through with this. It would not only be a fundamentally helpful thing as far as growing trees it would also be a tremendous beautification project. It would take the eyesore of my neighbors a bit further out of my consciousness and if I planted ivy at the base of all of the supports, it would be an absolutely lovely addition turning the place into a beautiful green bowl all the way down the meadow.
These sorts of things might actually happen if I can find just a little bit of money. I guess I also need to replace at least one window. I can do the cheap fix or I can install something. I guess I could also do the rebuilding myself.
All of this however directly correlates to my ability to move around and function. I have been taking it easy for the last 10 days on purpose just to give my legs a chance to heal. Two days watering in a row is really more about keeping the health of my garden more than anything else. But if by some miracle I manage to be in decent shape next year, I look forward to making use of this good health. It is all I want really. I don’t want to be young again. I’m not looking to revive any dreams of youth. I just want to be able to move around and do things without constant restriction.
Of course my neighbors will still be around. That’s a negative. And they are not going to become any less insane. Any forecasts for a fit of logic breathing through their house anytime soon would be as inaccurate as the bloody local weather. They are not going to come out of their fascist coma. But it doesn’t really matter. I bought the place. I own it. There’s not a damn thing they can do about it.
And besides, maybe I will get lucky and they will haul her off to the insane asylum. Maybe her husband will be the one who catches the fit of logic and simply throws off his harness and bit and says enough is enough. Couldn’t blame him for that.
I have a friend in the San Francisco Bay area who has been handcuffed to a rather difficult woman for the last 35 years. I’ve always considered him a rock. As for my neighbor, I only consider him as smart as a rock. There’s a difference. Frankly, as a musician, I cannot imagine how he tolerates the noise of her voice.
Anyway, I guess it’s supper time. Something fresh and tasty and then I’m turning in for the night. I guess I will figure out a few more words a little bit later to get to the bottom of the page. But generally speaking, that’s the story from here.
***
Rachel Maddow on Christian Nationalism.
It’s 8:30 and I’m about done with this day. Was it successful? I doubt it. I doubt I did things as intelligently as I could and I absolutely know for a fact that I did not do all I could. Or maybe I did. Maybe I did do all I could and it’s just that I don’t have a whole lot to give these days.
This report about the state of the world kind of coincides with my own in a way. I didn’t see this first and then mix and match my global stories. I did my work this afternoon and my algorithm gave me this story from Rachel Maddow in the evening. The fact that they are so similar and carry the same ideas is not purely coincidental. It has something to do with reporting the facts and trying to make clear who the criminals are and exactly why there are so many of them these days.
If you are into criminal conspiracies or if you are just an amateur criminal conspiracy addict, this story is probably right up your alley. It however is not really about something that everyone would agree would be criminal because the fact is that a lot of people buy into this stuff. They buy into the racism and they buy into the hate. They buy into the US versus them and they buy into the fact that they themselves are entitled and have wonderful rights while others must suffer without them.
The last time I visited with the Jewish community, we talked a little bit about what happened in Florida with my relatives. I tried to tell them that the problem was that I had no rights. They misunderstood me. They tried to make it seem as if I was doing something wrong. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I simply had no rights. I had no rights to complain. I had no rights to speak negatively or even speak. I had no rights to defend myself and all I could do was sit there and take it. Or, if I didn’t like it, I could just go home, wherever that was.
When asked why I did not go back to the United States at the beginning of the war and especially on the advice of the American embassy, my answer was that I did not have the money to do it. I don’t have any American investments. I am not supported by any American corporation and I’m certainly not supported in any way by my so-called family. There are no family businesses that I am aware of that pay me dividends, I owe no money but I have no wealth there. What money I have is money I have earned by working. This is specifically from having worked here.
With the exception of all of this wonderful nationalism from my neighbors, anti-semitism and patriotic nationalism combined, something very similar to what we are looking at in these pictures and hearing in Rachel Maddow’s report, economically I can get along here very well. I am very fortunate to have a minimalist mind when it comes to needs. I am not an epic consumer and I have no need for constant rebuilding or redecorating. I have no interest in pleasing someone else’s aesthetic. I get by as simply as I can and I like it better this way.
The crazy thing though is that I very much find myself between a rock and a hard place. Supposedly, according to the Americans, I’m a bad guy because I live under a conservative dictatorship. I am party to some political enemy. As far as going with the Russians, I don’t know that I’ve ever gone with the Russians. I went with the next country over. I’m deeply sorry that they have been a puppet regime of the Russians for the last quarter of the century. I promise you, I had nothing to do with any of the presidential elections here. Not for or against. I actually have no right to vote here.
According to the locals, I am a bad guy because of my political affiliation to the Americans. Just as the Americans seem to want to politicize me, so do the nationalist Christian Russians. All they are interested in is my passport. I get no credit for the last 20 years, all of those thousands of hours of teaching and least of all for all of these million words all written for reason or peace or understanding to maybe help save the planet from ecological Extinction. It doesn’t matter what I do, what is important to both sides is the objectification. What is most important is what I am. Not even who I am in terms of character. Only what I am is important.
This by the way is a two edged sword. My neighbors do not take any sort of moral understanding or interest in their actions. They are acting in accordance with this thing that they are supposed to be. They choose sides. They wear name tags. They identify in what they consider to be a correct political way. It doesn’t matter if they lie or cause damage or harm, they are on the right side and therefore they are free to exercise immorality or hatred as they like.
The irony here is the exact same thing is true for the Americans. The exact same thing is true for my so-called family, my so-called friends and anybody else including the press. All anyone wants to see is the label, like a meat bag with a label on it. I am just consumable meat.
All I’m saying is that when I say that part of the rationale for this war is economics, you should probably believe me. When I say that the rationale for the war is anti-Semitism, you also should probably believe me. And when we read about atrocities and inhumane actions such as firing missiles at civilian populations and all of the individual war crimes committed, you should probably believe me when I tell you the rationale for all of this. I understand that at best, you will look at the steak and decide whether it’s something you wish to consume. That would be paid for and consumed. I understand that you have no consciousness other than as a consumer. I’m just saying that the truth is available, I’m not the only one who thinks like this and the answers are unbelievably findable. In fact, all of the knowledge of all the world is available for free.
Please don’t however misinterpret any depression that I happen to feel as being mental illness. Please do not misunderstand my thought processes or diminish them by saying something about my drug habit or my chosen diet. I am pretty clear thinking, I’m just not political. I’m not wearing a name tag. I’m not a piece of meat that is for sale. I am just a simple philosopher saying what he sees and taking what stimulus the world gives me. I just tell the truth whether you like it or not and whether you believe it or not. All I do is tell the truth and that’s all there is to it.
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