Monday, May 9th 2022
It’s about 6:30 and I’ve been up already for about 2 hours. It’s not really about not sleeping because I had a very restful sleep. It’s just that when I opened my eyes, it was already getting light. I live in the North. Well, I live in the south of the North but it is still north enough that there is light in the sky at 4:00 a.m. . Unfortunately, we are not North enough to experience Northern lights. I have never seen that in my lifetime. But I’ve seen enough and I’ve been to enough places that I feel my life would not be incomplete if I missed that particular show. In other words, I don’t want to travel.
I’ve already laid out the hoses. Today is going to be watering day. Yesterday, we were supposed to have rain but of course, waiting for rain is almost as disappointing as waiting for a legitimate Democratic vote. Unfortunately or fortunately, they do not arrest people for destroying the atmosphere and preventing rain. That would be along the same lines.
The weather service and my rather artistic telephone gave me a rain animation that had no relationship to reality whatsoever. I don’t actually know how they figure what’s going on. I assume it has some combination of History plus the barometer Plus understanding pressure movements. But they never seem to take air pollution into account except for the pollution content meter. The pollution content meter is very similar to the lead content in someone’s blood. The ideal number is zero, a number that none of us will ever see again in anybody’s lifetime. I see a correlation. Sue me. If you see a correlation, there is probably a correlation.
Quite a few people have been pointing out that this was a cold winter and that we had quite a bit of snow. They point this out as a sign that global warming is ebbing and it was simply a natural occurrence. That is bullshit. Pardon me if I’m not polite in my argument but it is. What I am expecting this year is that keeping the garden watered is going to be a torturous affair. What’s going to take a lot of attention and a lot of careful moving around of materials. There are certain nuances that I have noticed such as how long it takes for the water to not only come back to the well but to clear up. If you drain the well close to the bottom, the sediment makes the water very cloudy. That all has to settle and that’s also time.
For a moment, I was wondering whether I had made a mistake in not watering yesterday. I believed that we were going to get rain. It certainly felt like it was going to be a rainy day but the water just never came. I was wondering if I should have watered in my Forest mulch or not. Because it comes from the forest, it’s not really used to direct sun and whatever life might be in it is probably going to get baked out in a matter of hours. But then I figured out that it’s going to be the nature of the beast because I simply cannot water every single day. I don’t have the equipment for it, I don’t have the water for it and I don’t have the wallet to dig a second well or pay for an extensive water Tower or anything like that. I only have what I have and we are working with what we have and trying to do the best we can. A Little help from car drivers would help. They could just stop poisoning the air for a while and the water would probably come back.
I’ve been having the sneaking feeling lately that I’ve said everything that I want to say. I find myself repeating quite a bit and I’m absolutely sure I have already put down on pages pretty much all of my thoughts. This is probably not true and of course there are things that I do not write here. I probably could under a different circumstance but there are people I don’t talk about and specific situations I don’t talk about simply because I don’t have the relationship with these people that would allow such a thing. Also, there is a pointlessness to talking about it because in most cases, there isn’t even going to be a family line to carry on. Literally, I would just be talking about things that have nothing to do with the subject that I am talking about. This year, I’m talking about food but really I’m talking about food plus ecology. Everything is ecology. Everything should be ecology and everything that we do that is not about ecology is the problem.
I have one deal in town this week but I truly want to do it by distance. It’s an uncomfortable legal thing and in a perfect world, the conversation is all that’s necessary. My body does not physically need to be there for this conversation and I just don’t really want to go to town right now. There are probably some positives but I just don’t really feel like making the effort.
Perhaps we need to do some qualitative thinking more than we do. I sometimes do things based on an instinct or a feeling. I am a human being and I am prone to these sorts of decisions. I like to have some reward come to me for my efforts. Not having any reward makes you think really hard about why you’re doing something. And of course, if we are talking about pollution and the epic ecological catastrophe that we are all looking forward to within the next brief period of time, we need to change the reward system away from pure economics. It is the death of all of us that the only possible reward that people are granted is financial. We do not have ethics, we do not have conscience and we definitely do not have any realistic ecological restrictions, we say that the money is okay, the money buys happiness and you shouldn’t really worry about anything else.
This is a catastrophic decision. It’s a decision that’s been going on for a very long time and if you have lazy sacks of pus like the chicken lady who decided very early in life that physical effort was tiring to her shriveled little heart and that she could buy all the pleasure in the world if she could just get her hands on some money, you have voters. And if the opportunity to be lazy shows up, people will take it. I would like to say take it and run with it but most people are too lazy to run so it was a bad metaphor.
Years ago, when I started writing about the ecology and the reality of the world, I had a conversation with a few Russians who I was working with or maybe friends with at the time. The line of thought that I was coming up with was not new to them. Again, the old system had quite a bit of pragmatism and realism in the thinking. Anybody could just open their eyes and see what’s going on in front of them and this was socially acceptable in a minimalist world. But what they did not want was to end up back on the field again. This is the thing that scared Russians more than anything. If the truth and reality of the problems we are causing the war finally bubbled over the top, the only possible solution would be to head back out and grow your own food. They grew up with this. Their parents lived this. It was in all of the Communist propaganda, the traditional Mosfilms themes and everything that everybody knew was that spending your life outside and doing what you had to do to make food was the way to God.
This is the only thing they do not want to go back to.
I remember appeasing him quite a bit by saying the words robot farmers. He was in complete agreement with the fact that he could give up the car and go green and live his life making sure that he was not making too much garbage and probably could even give up meat if he just didn’t have to go out and do agricultural work.
My ex-girlfriend caught my attention one time with a statement similar to this. She was invited to some party out in the country and the only thing that she could think to say was that she had no problem going but would under no circumstances undertake physical labor in the field. She was not going to help planting potatoes and that was all.
The ex-girlfriend is a pretty energetic human being and the guy in this story was an athlete, a hockey player and a runner. Neither of them had any particular problems with their own physicality. I wonder though where the idea came to them that growing food was so terrible.
My best understanding about this is that it is simply an economic reality. Food is not profitable. It is certainly only profitable at the mass level. Supermarkets of course make money on food but we are talking about having thousands of products under One roof. If you have 10 million things to sell and you’re making pennies on each, this turns out to be legitimate money at the end of the day. But this is only at the corporate level. Individually, nobody makes money doing agriculture. Well, except for the ladies but they do it every single day and are probably satisfied with an extremely small amount of money. Literally, we are talking about a couple hundred dollars a month at best.
When I was with my daughter’s mother, we bought a small plot of land and thought to grow some of our own food and sell the extra at the marketplace. I think I lasted one day selling apples. It just was a miserable experience standing at a table and selling, the absolute amount of money that we would get even if we did sell based on market prices was so insignificant as to make me feel I was wasting my time. Yes, if there are no other avenues, I guess you do what you have to do. Or, if doing this is your life, like in the case of the ladies at the market, it becomes a part of you and you just go through the motions.
The point is that we are not going to get rewarded for this with big money. The level of economy that we live in simply says that potatoes are not going to give you riches enough to have European styling to satisfy your tastes. There’s just no money in it.
So what is the answer?
Last year, I started out on a few economic endeavors hoping to make some green businesses. There were some serious business ideas in there such as taking over some of the abandoned factories for food production and going into Geo heating and cooling and sustainable electrical production. I did not make these businesses because I did not have anybody wanting to invest in the Republic of Belarus for me or anything really. But these were legitimate economic ideas whose time has probably come. But then there were other small-time service-based jobs such as bicycle deliveries that could have also been at least profitable enough to be self-sustainable. Again, nobody was going to get rich but it would be a legitimate amount of money for locals that would be competitive for them against what they could make doing something else. Again, the point was not really to get rich but to create some way for people to do jobs that would help pay for their lives but that did not come along with a tragic carbon footprint.
The point is that we are an ecological disaster. The point is that global warming is real and we are experiencing things that seem incredibly equivalent to biblical plagues. It seems we have broken a few commandments and God/nature is angry at us. And even yesterday, sitting around and waiting for rain, the clouds again were a bit too constipated with dangerous particulates that clogs them up and disallows them to freely drop water meant that we had yet another day without anything. Cloud constipation is how I think of it. This is another thing I’ve said before. But it’s very similar to having a urinary tract infection that disallows you to pee. If you’ve ever had it, you know what it feels like and my guess is, this is what’s going on in our skies right now.
So we have to do something. We have to do something different. We cannot just keep doing the same thing again and again and expect a different result. We cannot continue the same agricultural methods because we have raped the life out of our land. We cannot continue to feed animal agriculture because we are now entering into a period where disease is going to kill possibly up to half of us in the near future. We simply cannot continue to destroy the planet for the sake of a few beads and bubbles and shiny things that we may buy. We simply cannot continue to be lazy consumers because the world cannot support us.
Maybe one last thought about robot farmers. Right now, when I go about my day, the only thing that I have that is different maybe than most people is that I’m not going off to a job. I don’t have a boss directing my actions. I don’t have to be dressed a certain way or sit at a desk and stare at a computer or do mechanical machinations all day. I’m not digging or carrying on someone else’s time. But the interesting question about what to do with myself is not that big of a deal. I’m really not that bored without town. When I was hanging out in town, I didn’t get much from going to restaurants or cafes. This has nothing to do with the quality of the restaurants or cafes in town, it’s just that having the right to spend a lot of money on really bad food just lost its appeal. I could go to a movie theater and sit there and watch somebody else’s idea of something interesting to stare at. But suddenly I couldn’t get anything out of movies. I could go for bike rides but after a while, it was really just more about pain and being bothered by cars on the road. Suddenly, all of it turned out to be completely and utterly uninteresting. And no, I found no pleasure whatsoever in photographing myself so I could put it up on social media.
I guess it’s possible that I’m going to get bored with playing in my garden. I guess I’ll get bored with watering and weeding. Maybe I’ll get bored with working until I’m tired and then sitting in a shady spot. But right now, this is my human life going by.
I feel absolutely horrible for the people in Ukraine who are now fighting to find a place to live, enough food to eat, enough clean water to survive the bombings. I feel horrible to be living in a world where we fight boredom by massacring other people.
I’m sorry, I guess the answer really is that we need to slow down and get off the drugs. We have to get off buying stuff to make ourselves happy. We have to stop letting economics dictate our boredom schedule. We have to stop being hysterical. The world cannot take us this way and we cannot take us this way. And I certainly can’t take you this way.
Anyway, I guess I’ll get on with my day today. I’ll give my friend a call and see if I can get out of the trip to town. Most probably this is a waste of time. I just don’t really have that many other options so let’s get to it.
By the way, I haven’t reread this yet or edited it but my feeling is this was probably one of my worst essays in a long time. I’m sure I didn’t say anything new or anything interesting and my points were probably dull and completely brutal. I apologize for that. I really do apologize for the quality of this.
***
Just a quick update. The water level in the well is now at 195. That means I have 15 cm less water now then the first time I measured. Using the same mathematics of depth * pi * r2, it turns out now I only have 540 l of groundwater available. Also, it has not cleared of the sediment at all in the three days since I pumped it. None of this is good and this is now getting into becoming a problem for drinking water.
Shitfuckpiss.
***
It’s 11:00 a.m. and I’m taking a break that I don’t particularly need. Breakfast today was toast and some cabbage. Both were cooked in this unrefined oil. I’m not going to say that this oil is so wonderful for me but it’s definitely pretty filling. Also, the day is beautiful and it’s a good day to be outside. I haven’t made it to my watering yet but I will before I quit today.
I have managed to cover all but one and a quarter of my gardens. I can probably get another load or two to fill in some bare patches. Maybe I should do this before I do my watering today. I truly hope it’s going to help.
But today I noticed something in the forest that was probably the most disconcerting thing I’ve run into. Earlier in the year, when the winter and the snow were still here, I noticed that I was very easily breaking off quite a few twigs and branches while walking through the trees. At the time, I thought it had something to do with the tree being frozen but now I’m starting to think it’s something else.
The trees in the forest really are quite dry. Yeah, I’m probably the first one to clean out the canals that were dug many years ago. But the point is that the water table really is dangerously low. Yeah, there is a bog not far from my house and at one point, you would go up to your shoulders if you were to step in it. Now, it’s mostly dry and at best, it will get to your knees.
I can also see when I look inside my well that there are water stains that are significantly higher than the water level right now. At one point, this was very wet and swampy land. This would explain the amount of sand. But if the water table is really dropping this much, these trees are starving to death. And if this is true, we are looking at significant danger of a forest fire very much like what happens in California every year.
I understand that I am not speaking to an audience of millions. People tend to not listen to me because I’m not entertaining them. Or maybe I am trying to be entertaining but it’s not really entertaining in the light fluffy variety. I’m not a glad-hander or an easy smile and I don’t necessarily believe in an obligation to be positive. The only obligation I have is to try and tell the truth and hope somebody gets the idea. I also hope or hoped that there would be a few people who just don’t mind reading for entertainment.
But all of this is nonsense. I’m not the only one in the world who recognizes the environmental problems that the world is facing right now. I am certainly not the only one in the world who can point their finger accurately at what is causing this mess. But what I am saying right now with all of my heart is that this place is now dying of starvation and we are not doing anything to allow it to heal. In fact, just exactly like my lying thief backstabbing relative, All We do is cause harm and steal whatever we can.
Someone asked me why I continue writing. I also got asked if I was planning to stop. Those are both really interesting questions. It’s also interesting what I’m going to do with myself in the future. But rather than answer either of these two questions, all I want to say is that it’s a bloody shame. It is an absolute bloody shame the damage that has been caused here. Mindlessness. Endless greedy mindlessness.
Yeah it’s true. You just touch a branch and it snaps right off. The tree appears to be living and making leaves but it’s dry. Very dry. Fruit trees don’t want to make fruit here. It’s like people not wanting to have babies because the circumstances are so bad. And yet the people that are causing the damage, the Judases who are selling out their people for bags of silver, just keep telling us to ignore it and believe that the system is good.
The system is not good and the truth and the proof is right in front of your eyes.
***
I just have two links today to share. The first one is another SNL skit concerning the overturn of Roe versus Wade. I don’t really know what I can possibly say about this except that it’s perfect and it makes sense and it perfectly describes what it is like to listen to conservatives explain their rationale. And also, these people understand exactly what I do about the state of Florida.
In addition, I have yet another debate between sentient and non-sentient beings. This goes along perfectly with the first link because the mindset of the person arguing for meat has the exact same thought process I’m speaking about. Personally, I see not only a connection but a causal connection. I absolutely believe that the diet we eat influences how we think. And in the case of this great University thinker, the truth is also right in front of your face. His body is at war with itself and perhaps he ought to try going vegan for a while and see if maybe it would help his horrible acne.
Just to be fair, let’s consult the Oracle about this.
If you were to believe everything you read, a vegetarian or vegan diet would be a healthy, natural, and sure-fire way to clear your acne. A vegetarian doesn’t eat any type of meat—no beef, pork, chicken, or seafood.
So, can doing that prevent breakouts? Maybe. According to a few studies, acne may be linked to a high amount of animal protein in the diet.
The article that this came from puts up a lot of science absolutely agreeing with this thought but pulls up short by the end of the article. However, I mean, we get it. It’s hard to fight the way things are. There’s a lot of money at stake. However, I think we can pretty much agree that it’s reasonable to assume.
Let’s be clear. Let me try a slightly different query:
Why do vegans have such nice skin?
Veganism is a diet that abstains from consuming animal products, such as meat, dairy, and eggs. Going vegan can actually benefit your skin because it restricts the intake of dairy and encourages the consumption of foods high in antioxidants, like fruits and vegetables.
And just for fun, what if we look at the pictures that go along with that question? And while you’re at it, copy that question and drop it on YouTube and see what you get.
Bingo? I think so.
***
Just one more small point. Today is Victory Day. It’s a national holiday celebrating the end of World War II. It is traditionally celebrated as a victory over fascism. For as long as I have lived here, the school children are asked to defend The monuments and to put flowers in front of the statues of the great heroes.
I’m sorry, this year I’m out. There is no possible way to justify these thoughts against the backdrop of the Russian invasion of Ukraine. There is no way to say that one is fascism and the other is not. There is no way to justify the Russian history as oppression from the Nazis while watching Russia lob missiles indiscriminately into Ukrainian population centers.
I’m sorry, I cannot support this holiday.
***
Okay, it’s about 1:30 and I gave all the boxes a little bit of water. I used maybe 160 l or so. Not even one full tank. I gave the boxes one minute each. Probably at 50 m, I was pumping something less than 17 l a minute. I gave enough water to dampen everything down. I know I should do more but I am frightened of spending.
In America, they talk about old folks who went through the depression who became unbelievably thrifty. I have been through so much depression and so many depressions and economic collapses and Ludacris inflations that I don’t really want to part with a penny. I am like a laser when it comes to spending money. Probably you should understand why my ex partner and I live our own lives. She cannot tolerate me and I cannot tolerate her when it comes to playing with money. And no, I never take a penny from her ever.
Basically, I went through about half the tank and probably, I could have given more water. I don’t know what to say about this. I hope it’s something. I hope it’s enough to help out. I sincerely doubt that we are going to get enough rain to get the job done. But I do not feel good about just running water because I know I don’t have it in the bank to spend.
Seriously, there are two thoughts in my head about this situation. First of all, maybe I was completely right last year. Maybe the best thing I ever could have done would have been to just hang out and watch the grass grow. Last year, I was sick most of the year with a foot infection that kept me pretty crazy most of the time. This year, I was open to suggestions of planting gardens from my ex partner because I was excited about being able to get back on my feet. It had been a very long time since I felt free to walk around.
But now the science of the situation seems to say that I have severely overstepped my capabilities. Not my personal physical capabilities but my capacity to actually successfully grow a crop here. I do not believe we’re going to get enough rain to cover the difference and from what I have seen from my main water source, even with saving every liter I can off of my roofs, this is going to be a death fight just to get some veggies.
Tonight, I think I’m going to have some more noodles and horseradish leaves. I have probably four or five kilos growing wild right now and I think they are probably the most tasty when small. Hopefully, sometime in June the zucchinis will start popping and with any luck later on in the season we will have some squash. This will take all the pressure off of purchasing Town food. Maybe.
The thing of it is, I really got by quite well on zucchinis, pumpkins and potatoes. I didn’t have any place to plant a lot of potatoes and we made one no dig box to see what would happen. But really, there have been great periods where I just was not interested in eating potatoes. When you are away from them for a while, it’s kind of cool to have them for a couple of days. But there is better food to eat. They just get old fast.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not sorry that I did all of this work. I’m not sorry. It’s also very early in the season and lots of things could happen. But right now at this moment after dragging this kinky hose around the property trying to get some water on to the trees and bushes and boxes, I think I would have been a lot happier keeping this minimalistic and letting the field do whatever it wanted to do. Truthfully, I think I would have been happier just to let God do his/her/its thing. I think I would have been a lot happier just letting nature happen and observing the beauty and wonder of it all.
All this physical labor is fine and dandy. But I’m going against nature. I probably would have had enough to eat if I had just planted pumpkins and zucchinis and squash in holes in the ground, probably my fruit trees and berry bushes were a good idea and then just enjoy the show. Something to think about over the next few years. Something serious to think about.
***
It’s a quarter to three and I think I’m going to call this an end to my work day. Last year, I wrote some utopian literature. Well, one piece was definitely utopian and the rest of it was kind of anti cars. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this collection. Actually, I’ve been thinking about what to do about all of my collected works and my web presence and advertising and whatever. There are a lot of things that I guess I am not doing because I don’t see any value in doing it. It’s just the way it is. I’m just looking for The Sweet spot.
I’m not quite done but my leg tells me that I better be done pretty quickly. It’s hard to explain without completely explaining the leg situation. When my leg talks, I listen to it. It is wise and understands my body and my health. It knows what I’m supposed to be doing and it tells me when I’m screwing up. I guess my leg is kind of like the lawyer I really, really need. Unfortunately, only rich people can have lawyers and even a fool like me can have a leg like this.
The problem is that I have problems that never seem to end. I’m looking at this Garden that I’m making right now or have made and I’m thinking of the relative value of it. I don’t want to say anything bad about my ex partner who is currently out of town. It’s just a matter of thinking through things in reality and not through the gauze of any kind of altered thinking. I don’t really know how to say that except to use the word gauze and hope that the visual understanding is enough to carry the point. It probably isn’t.
I just want things to run correctly. That is the only thing that is important to me is that things function the way they are supposed to.
One lesson I have learned is that you don’t go against nature. You try to go with what nature gives you and be grateful to these gifts. When we overstep nature, when we try to take more than we are supposed to have, things get dicey. Certainly we can be clever. There are vegetables that we have that can grow in abundance, wild abundance, but we are supposed to actually make use of these things and not turn them into nonsense.
I know it’s a bit early in the year to be talking about pumpkins but we should consider this amazing fruit for a second. Growing up in America, a pumpkin was to be carved into a face, the guts of it, the seeds, thrown away like garbage and with a candle inside, you could make a weird face. This was a laugh. And when we were kids, we would roll pumpkins down a hill as a joke because, well, because we are stupid idiot kids who thought that this kind of mischief was humorous.
Have you ever actually eaten pumpkin? It’s an amazing food. It’s very vitamin rich. It’s tasty and kind of sweet and you can do a million things with it. No, pumpkin pie with all the extra added sugar is not the only thing possible. When I have pumpkin, I use it simply as a vegetable and eat it in every way that you eat any other vegetable. It’s a tremendous starch. It’s an amazing food and yet, in America, it’s a decorative thing and here, they just feed it to pigs. Insanity. A waste of perfectly good calories.
Why do we do this? The answer is simple. It’s propaganda. The big corporations that sell their own foods, predominantly meat, want us to know that such a thing that is actually delicious and very nutritious and very helpful to the human animals should be considered a joke. It is obviously exactly that. Why should you even think of eating something as stupid as a pumpkin? Pumpkins are jokes. Pumpkins are for pigs. Pumpkins are not interesting at all next to all the glorious things that we have to sell at the supermarket.
Pumpkins are actually a pain in the ass. They travel. Sometimes they travel a long ways. Sometimes they jump fences and climb into trees. Sometimes they just go all the way off the field as far as they want to go and have their babies in the quiet and peace and calm and shade of the forest. Pumpkins do whatever they want and they take up a tremendous amount of space. It’s hard to train a pumpkin. Pumpkins don’t listen to us.
The last time I went to Ria’s house, she fed me baked pumpkin. What was in this tremendous dish? Pumpkin that she had placed in her oven. There was no oil or salt or sugar added to it. She simply opened up a pumpkin, cut it into slices and baked it until it became soft. I ate one piece of this and I thought it was one of the most delightful things I’ve ever had in my life. Thank you for this gift. My god, what a tasty thing baked pumpkin is.
The seeds by the way get dried and saved. You can throw them in the ground and they will make more pumpkins but you can throw them in your mouth and chew them up, with or without the shell, and you get an amazing fat and protein source. Look it up:
What is the nutritional value of pumpkin seeds?
Calories 446
% Daily Value*
Total Fat 19 g 29%
Saturated fat 3.7 g 18%
Cholesterol 0 mg 0%
Sodium 18 mg 0%
Potassium 919 mg 26%
Total Carbohydrate 54 g 18%
Dietary fiber 18 g 72%
Protein 19 g 38%
Vitamin C 0% Calcium 5%
Iron 18% Vitamin D 0%
Vitamin B6 0% Cobalamin 0%
Magnesium 65%
Potassium, fiber, protein, iron and magnesium! Look at this food! Look… at… this… food! This is amazing food. How crazy are we for ignoring this?
This is really what I’m saying. The world is a lot simpler than we give it credit for. Taking care of our health is really not that hard and finding food is much, much easier if you get past the propaganda.
Is it really possible that a tiny country, less than 1/10 the size of Russia and headed by the Jewish president would suddenly become nazi? What is your first instinct to this question? And yet, the soldiers under contract to the Russian army feel free to inflict unbelievable harm on these lower, less sentient and evil people who just happened to speak the same language and share the same culture almost unilaterally. I don’t know why nobody calls this a civil war. I don’t know why people consider this a war.
The answer of course is propaganda. The answer of course is that we are so stupid right now, we will believe anything. And when the super bowl truth is that what we need to live is simply clean air, clean water and decent food to eat, yet, we do everything we possibly can to ruin this equation. Why? For money. So that a few people can earn money by fucking over other people. There is no other reason. Some people just consider themselves Superior to others and don’t really bother thinking beyond that thought no matter how stupid it is.
About the only thing I want to add to this thought is that I have a relative right now with cancer. I understand that things are pretty dicey with him and that there is a good chance, I don’t know this but there’s a good chance, that he excretes waste products from his body into a plastic bag attached to his side because of this cancer. Sad. Amazingly sad and incredibly difficult. He is so embarrassed by his current physical situation that he doesn’t really want anyone to see him.
Why does he have this situation? Well, we can say that cancer is just bad luck. But it’s a game that claims 40% of us currently. Or we could ask ourselves how many carcinogens this man allowed into his life. How much meat did he consume? How many carcinogenic foods did he eat? How much time did he spend on the road? How much of his life was spent eating foods that should not have been passed through his body?
I haven’t spoken to my friend Mike in a while. Mike had mouth cancer. He went through two bouts of radiation and for a lot of it, he wasn’t even allowed to eat solid food and fed himself by pressing something like baby food through a tube directly into his stomach. Horrible, insane periods of time. But then when I spoke to him, he was getting drunk and smoking cigars and eating candy. He was eating steaks because he could eat again. He was back on the road trying to make money with his truck again. Once the treatment was finished and the doctor said that he had at least for the moment beaten it, he was right back out there again trying to catch another dose.
He was okay. The insurance company had given him enough money to pay for the lifestyle. He went right back to doing exactly the same things that put him in there in the first place.
I just want to know why. I just want to know why we do this. I just want to know why we do this to ourselves and to others. I just want to know why we remain so maliciously stupid. I just want to know why we cannot even for a moment live in the light of day and understand that what we are doing to ourselves is mass Hysteria and masochism.
Me? I don’t want much of anything anymore. I want what I have. I woke up this morning with an urge to move and I found something that needed to be done. I didn’t spend any money and did my best to take care of things without harming anything. I don’t know if I’m a good Gardener or not or if I’m making the right decisions. I’m considering all the factors I know to be true but, really, who knows? Maybe I’m getting it right or maybe I’m not. Or like I said, maybe I would have been much better off letting God do whatever was supposed to be done without any help from me whatsoever. Just dig a few holes, drop a few handfuls of seeds in the ground that do not require very much work at all and just say thank you.
I don’t know what else to say except that I take full responsibility for everything that is said here. I said this. My name is Adam Goodman, and I said every single word here. I said it and I wrote it and I put it on the internet and I mean it. I meant it when I said it and there’s no chance whatsoever that I’m going to say that I was not in my correct mind or that I had made some kind of mistake. If I find under natural law and without duress that I have made mistakes, I will admit it. But if pressure comes from financial agencies or military bodies, the hell with you. What I say here is what I know to be absolutely true and that’s all.
Somebody asked me if I was inebriated when I was riding my 1.6 million words last year. The answer is no. I was clear of mind and clear of concept. All I wanted to do was say things that were true and if I’m guilty of anything, possibly it was trying to say them in an interesting way. But nothing I have said here over the last few years is a lie. Everything that you see here on these pages is just one guy trying to tell the truth with all of his heart.
Seriously, it’s not really the time of year to enjoy it. Pumpkins are for the fall. But maybe you should just give pumpkins a try this year. Chop them up and put them in a stir fry. Delicious. Eat them raw as a crunchy mildly sweet vegetable. Drop them in your smoothies just for the water value of it. Bake them! Seriously, just cut them into slices and put them in the oven and you will not be sorry. Replace another starch with them on your plate. Pumpkins are amazing. Pumpkin seeds are tasty.
Pumpkins are awesome. I’m going to grow some pumpkins this year. I’m going to grow some pumpkins and I’m going to let them go crazy on my property. I’m going to go pumpkins and I’m going to watch them try to run away and go over fences and up trees. Pumpkins are mischievous. Pumpkins are fun.
Pumpkins are also really good food. Try some sometime and maybe you can remember I said so.
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