Friday, July 22nd 2022

6:00 a.m. wake up. Not bad. Actually, it’s a 6:00 a.m. wake up on an almost completely non-diabetic evening. No details in this but basically, I seem to have completely broken the blood sugar code. How it managed to do this is a bit interesting. I did talk about it this week. I quit the peanuts, cutting the amount of fat I was taking in and switched the smoothie ingredient to oatmeal. So that and basically limiting the amount of stress and there it was. I just changed my body composition and lowered my blood sugar.

Of course yesterday I had a bit of stimulus from the outside world. I don’t really think that had much of an effect at all on me. I get some mosquitoes in the evening, not many but they are a minor annoyance too. It actually helps if you just don’t pay attention to them. After a while you get used to it. You’d be surprised what living out here teaches you. You can get used to almost anything.

You know, last night I ended with the thought that Lena and the chicken woman were really a lot alike. I’ve thought about that and it’s absolutely not true. Lena works for her money. The chicken lady steals it. There’s a big difference between the two of them. The chicken lady couldn’t clean Lena’s underwear as a human being.

You might think this is a strange thought. In fact if I were doing this Instagram style and publishing pictures of the two women, most people would vote for the chicken woman as being more normal. The thing of it is the amount of hate that each brings to their lives. The chicken woman has hate in almost every movement she makes. She lives for brutality and there’s not a microgram of sweetness about her. 

If love, beauty or hope are all of the things that come from our relationship to women, inspiration is how old school Russians used to describe it, I don’t feel any of that anywhere radiating from anything from my neighbors. Not a moment of a single day do I feel that lightness or kindness comes from them.

On the other side of the coin, quite a few people are very happy to have Lena for a friend. When you talk to some of the people who work in public services in town, I’m talking about the ladies who work in the local store or in the post office. The town is run completely by women by the way if I’ve never mentioned that before. I believe the entire staff of the government office, we only have three business entities here, are women. Other than the guy who runs the obnoxious weed wacker sponsored by the government and some of the workers, the entire bureaucracy of The village’s women. When you speak to them about Lena, they always poo poo her. Such a shame that she drinks.

But Lena does not look down her nose at anyone. She does not look down her nose, she does not have hard thoughts and she leads with her heart. Okay, I’m not going to paint a great picture of Elegance and beauty here. The woman doesn’t have money and she basically dwells at the bottom so she does not really have any chances for conventional beauty. But what she does have is her heart and her heart is the thing that elevates her.

You know she’s also mostly blind. That’s a really interesting thing to have to navigate the world with. I think she often fakes it a little bit. I’ve never been able to fully understand the extent of her blindness. When she thinks someone’s watching, she will play it up a little bit as if she can’t see anything. But my gift is that she sees well enough to navigate and keep things in place but just doesn’t see too many details. If it gets her some attention, she’ll walk into walls but as far as basic function, she’s not in the dark.

But what this will do to a person, when you remove the importance of visual stimulation, is bring out our other senses of perception. If she’s with you, she will pay more attention to the sound of the conversation and the words of the conversation than she will stare at you. If she does drift off if you talk too much, this I noticed. But she does listen to every word you say and she does follow the conversation. In fact, she very much appreciates it when you talk to her. I noticed this as well.

I’m not going to start off my Friday by writing a love letter to Lena. This is not the truth. I’m also not starting off my day by writing a letter to my neighbors. All I’m saying is that there are two women who seem to need my attention right now. One of them does odd jobs for me for a moment of kindness and attention and the other one seems intent on ruining my life and bringing as much misery to me as possible. 

What did I do to earn the kindness of the first? I agreed to give her a small amount of money every week so that she could go to the store and buy something that she needs. If it’s food mostly or vodka mostly, I’m okay either way. I actually get work done that improves my life and she’s not horrible to waste a few moments with while she’s here.

The other one not only has never done anything kind for me ever in the year and a half or so that I’ve been here, she has purposely acted to bring misery to my life on many occasions. It strikes me as a point of character that she believes herself above labor. In fact, other than screaming at people and jumping in her car to spread cancer far and wide, I’ve never seen her do anything not parasitic.

Lena grows things by the way. She actually does agriculture as most people who live out here do. The chicken woman has never lifted a finger to do any effort anywhere on her property and a brief glance at what she has seems only to show that they use a weed wacker to make sure there are no wild flowers on a property that I believe still might have active bee houses. One of the greatest ironies in the world is that my property is probably a major source of nutrition for their bees because I specifically leave a great portion of my field wild just exactly for the beauty of it.

What is the value of these words here this morning? Why, I’m a teacher. This is wisdom for my students. It’s wisdom for people who listen to me talk and pay me for my expertise. It is my habit after two decades to try and help people become better. My job is to help people improve their communication skills and to learn to speak with some sense of tact and hopefully logic.

I am a teacher who teaches common sense. I am a teacher who values a work ethic. I value honesty. I value commitment and clear thinking. When I teach, I don’t just teach the English language, English is only a medium, I teach language. I teach language as a skill for enhanced communication. I teach people the value of their ability to communicate information helpfully and clearly. I teach people to be able to be understood. I make better people.

Or at least I try. You can break my reputation easily. Tearing people down is the Hallmark of conservatism and this is absolutely a conservative state. They are so in line with the Republican party of the United States and the oil business and all of the conservative regimes across the globe that you would think they were all friends. This state has the exact same destroy the world philosophy as anyone and from my point of view, and I guarantee you it’s not just my algorithm playing with my head, if not this country then specifically Russia is not only in bed with the United States, they are all taking lessons from the same teacher. 

The common thread is parasitism. The common thread is not unity and working together for common goals, the common thread is dividing people, building mistrust and demanding as much chaos as possible for the purposes of maximizing profits. This is what we all have in common and it’s really hard for me to even imagine a place on this planet anymore that isn’t corrupted by this.

This uncorrupted thing was what I went looking for many years ago. A place where I could feel at home was what I really wanted to see. What I found here when I first showed up was a glimpse of it and crazily, I knew what it was when I found it.

It’s not sex. They tried to tell you it is sex but it’s not. Sex is when you look at the human animal and decide that there is one function to pay attention to to cause maximum unrest. The sexual morality of Christianity or even Judaism. The demand that people deny themselves pleasure and love for the sake of duty. It’s just a disruptive thing that stops us from doing what it is we need to do. It just disrupts the call of Nature and makes us crazy.

I’m not saying that we don’t need practical education and I am not saying that service should not be taught for the sake of leaving people hysterical and crazy. We have too many people and the people we have are causing too much harm to our environment. I am just saying that we are supposed to teach a different way. We are supposed to be teaching a service of kindness. We are supposed to be teaching helpfulness to one’s community. We are supposed to be teaching people to become better people, more aware, more interested in the health of their communities and the world and to be good citizens of that world.

This includes rational sex education. It includes an understanding of what our sexual urges are, what is there for and how to live with it well.

Like I said, it’s not only sex. It’s love. Love is the thing that we all need. Love is the thing that we’re all looking for. Love is the thing that is deprived from us. Love is the same we are told is stupid.

Yeah, I have two women in my life who both want my attention. These guys come into focus because I am on a rest week. I am giving myself a week to take it easy for the purposes of trying to get some healing for myself. I am damaged physically right now and the only thing I can do, the only thing any doctor might be able to do, is to create a situation where my body is as free as possible to do its job to heal itself. And this is all I’m doing right now.

Why do I celebrate a blood sugar victory? Well, I just gave it some rational thought and cut out a tiny bit of comfort that I didn’t even need and suddenly I have even better body chemistry for healing than I did before. I just replaced nuts with oatmeal in my green sauces and that was it.

But exactly when I do need at least a little help, just someone who doesn’t mind running to the store for some buckwheat and pearl to barley for me, the two women who are closest to me in proximity both show their character. One comes over to help out and be a friend and the other one calls the cops because she is worried that a woman is coming to my house to help out. You’re going to have to explain this to me sometime and probably, unless I just forget about it and let it go, she’s going to have to explain herself to the court. She’s going to have to explain her fixation for me. She is going to have to explain her hunger for me.

She doesn’t need to explain herself to me. I know what it is. She’s starving to death. I’m talking about the chicken woman. She has completely destroyed everything and everyone around her and now she lives in her own wasteland of insanity. She is starving for energy because she has used up all of the natural resources at her disposal.

Just one more metaphorical point here about protein. This is the great argument against veganism. People don’t really understand what protein is or why we need it. People believe that protein is a tool of aggression and that being aggressive in the accumulation of resources is the most important thing. This is a fallacy argument. Prudence is a million times more important than aggression.

There are eight amino acids that we call essential simply because our body does not produce it itself. Let’s make this point exactly clear. There are certain things that our body needs to run well that we do not manufacture ourselves and we must get this from outside sources. These are the eight amino acids that we call collectively protein and if we have these things in certain amounts, our body runs well and we have a sense of health.

First of all, there is nothing in the world that we call food that does not contain some amount of all of these things. Certain elements build good health and certain elements are necessary in tiny amounts but are actually dangerous or even carcinogenic in large amounts.

Nuts and beans are excellent muscle builders. Meat unfortunately contains too much fat to be a truly effective muscle builder and contains two elements in extremely high amounts that unfortunately are known to be carcinogenic. Cancer doctors will specifically tell you to stay away from these things and this is one of the main reasons why cancer patients tend towards veganism.

I’m only saying this because we are fighting for the wrong resources. We are fighting to continue a lifestyle that is unhealthy. It is unhealthy for our bodies and it is unhealthy for the planet. We are fighting each other hysterically and hatefully instead of learning to get along well and live practically and prudently with the resources we have. We are causing harm where we should be walking very lightly. We should be looking for the most sustainable ways to provide ourselves with the nutrients we need. We should not be looking to satiate ourselves through causing harm. That is the mistake.

So that’s going to be about it for my zen moment of philosophy today. Lena will be coming by sometime today, before 4:00, with some clothes that she brought home to wash for me. I paid her in advance for this work. Not a wise business decision but I don’t really care. I’m not looking to manipulate the woman.

The other woman, it will simply be one of my best days if I am not obligated to pay any attention to her at all. I really do have my best days here when my neighbors don’t come into my consciousness at all. There is never anything good coming from them. There is not a single noise they make or effort that they do that leads me to any sense of well-being or health. They are just parasites on this planet and I can’t look at them from any angle and see anything else.

Carlos Castaneda taught me a lot about life. He talked a lot about the way of the warrior. He talked about how the warrior walks with death always just over his shoulder. I live with death living next door to me. It’s crazy how lucky I am sometimes.

***

It’s a little bit after 1:00 and it is very hot and very dry. I can’t help thinking that I need to be judicious in my use of rainwater. Perhaps I can have a more judicious use of rain barrels but that’s exactly a job I can’t do to completion right now. It is something I have to put on my things to do list but basically, I have to be prudent with how much water I use because I don’t have an endless supply of rainwater. Perhaps I have enough for five or seven waterings and maybe I’m being too nervous but I’m nervous.

I just had a walk around and the pickles are incredibly dry. Too dry. They do not like this weather one bit. I thought I had given him a good solid soaking on Wednesday and yesterday they seemed fine but I guess two hot days without rain in a row and they are already quitting. We just can’t ask too much of things. It’s part of the season but it’s probably just the wrong bloody climate.

So I’m setting up the hose right now. I am trying to stay off my feet as much as I can but right now I’m thinking that maybe two waterings today or at least one and a half is a good idea. I want to give the pickles a little bit of water and also everything in the boxes that’s looking a little tired and dry. Some of the plants we have growing are simply too sensitive to be left out on their own.

A little earlier today I had another conversation with my other neighbor. Not the chicken people, these are the people in the house that I don’t think are ever going to agree to sell to me. They are on vacation and hanging around a little bit.

We don’t really have that much of a relationship between us. There’s still a bit too much curiosity to actually talk about anything. I found out she is a kindergarten teacher. She’s getting sick of her job of course. Kids are changing and we are all getting older. Everybody starts to get sick of their job eventually no matter how rock and roll it was at the beginning.

Her mother still hates me. I am told she hates me because I made a scandal when they tried to cut the grass last year. During my conversation I made most of my arguments very clear as to why I do what I do here. I don’t cut my grass because allowing natural growth sequesters more carbon and holds more water in the soil. Agreed, too many weeds chokes the life out of plants you might want to grow but if you’re not using the space, it’s best to let things go wild and do what they want to do. The more life the better.

I also pointed out the ridiculousness of my neighbors trying to keep bees while at the same time cutting all of the grass on their property. They don’t use their land to grow anything and by cutting down all of what people call weeds, we also prevent quite a few wildflowers from growing. These wildflowers are perpetual food for pollinators like bees and cutting the grass to match some ridiculous visual aesthetic is just starving their bees.

I did mention the irony of how much they hate me while in fact my field is one of the prime food sources for their bloody bees. I’m looking out my window right now and you can see quite a few flying things enjoying my property. I take enjoyment from watching them enjoy my property, thank you very much.

I also got a chance to talk in great detail about what started the war between us. I’m not asking her to start flying my flag but I think my Russian was good enough to make a point about the situation. The woman just wants attention. I’m talking about both neighbors really. In fact I was asked about whether I was bored and lonely living here without a wife. At about this time her mother came and started yammering at me and ordering me to cut things down. I told her gently and delicately to go bother someone else. I thought that was a reasonable illustration of one of many reasons why it’s not the end of the world to live without a woman. No offense to the sex in general but sometimes fasting is better than eating bad food and sometimes not working at all is better than working a bad job. Words to the wise.

I also exchanged a few texts with my ex-girlfriend. She is also on a holiday and ended up at a KISS concert. I saw this on her social media and texted her that I saw the band as well in San Francisco in 1977 on the day Elvis died. She spoke as if she had become quite an expert on KISS . I think she liked when Gene Simmons blew fire and it struck her as odd that Love Gun was in fact a very old song. I didn’t want to tell her how old all of it was really. Or me for that matter.

No place for hiding, baby,  nowhere to run. You pull the trigger on my love gun.

Words to live by there.

Here is a link to a show from that tour in 1977. There’s an audio for the cow Palace show but really, it was all the same.

https://youtu.be/EGuIrE6KhII

Perhaps we have a conversation to look forward to a little bit later in the day. She wants to show me her new apartment and her new boyfriend and I guess I’d like to brag about my gardening accomplishments. These things are nice when they are nice.

It’s not really much else to talk about. I’m debating what I want for dinner. I made some bread out of the sauce I made for this morning’s breakfast. I soaked some buckwheat, chickpeas and red lentils overnight and then blended it up with some bolting lettuce, a few horseradish leaves and the usual Dill plant. I put some hot spices in there but I didn’t really taste them. No salt and no nuts, just some oatmeal and a little vinegar and it was fine.

So what I had of that which was left over became the wet ingredients for some simple rye/white bread. I used whole grain rye flour and standard baking flour, probably 60/40 for the whole grain.  I checked it a little while ago and it’s fluffing up nicely. Nothing spectacular but fresh bread is always nice.

I’m thinking that my main deal is not going to be very special this evening. I’ll probably just cook some veggies and use some tomatoes for the taste and have that with fresh bread and say it’s enough. I have pasta lying around but I don’t really feel I need it right now. I’ve been on severe vegan diabetic standards all week, much stricter than I usually am and I kind of like what I feel like. I feel generally at ease and a little lazy. But when I actually go to do things, I have a nice smooth and complete energy. I think they call this feeling comfortable in your skin. I also think if you can achieve this by not being a super athlete, you’re probably pretty smart. You can call me lazy, I’m going to stick with smart.

Lena brought back my clothes this morning. She was also a little bit off. I think the nonsense with the police yesterday bothered her. This is not the first time A friend of mine has been harassed for a connection to me. I usually blame the KGB but you could just blame people for being hateful. Anti-semitism? Anti-americanism? I’ll tell you, the life of a celebrity can be hard. For me though, I wouldn’t even know what life is like without it.

I’m not bored though. There are moments where I feel I get too lazy. But I never ever feel the need to burst up out of my chair and hysterically run to get something done. I just don’t ever feel that panic urge to do things. You could say that I just don’t care anymore and that this feeling comes from just an overload of negative stimulus. That would be a reasonable Sherlock Holmes for that. But I genuinely think it’s part of the diet. We are animals regardless of what the Christians want to tell us. We are animals and if we eat the correct food for our bodies as opposed to the correct foods for the profits of the corporations, I think we become what we really are. And if we don’t go out of our way to ingest the fear, paranoia and Hysteria from the animals we torture, we just have less fear, paranoia and hysteria in our lives. 

The corporations may wish us to remain in this state. They make money off of human misery. I just don’t think we are supposed to be hysterical or in a panic. I don’t think we’re supposed to live like that at all.

So that’s about it for now. If something interesting happens later in the day, I might add a few words. But basically, it’s too hot to prepare a lot of food and I’m just not hungry. The house is quite clean and orderly. I feel in very good health myself. I don’t feel particularly lonely and I don’t feel any particular pressure to be anything else.

I mean, I just don’t care what these chicken women have to say. I’m not really interested in joining chicken society. There’s just nothing in it for me.

***

5:00 and watering is done. Truly, the pickles perked right up and everybody was happy to get a bath. I know there are probably a lot of people who would take the time to argue about this drought but it is very, very dry here. The water level is very low, we don’t get even but 10% of the rain that we are supposed to get according to the weather reports. When we do get rain, it only comes in the form of a storm. There’s no such thing as a gentle shower anymore. I agree, when it’s raining normally, life is easy here. But when it doesn’t, work needs to get done.

The actual watering was not such a big deal. I Incorporated a drum beat. I have a program that gives me drum beats that you can play music to if you want to and I used it to create a rhythm for how long I would water each plant. I think I took an average amount of water for my field but everybody got soaked a little bit.

There were some stupid moments. I can use my phone now to turn on and off the pump. This is an absolute positive if you have to stop and do something else. The only problem is that my Wi-Fi does not reach all the way to the end of my garden. If you have a problem in the lower gardens at all, it’s a bunch of trips to go back and forth to find enough internet to stop the pump and then come back and fix your problem and then go back and turn on the pump and then come back and resume the job. Absolutely, the trick is to set everything up for what you know is coming first and then everything is possible and easier.

One kind of strange thing is that when I opened up my window to write this section, for some reason all of Friday was gone. I’ve never seen anything like that before. I must have copied it and forgot to remove the copy. Maybe something happened when I was watering the field but the entire day got wiped out. Luckily, I published these things on what eventually will hopefully be a reasonable website. I have been completely too lazy to work out the details. It’s kind of a waste of money doing what I’m doing but I just have not had the will to go in and do it.

Listening to my neighbor say that she is sick of her profession struck a chord with me. Sometimes you just don’t want to do it anymore. My father told me that the day that he actually retired from work, he just flipped a switch and never missed it for a day. I wouldn’t say that he was a get up and goer in his retirement. He took his time waking up and going to sleep. He did go out and do a workout every day and also managed to get in his car and burn up some fossil fuels and some money buying shit that he didn’t need. Good for him. I never felt any jealousy. I don’t feel jealous for anything anybody has really.

But the thought of having to crank up the engine just does not appeal to me anymore. I just don’t care to fight. I don’t see anything anywhere as being anything but a miserable War. I don’t see any joy in any effort towards any sort of social interaction or money making activity. I don’t see anything I might ever do again as anything but pulling teeth really. I just can’t make myself believe that anything would make a difference.

I suppose there are words for what I’m talking about. Perhaps it’s nihilism. Nihilism is the lack of belief in anything. Literally nothing matters. You could also say that I’m suffering from Russian depression. But if that was true, I’d also be suffering from American depression. These two depressions I’m talking about are not because of something inside myself but rather because I am forced to live within the system of both of these miserable countries. Seriously, I tried getting into this Roe versus Wade business and I just can’t listen to the media anymore. Truthfully, I don’t know how anybody could listen to it anymore. I don’t know how anybody would vote for anybody who would create such problems for people. I don’t know why we would ever vote for anybody who would say they have the right to tell us what our rights are.

I had someone tell me that I have become a libertarian. A libertarian is someone who believes that the government does not have any moral right to say anything about our moral rights. Separation of church and state and all of these sorts of things. Both Russia and the United States are complete failures at this thought. The invitation of the church to not only participate but to be a welcome addition in all things especially in the conservative party is completely contrary to the way the country is supposed to be set up. I mean, don’t call me a patriot who believes in the founding fathers. I don’t particularly believe that capitalism is a good enough reason to run a country. I’m just saying that I’m not really interested in anyone talking to me about morality. I’m a more moral person than most people I know simply because I’m aware of not harming things. In fact, if we only had one bloody rule in the whole world, don’t make a mess, I’m sure everybody would be much, much happier.

Actually, we can test that theory whether this law would work. I was actually thinking of saying something like don’t harm anything but maybe don’t make a mess is exactly the one rule we need.

“I’m really angry and I think I’m going to get into a fight with someone and start punching them.”

“Where are you going to have this fight?”

“I don’t care. The next time I see them, I’m just going to clobber them and that’s it.”

“No, you can’t do that. You have to call him up and get him to agree to fight you in a standard boxing ring or it’s no good. If you fight anywhere else, you might make a mess and start breaking things.”

See what I mean? There goes violence.

Do you want to rob a house? You can’t do it. If you knock over a lamp, you’ll make a mess. If you get caught and get into a fight, things get messy.

Want to have an affair? You had better talk that out with everybody concerned because if you start stepping on feelings and lying and cheating on someone, you know what happens. You make a mess.

Well you’ve been elected to public office and here you have a fat envelope that makes all of your hard work worthwhile. Too bad you can’t take the money. Why? That’s right, it makes a mess. Oh I know that you think you can put a spin on things and the media will be behind you and you can play politics and people won’t find out about it and even if they do the justice system is on your side and you can’t really be indicted because you’re a lawmaker and you can just make the laws the way you want them.

No, you can’t do that. Too messy.

Of course, if we only had one law, this would put quite a few lawmakers out of business. That might be kind of a mess cleaning up all the worthless paperwork that they make and take all of that public speaking out of our ears. It might make a mess for a little while but eventually, imagine how clean the news service would be.

Hey, that’s a good question. What about independent journalism? Doesn’t that make messes?

Well, that sort of the opposite really. The people getting written about because they’ve been making messes are the ones who are the problem. The ones investigating, the ones willing to Wade through all of the shitty, shitty, shitty mess that is made by corrupt money grubbing whores are not the problem. The media is not the enemy of the people. The enemy of the people is the one who is making the biggest messes.

What about the oil business? What about my car?

That’s such a stupid thought, you shouldn’t even bring that up. Two of the messiest damn things I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s no such thing as an internal combustion engine car that will never leak oil on the ground. That first drop of oil touching the ground is the end of everything. We got to clean up that mess all the way up to the top. We’ve got to put these people in less messy positions. You cannot be creating messes in the ecology for money anymore. That’s against the law.

And hey, it’s not like it’s too complicated. Anybody can be a lawyer now. Is it messy? Don’t do it. Keep it clean and everybody’s happy.

I’ll come back a little bit later and wrap it up for the week. As for now, it’s really hot today and I don’t even feel like eating. That’s the thing about super hot weather. You just don’t really need to eat anything.

***

Okay, that’s about enough. I’m ready to close up shop.

I am really tired. It’s funny that I feel tired because this has been a week where I really tried to take it easy. I put myself in the hospital or tried to and for the most part, I got some good results. But it’s funny how people worm their way into things and make messes. I did not have to invite Lena and certainly my bloody neighbors did not have to call the cops because I did. If I live to be a thousand, I will never completely understand this sort of decision making process. The worst of it though is that I doubt anybody will really learn anything from this. It’s just more mess. It’s just more messiness and people really seem to want messiness.

I could say that this is a female trait. Even as someone who has practiced writing dramatic material, it does seem to be something specific. Then again, how many conservative political males walk around making messes and having people believe that this is a good job to have. When I was writing translations for independent Russian journalists, it seemed as though the world was just filled with people who created as much drama as possible, as many messes as they possibly could, simply as a way of gaining power for themselves. But now it all just tires me out so much.

I’ve grown tired of thinking about the war. I’ve grown tired of fighting through the bullshit on the internet to find something that looks like the truth about the war. There doesn’t seem to be any pragmatic maps or genuine knowledge. There’s so much material and so much propaganda from both sides, it’s hard to believe what the truth is. And genuinely unfortunately, it’s really hard for me to believe in the absolute goodness or rightness of either side.

I mean, it seems to me simply an economic effort. The bigger the mess they can create, the more human activity they generate. The more human activity you get to generate, the more oil is needed, the more politics need to make rules and ideas about the flow of all of this money. It’s all profiteering at its absolute ugliness. Mess making for fun and profit.

This all trickles down into the personalities of my neighbors. I can hear them cackling outside my window now. Forgive me for seeing them as chickens but I literally can’t see the difference. I know they are completely offended by this or would be if they read me or possibly could even read. Nobody wants to be told but they are no different from chickens. But how else can I possibly see them? How else can I justify the noise that they make? How else can I rectify in my mind the constant endless hunger for bullshit? Just pecking and scratching and scratching and packing and wandering around starving to death looking for their next bite.

Exactly on cue, a rooster just crowed. It sounded like “you got it Adam”.

I went vegan about 4 years ago and it seemed to put me in the mood to clean up messes. I don’t actually understand where I ever do things to make messes but people have absolutely no problem handing their messes to me. On the one hand, I’m kind of built to be a problem solver. I can usually find the fastest way to get things done or at least a reasonable plan of action that will result in some kind of positive result. But this is never what they want when they hand their shit to me. They just want attention and to know that I’m giving them the right to hand me more shit whenever they feel like it. They just want to know they have my attention.

Sorry to break the news to you ladies but I’m going to take a day off exactly from you now. No one is invited to share this day with me. I wouldn’t have it any other way

If you asked me the truth, I could probably come up with a short list of people I would be happy to Saturday with. I’m not going to print my thoughts here but yes, there would be people I would trust with my day. There are some people that I would give that right to.

Not today though. This line of thinking came to me by trial and error. I have tried to invite people in or I have been forced by circumstances to live with people who are not following me or my way. It’s not mysticism. When I was in the hospital, people were asking what would happen to me on Saturdays. The doctors came to the conclusion that I would probably just sleep all day. Basically, there was nothing to see. I just said my prayers before my Friday meal. After that, I just kept to myself. But then again, that’s all I ever did. That’s all I ever do.

Yes, if this is the page to put my final thoughts down for the week, to say something about what I have learned or what wisdom I might have acquired, I really can’t think of anything more than people just making messes to get attention. They make messes professionally to acquire power. They make messes simply to keep things upset and crazy. Nobody wants resolution. Nobody wants calm. Or even if they do, even if they crave it with all of their soul, they have no vocabulary or knowledge how to acquire it. Well, the dream that is in everyone’s mind is that if you have enough money, then and only then can you be calm.

But this is exactly the wisdom that I have acquired. It’s probably the reason I’m writing this blog. Sure, I made a mess out on my field and it’s everything I have to kind of keep things moving. But then again, it’s really just a little exercise. Unfortunately I’m taking a physical beating because the medical establishment refused me a fair break and this caused me injury. More messes created for the sake of making money. But basically, it’s not a very big problem at all. Basically, it’s always been under control except for the work that needs to get done.

No, you don’t need money to be calm. You don’t need to be rich and you don’t need to be in a stable job. You just need to build something slowly and carefully and keep the plan going. You plan for mistakes, you plan for catastrophes, you plan for people making messes but you just work a plan that leads towards calm and that’s what you get. That’s what I have. I’m not bored and I’m not insane with lust for not living with a woman, I’m just calm. I’m just okay.

I’m not asking anyone to follow me. I’m not asking anyone to clone my lifestyle. I’m obviously not the only one who thinks the way I do about the world, about food, about what is a decent way to live one’s life. It seems that everything I say has threads to many, many other people, many other thinkers and philosophers and many, many other people who care about the world and our environment. I am not the only one who thinks about what they eat or how they live. I’m not the only one who chooses to be the captain of their own ship. I’m not the only one who doesn’t wish to be a lemming and thrown around by people who just like to make messes for their own profit.

But if I do want something, it is the same thing I have wanted since the day I came here and got a job teaching English. I absolutely had no idea I would be working that job that day. It was a complete win that my brief interview with the owner of a private English school resulted in a call to go teaching that day. And all I did was go to the school, write my name on the chalkboard and introduce myself as the new English teacher. I figured I could figure it out as I go. My

That was literally 20 years ago and now I’m mostly retired. I’ve lost a few bits of myself along the way. This is a stormy place to live if you can imagine. But in the end, you have to stick to your guns. You have to believe that you are doing the right thing and you have to believe that there are genuine hard logical reasons for that belief. I am not talking about conservative messmaking. I’m not talking about the belief that chaos leads to activity and all activity is good. I’m talking about the belief that we should not be making messes. I’m talking about the belief that we should live well on this planet. Basically, I have no other belief than this.