Friday, October 14th 2022

I’m starting out with a Zelinsky message because you need to start out with something. In this particular case, 143 countries of the world have condemned Russia as a terrorist state. I could have told you that. There are four states however that sided with Russia. North Korea, Nicaragua, Iran and to my great chagrin, Belarus. Thank you Sasha. I really, really appreciate it and I’m sure all the people living here appreciate it too.

I’m not sure that this is going to be a real thing for another week but I noticed another inflationary uptick in the Belarusian money. I am not a big finance guy and I’m not deeply invested in the money market but I do have a great memory for how volatile Belarusian money has been over the last 20 years. Aside from the massive explosions that have wiped out three currencies, we are also treated to a bit of a roller coaster ride from time to time. At the beginning of the year when this first “special military operation” began, the Belarusian currency dropped about 80%. It moved from what seemed like a stable two to one trade against the dollar up to four. I bought my stove at this moment and it really angered the people at the gas company. Sorry. Local knowledge.

But then things calmed down a bit and the ruble settled in at about 2½. It’s still basically they are except it had migrated down into the 2.4 region and with the beginning of Belarus’s maybe yes maybe no entrance into the war, mostly yes, there was an immediate inflationary movement. I’m saying this is going to happen too.

There are also noises that are reaching me here in my little quiet spot next to the forest. There are noises like people driving really, really big heavy vehicles down the main road. These are vehicles that do not have any ecological restrictions on him because they do not really apply to civilized reality. I also mentioned that we have helicopter flights now more often again just like we did in the springtime.

I don’t want to present any picture like I am any kind of reporter at Large. I have not left my own property in about 2 months. I have found quite a few systems that allow me to do this and remain quite comfortable. I’ve had no necessity to go anywhere for any kind of bureaucratic deals. Whereas earlier, I at least had to go to the local bank to do financial transactions, all of this has moved to the electronic world. I don’t even really have much need for cash now that Ghenna has migrated away from helping out.

This move was not because I am agoraphobic or any kind of genuine hatred for people. I’m not very fond of people but I’m not hiding from anybody. It started with deep problems with my leg that I elected to deal with myself rather than sitting in the public hospital. My care I guess was reasonable enough and now I’m somewhat mobile but unfortunately, the actual physical help that would probably solve the problem is simply not available to me because the Belarusian medical establishment has chosen to blackmail me for cash rather than doing their job. I guess they allow women to just rewrite the rule book sometimes. This is not the first time I’ve seen this. I can pray for hell for them but you know, that’s not even worth the mental energy.

So what I’m saying is I don’t really know what’s going on at the local store except for the usual drunks and skeletons who hang out there waiting for handouts and making use of each other’s good luck. Perhaps there has been a buildup and there are even more military vehicles. I haven’t been on my bicycle in a long time so I don’t know what’s going on down at the river. And as far as town is concerned, I haven’t heard that there are any particular preparations going on. I only know what I get from the news which is always dramatic, always pushing the limits of my emotions or trying to and is always completely one-sided. I don’t really know. I only hear the noise of military vehicles more often. And I know my location in relation to the Belarusian Ukrainian border.

What happened yesterday was a food thing and I am still feeling it. I had a ramen fest yesterday. I ate three meals, all of them vegan of course but all of them with noodles. Also, all of them were pretty spicy. It was a great use of materials to make these dishes which were as tasty to me as anything. I enjoyed eating and I ate a ton yesterday and I ate very often. Well, three meals is a lot for me these days. I overdid it.

Letting this boy go as a student might have affected me more than I thought. I don’t want to overstate this but it was just being in a situation that I really didn’t want to be in in the first place leading to a situation I definitely did not want to be in probably hurt. I’m not going to be ambivalent about this. I knew this was a bad idea but the boy’s father has been a friend for a very long time and I did this as a courtesy and a gesture for someone who probably waited a long time to call me for this. I told him the truth from the beginning. I’m not a babysitter. I am not teaching the state line. I am not really for children. I teach people how to speak, I don’t teach people how to pass tests. But you know, it was important to him and I took my best shot at giving the kid a simple task that would help him. I just gave him some children’s books and a dictionary and worked with him to improve his ability to understand and read English.

This is not my class. What I mean is, this was not my normal teaching method. What I did with this boy was very unusual for me. I only did what I thought was best to give my friend and his son what they asked for. They told me he was having a hard time understanding English, so I put together a small program that would help him understand. It worked. Let me say this point blank and empirically, it worked and the boy got better very quickly. This is to say it worked until the boy demanded that it didn’t.

The moment the boy realized that he was in a situation that required work, he wanted out. The moment he realized there was not a small effort that was paid for by an extremely large reward, he quit. The moment he found himself in a situation that was difficult and where he didn’t end up being a hero, he didn’t want it. And what he did is probably what people all over the world do now but I know for a fact Belarusians do habitually, he started politicking. And this is where my decision to drop him came from.

To be fair, my decision to cut my losses is an action that I have done many times. I understand that I’m a writer and I understand that I’ve written plays and scenarios in which I attempt to find the most dramatic moments I can. I understand that drama exists and that it is a part of our lives to look for ways to manipulate each other’s emotions. But in matters of business, I like the straightest possible road to success. 

In matters of things that mean something, I don’t like sitting around and wasting time. I also have absolutely no room for emotions when it comes time to do difficult things. The shortest distance between two points, the single most logical thing possible, the thing that will lead to the greatest results for the least amount of effort is the only thing I am interested in. And if I find someone who’s looking for drama, I open the door and wish them well on their road.

Now let’s be fair, I wrote here that I saw this coming. I have been teaching long enough to know what students sound like and what they do. No offense to all of the great individuals of the world but when you’ve seen something enough times, you learn to read the tides like a fisherman. I knew the boy was going to explode the first time he exploded. I told his father that we were going to have this moment and his father told me that he just simply could not understand what I was saying. I told him that there would be a time when the honeymoon was over, when the emotions and the high expectations would give way to a realization that there was work to do and that this work would simply continue and that character and discipline would be required. There are no freebies. You do the work, you get better at it. There’s no magic, there is effort and the reward for that effort is that you get better at something.

Then there were the little nuances. The father needed to bargain with the time of payment of money. I am not pointing fingers and my price was greatly discounted for a friend but that’s not the point. If money is a problem, that is a touch of drama that the situation doesn’t need. I’m not talking about anything here except that if there is weight that cannot be held, the structure will not stand. It’s not about me being ruthless or not having a giant heart for people, it’s not about anybody’s ability to do anything, it’s just about having an extra moving piece that does nothing but create problems within the structure. It’s a red flag.

The boy came out of that first failure, the first time he just decided he didn’t want to do homework and came back and did his job. I gave him all of the love and enthusiasm I could for having done the work. I explained to him that my energy and happiness and attention for him were in response to his effort. He was not entitled to my attention because of his position in life. I do not owe him anything whatsoever because he pays for my time. I am not a blood relative of his nor am I obligated to protect him or his life with my own because of any royalty or political affiliations. I made it clear that I was thrilled to be his teacher to the exact extent that he was agreeing to be my student. If he was all in, I was all in.

But he wasn’t. He is a boy. He’s not a man or an adult or even really a person. He’s just a child and he doesn’t really have any thoughts of responsibilities or his place in the world. He’s not looking to improve his skill set. He’s just doing what the world tells him to do and trying to enjoy the moments of his life. He has no sense of responsibility whatsoever and honestly probably won’t until the day he gets a girl pregnant. 

Perhaps he becomes some kind of a businessman because of his relationship to his father. Perhaps he becomes an academic strategist. I doubt this. I don’t doubt it because I don’t like the boy or any personal reasons. I doubt this because people don’t do this here. This is not a country for this. This is not a country that values Free speech or language skills. I doubt it because it just doesn’t happen here very often. I’m just saying it could. It won’t but it could.

But then there was the last class on Tuesday that he completely failed. I had agreed to arrange a new schedule for him. When that call came and his effort towards the class was negotiating times rather than doing homework I knew we were coming to the end of the world. Whether that end was now or in one month was not sure but it was very clear to me that I was not in a sustainable situation. You can’t plan new classes in unsustainable situations. You can’t think about the future when you have no particular present.

So the kid blew the class, I gave him instructions to simply make use of the 90 minutes of required homework time that he was obligated to at the beginning of the class to work on the job to the best of his abilities. That 90 minutes was simply that I asked him for 30 or 45 minutes a day of attention to this work. You have to do homework in this class. If you think you’re going to get used to being in a foreign language without actually spending time in that language, you are better off watching superhero movies, masturbating, playing sports or gardening. You are not going to get better at anything without practicing it.

And then on Wednesday night I got the call. The moment I got the signal that someone was sending me a message on the particular app I use to talk to students, I knew it was over. To be perfectly honest, I knew from the sound that I was getting a call the night before the class that this situation was over. Honestly and truthfully, when I opened up the app to see the message I was praying to see the words I’ve decided not to continue thank you for your time. That would have been the most honest, the straightest journey between the two points and would have wasted the least of my time.

This never happens. My attention and time are always required for the misery of this polite conversation about the students’ suicide. Everybody needs this fucking drama. 

People blame me sometimes for ripping the bandaid off. People sometimes get frightened by how quickly I turn off the water. Nobody expects me to just stand up from the table, say thank you for dinner and leave. Nobody understands why when the party is over I say thank you and just go home. Everybody always expects more free attention. Everybody always believes that they are going to be awash in unrestricted love. Everybody thinks they are entitled to have their ego stroked and to find out that they are actually incredible human beings, literally celebrities amongst the crowd, virtual royalty statesman movers and shakers. Everybody believes they are entitled to freebies. Everybody believes they have a right to pet the dog.

Влад  (10/12/22 8:19 PM): Я не смогу подготовиться на четверг потому что я сейчас делаю уроки и у меня не останется времени на английский 

I can’t prepare for Thursday because I am doing my homework and I don’t have any time for English.

Влад  (10/12/22 8:22 PM): Давайте перенесем на воскресенье

Let’s just move our time to Sunday.

You have to understand that at this moment I could have just agreed. I could have said sure and I could have got a payment for the next month of lessons. I also want to say that while he was alive, my father was notorious about advising me to take the money. He would get furious when I would turn down money out of principal. But this unfortunately was yet another matter of principle and yet another opportunity for Adam to walk away from a paycheck.

The first time the boy stopped doing his homework because he didn’t like it was a sign of who he was as a person. Believe it or not, there are people who will kill themselves to try and get something right. I don’t particularly like these people. They exist and they believe in themselves as heroes and I hate heroes. What I want is people who try and when it becomes difficult, they call and they ask questions. I have so much knowledge on how to get through this class easily and I love helping people achieve their goals. But anybody who thinks that they are the only one who can do something better be willing to go it alone for the whole road. If you really think you’re a hero, be a hero but stop asking me to teach you. If you can do this yourself, God love you, go and do it yourself and leave me alone.

This was the third failure in the first month. We were only meeting twice a week. Of the eight meetings we had, the boy had two decent homework sessions, three total failures and his entire task was simply trying to figure out what children’s books had to say. The only thing he was tasked to do was to figure out simplistic literature that came with colorful pictures.

It’s also worth mentioning the effort and time that the boy took devising his excuse and his plans for renegotiation could have been used for just doing the homework. This has been my main thought about moments like this my entire career.

Adam  (10/12/22 8:23 PM): Мне жаль. мы в конце месяца. если это будет проблемой для тебя, возможно, нам следует прекратить наши уроки. что ты думаешь?

I feel bad about this. We are at the end of the month. If this is going to be a problem for you, maybe we should stop the lessons. What do you think about this?

Do you think I was too fast? Do you think I should have dragged this out dramatically? Do you think I was wrong to open up the door and inform the boy that he had the right to leave? Do you think I should have kept him under control and kept this thing going for somebody’s sake even if it was only my own?

What did he have to say? Did he complain and say no no no, I just need a few more days to get my act together? Of course not. He wanted to tell me that he now had power. He was calm that he was in the right because he had an ally saying that he was correct.

Влад  (10/12/22 8:24 PM): Я и моя мама тоже так думаем потому что я достиг того результата который я упустил.

My mother and I also think so because I failed to do my job. (This is an idiomatic phrase and it means something like I got what I paid for. Basically, the boy simply wants to take the Big L and Mama agrees that they are probably wasting their money.)

Влад  (10/12/22 8:24 PM): Но папа категорически отказывается

But Papa categorically refuses (to let me quit).

Do we have a divided house? Is Mama a negative influence on our situation? Are there secondary thoughts flying around here? Are we spending our time and energy looking for an exit? That’s what it looks like to me.

Adam  (10/12/22 8:26 PM): Я не понимаю, что ты говоришь. что ты хочешь делать?

I don’t understand what you’re saying. What do you want to do?

Влад  (10/12/22 8:28 PM): Я хочу заниматься но мне бы хотелось бы поменять формат ближе к школе

I want to continue but I want you to change your format to something closer to school work.

You know what my answer is going to be. I mean, you know like knowledge what my answer is going to be. Forgive me if it’s a bit of a speech. But again, it’s all just polite talk and extra drama while we work our way to the end.

You may notice if you’ve been following the war that Russians are really big on ceremony. It’s something they fall back on. Self congratulations and ceremony are Mainstays. They love formality. It’s a part of the language even. It’s in the language and how we talk to each other everyday. There is formal and there is informal. Speaking formally is an absolute must. It’s a bloody drama of course but you just can’t get out of things without a formal ceremony.

Adam  (10/12/22 8:32 PM): хорошо. Я согласен с вами и благодарю вас за работу со мной в этом месяце. Мне понравилось твоё общество, и я рад, что  есть некоторые результаты. я не правильный учитель для тебя прямо сейчас. Передай привет твоим родителям и поблагодари папа за то, что он позвонил мне. нам больше не нужно встречаться, и я желаю тебе удачи в школе. Я уверен, что вы найдете хороших людей, которые помогут тебе в достижении целей. спокойной ночи и скажи отцу, что он может позвонить мне, если захочет поговорить об этом. и еще раз, спасибо за время.

Very well. I agree with you all and I thank you for working with me this month. I have enjoyed your company and I am glad that we have had some results. I am not the correct teacher for you right now. Please give my regards to your parents and thank you Papa for calling me. We do not need to meet anymore and I wish you the best of luck in school. I believe that you and your family will find good people to help you reach your goals. I wish you good night and tell your father that he can call me if he wants to speak about this. And again, thank you for your time.

You may notice the five minute time Gap here. I guess they were not expecting me to walk away. This was not a power game on my part. It was on theirs but it was not on mine. This was me walking away. The house was not going to stand. The structure was not sound. I didn’t have a student and I don’t steal money.

Влад  (10/12/22 8:37 PM): Мне очень нравится с вами заниматься, может мы сможем продолжить обучение по школьной программе?

I really like working with you, maybe we can continue studying but with the school program?

I’ve said this many times and I don’t need to belabor the point here but the Russian academic second language education program is designed specifically to teach people not to speak. The program is designed to understand and to keep it for themselves. Nobody is asked their opinion or to express themselves in any way. It is a passive system of taking without giving back. And I don’t mean to be an asshole here by bringing up things unnecessarily, but listening without speaking is exactly how my ex partner became my ex partner rather than my partner. 

This is a norm here. And I made my living for 20 years exactly by not teaching the school system. There were quite a few gold medals in there by the way. 

I’m not interested in helping children pass State tests. I teach people to speak. If the format of their speaking is English, well, this is the power to go out in the world and be good people. If that’s not your interest, I am not your teacher. God love you but there is no reason for us to waste our time.

Adam  (10/12/22 8:39 PM): Нет спасибо. вы должны найти нового учителя, чтобы следовать традиционной программе. и я желаю вам удачи.

No thank you. You must find a new teacher to follow the traditional program. And I wish you good luck.

Another small pause. Mom is sitting right next to him. He doesn’t tell me this but I know this like knowledge. Mom wins. She doesn’t have to pay the money and she doesn’t have to carry the burden of supporting an American with a great big beard. She doesn’t have to have all of this strange mess around her anymore.

And neither do I.

Влад (10/12/22 8:41 PM): Мне очень жаль. Спасибо вам огромное, за помощь и понимание. Всего вам доброго! Я буду скучать по общению с вами.

I feel bad. Thank you very much for your help and understanding. I wish only good things for you and I will miss our conversations.

Adam (10/12/22 8:41 PM): Ok. Thanks and good night

Влад (10/12/22 8:41 PM): Thanks.

So yeah, it’s an emotional thing when you have to let someone go. I could never tolerate pretending to teach the school system. I don’t know how anybody does this. I mean, I know they do it bureaucratically. I know what local teachers do and who they are and how they do what they do. I’ve spent enough time around schools to understand this and I’ve met enough teachers to see the results of living within this situation. I am well aware of the game and how it is played. It’s just not for me and frankly, I made my living for 20 years by being a pirate. If that’s not available to me now, I guess I’m grateful for having been smart enough and disciplined enough in my own way to afford my retirement.

I guess I can also afford some groceries because I ate a lot of ramen yesterday. I ate two breakfasts that put me on the couch. Well, there were two breakfasts and some time with Lena. I was also probably tired from all of the work I’ve been doing lately. I’ve been pressing myself to my limit of tolerance for pain and effort. And then you throw in a little emotional explosion and I did not put up any effort to fight my lethargy. The noodle bowls probably gave me a food coma and I didn’t do a damn thing to get out of it.

Like Zelinski says, we live next door to a terrorist Nation. We all have to live with the effects of living next door to a terrorist Nation. Everybody has to deal with the possibility of terrorism. Everybody looks for an exit in their own way.

So it’s Friday and tomorrow is Saturday. Today I have the usual things to do to prepare for my day off. There is not a lot to do.

The floors got cleaned so this is nice. I guess I could clean up a little bit here in the warm room and perhaps the office requires a little attention. I don’t have very much laundry to do but I could rinse out some things. My menu for this evening is absolutely going to include some fresh bread and some kind of peanut hummus. This kind of ends up like pizza to tell you the truth but I’m not going to bake pizza. I like my ingredients separate. I think the only thing that will not be on the menu is noodles. I had enough noodles yesterday, thank you very much.

What else? Nothing else. I’m just at the end of another week and I am getting to the end of another year.

I will say one more thing that I have been thinking about. Last year due to health reasons, I quit my journal writing 4 weeks early. I had planned on working for 45 weeks and stopped at 41. This here is week 40 and next week will be week 41 and I have been wondering if I need to keep going for the last month.

I’ll give you my reasons for thinking about this.

The beginning of these journals comes at the beginning of the new year. Not on January 2nd but on January 8th. This has to do with Russian Orthodox Christmas which comes 2 weeks later because of the calendar business. This makes for a lovely 2-week holiday on each side of New Year’s. Because of this and because I have been privately teaching for 2 decades, there has always been something of a going back to work that happens on the 8th or 9th of January. It’s time to get going basically is how people feel. Of course there is a lot of vodka in this decision followed by a brief moment of repentance and religion but this is a part of the landscape. It’s a pretty Christian part of the landscape but it’s part of the landscape.

The ending date of my first endeavor in 2020 was 2 weeks after the actual American elections. Biden won, plus minus, and then I took a couple of weeks to wind down and get out of what I started. The amount of time between the 8th of January and what ended up to be something like the 15th of November was 45 weeks. This is exactly where this number came from.

Last year I decided to dive back into this writing thing and also to try to do something physically to help ecology, my new flag and political affiliation. I took the schedule from the previous year and said that I would be there doing my thing everyday from the 8th or 9th of January all the way to mid-november, whatever that Friday was would be my last blog of the year. Of course I didn’t make it and my foot exploded at about week 41 and I decided not to blog from the hospital because I pretty much knew what was going to happen. I was right of course. I’m usually right when I say I know what’s going to happen. But anyway, I quit a little early.

This year I Incorporated reading Torah in my weekly blogs. I believe I put it in at the beginning of the year. Honestly, I don’t actually remember and I’ll have to go back and have a look. I’m pretty sure I decided to include Torah reading in my weekly blog at the beginning but I did not actually settle on Thursdays being the specific day to do my tourist study for a couple of months. After that, it was a habit that I knew was coming up every Thursday.

Lately though, I’ve been noticing that I’m repeating myself a lot. I feel as though I have said what I want to say several times even. I’m starting to feel a bit redundant and that I don’t really get anything out of doing this. The purpose or the feeling of purpose is not really there.

The second thing came because of all of this Torah reading. Even though for the most part I keep my opinions secular and even sarcastic in a way, I can’t help noticing that the actual task of staying with the Torah over the course of the calendar year does end up having a very specific relationship to the natural world. This is not to say that the stories in the five books directly relate to an agricultural season, it’s just that grouping people together or keeping a group of people together or trying to keep a group of people together directly correlates to that group of people’s ability to make food. All of the taxes and what I call barbecue only get paid if people are successful at what they do. All of the admonishments to be good people, not to bother each other or steal from each other or kill each other are there to make sure that people just do their work. If they do their work, they will eat and if they eat, they will survive. The leadership class in this case is simply there to make sure that these people survive. Well, that both the people doing the work and the priest class survive.

It might just be that I’m reading into this but we are coming to the end of what we could call the holiday season. All of these holidays right now are all related to the ebbs and flows of an agricultural season. There is no other way to look at it. And with the end of the agricultural season might be reading the Torah again from the beginning, which happens next week, but it also seems to be a more natural ending to the year. There is nothing really important to do after this except to get through the winter in one piece.

So I’ve been thinking about this. I’ve been thinking if I need to go all 45 weeks or whether 41 weeks is enough for me. I will say that the time off from writing everyday that I took at the end of the first year had me very inspired to go back and do something more the next year. I of course got my shit handed to me when I tried to do what I wanted to do and that influenced my decisions for doing this writing this year. There were no businesses planned this year, I did not make any effort whatsoever to connect myself or this writing with anyone or anything. I just did it and it’s here and it will be in my catalog forever. I just learned my lesson about not wasting my time trying to do something good for my community. They don’t have any ears for it. They just have explanations for failure and a cancerous hatred that I would prefer that they just eat themselves without bothering me too much.

I guess what I’m saying here on Friday is that perhaps next week will be my last week. I don’t really know. I’ll have to think about that. Without some physical point of reference to plan for like the elections, I can’t see any reason to go all the way into November. Maybe the natural push of all of this is supposed to be where we flip the Torah and button up the field. Maybe it’s a matter of the work being done when the work is done.

But like I said, I don’t know. I’ll think about it. I’ll think about it and I’ll let you know. Well, I will let you know if you ever take the time to actually read these words. That’s the real stickler isn’t it? You have to find people who, amidst all of the other electronic entertainments that are available to them for free and effortless and fast, might for some reason want to sit through 4 million words of a guy sitting in the middle of the world watching everything go to shit. Tough sell.

To answer your question, no, I’m not getting up. I’m going to go back to sleep now.

***

These are just some Street interviews with people from either side of Russia. It’s not a lot but these are the honest thoughts of honest people.

If you were to ask me these same interview questions, I will tell you the truth. I am not a fan of American imperialism and I am absolutely not a fan of Russian imperialism. I guess I could say that in fewer words by saying that I am not a fan of forced imperialism.

There was an argument in here where they say there is a fear of the West breaking Russia into smaller pieces. I will be honest. I felt it would probably be a very good idea to break the United States into smaller pieces. When I thought of it, it was after traveling across the United States by bicycle and I felt that making five or six smaller regions of about 60 million people each would allow better local governance and for people to better suit their own needs than being ruled over by a central government. I still believe that this is probably a better way to live.

I guess it goes without saying that I am not a fan of aggression or violence as a way of solving problems. I do not ascribe merit to the battlefield as a way of solving things. I don’t know how many times I have to say it but I am an ecologist. This year specifically I would probably rather give my politics as being a foodie. This is not normally a political term but it means that my personal politics begins and ends with providing food for people. I do not believe anyone should be hungry. At the same time, I do not believe that we should take any more land for this than we need and I absolutely do not believe that meat should be in the diet of human beings. This is a lot to talk about and I have certainly said a lot on the subject and a lot is available to be read on this subject but I do not believe meat is inappropriate food for our species and we would certainly have an easier time feeding people if we would get off of this rather horrible habit.

So my answer to these questions about politics is that everybody is paranoid and we are investing almost all of our resources in weapons and aggressive actions designed to simply kill off our male population and ruin our cities so as to allow for rebuilding and the economic boom that comes along with it. I frankly don’t believe in economics as a way to rule the world. I believe in food and I believe in ecology.

So my brief answer to the question is that I really wish that Americans would go home and clean up the place. I mean, I think the Americans should go home and use whatever wealth they happen to have to become the greenest place on the planet. Green sustainable electricity, abundant food and a lifestyle worth living for every human being. 

I also think that money being spent on American military activities would be better spent on a non-violent military based upon ecological cleanup. If America would engage in this kind of foreign engagement instead of aiding and abetting illegal profiteering and other detrimental activities, I think the United States would become one of the most welcome friends globally.

As for Russia, I think the same thing is true. It’s a cold weather country and it has a long history. I think they should invest in greenhouses and indoor living for the coldest winter months. I think they should take some of this money away from they’re oligarch class and what they could do to make the most worthwhile mode of life for people living here. And for someone who has been enjoying 52 degrees north latitude for about two decades now, you should be thrilled at the abundant nature available in the North for exactly what it is.

My opinion is that we should stop killing each other and start living well and wisely and kindly with each other. I think we should put a stop to greed and get a good solid start on general benevolence for each other and for nature and for all living things on the planet. A little respect, a little kindness, a little help when needed and I’m sure we’ll all be fine.

***

It’s about 1:00 in the afternoon and I’m having another easy day. One of the benefits of working hard and then taking it easy is that you build up some strength. The actual strength building process comes because of tearing yourself down with the effort but then your body rebuilds itself in the resting. This is actually one of the great strategies of taking a day off. The Christian world doesn’t really want anybody ever putting themselves completely to rest. They are terrified of it. But then again terror would be the main point behind a religion that worships a man being nailed to a cross.

About the only thing of interest was a quick phone call from my neighbor Tanya who had some more white mushrooms for me. I overpaid this time. It’s not really so much money. Last time I underpaid. We both said that we would figure it out. I always feel bad when I see Tanya these days. She tends to bask in the sympathy of my attention. I’m okay with all of this. It comes with white mushrooms. I’m not a jerk. I don’t do it for the mushrooms. I’m just saying that it’s all part of the same vibrant tapestry.

I think I corrected a small mistake and put a fan underneath the drying table under the walnuts. They are drying. I can’t really stop eating them because they are so delicious. Every time I sit down in the office I can’t help but grab a few. They are still soft but my goodness, they are so delicious

I’m probably going to put together some bread right now. I have been in my office mostly sitting but also thinking. This war has me unfortunately nervous. I don’t feel like investing anything in this house. There’s not really so much that I need. I mean, I have a particular set of natural resources available and making use of them would probably help out generally. The problem is I don’t have unlimited funds and if I can’t justify the expenditure, I won’t make it. I definitely won’t buy things emotionally. But in this case, I keep wondering how much this war is going to spill over into my life this winter. One way or another, none of this leaves an easy feeling.

***

Speaking of leaving an uneasy feeling, I have a really weird piece of conspiracy theory to share. This is not usually something I engage in but I ran into something on the Internet a little while ago and I have seen an interesting result from it.

About a week ago, YouTube seemed to unilaterally demonetize all of the bloggers and content makers who were focusing on the Ukrainian War. They cited their perpetual community standards thing. I’ve been caught with this before because I have commented on things and got censored. I didn’t make threats or anything like that, I just wasn’t supportive and kind and said my mind about a particular group of politicians or conservatives in general. I got warned a few times. It’s one of the reasons I’m not on Facebook anymore. This was my decision not theirs. It’s kind of like being kosher by being vegan or staying away from unnecessary hassles by not owning a car. If you like living a clean unburdened life, you don’t settle yourself with things that end up with burdens. I guess you can count not being married is one of these things.

Anyway, with the demonetization of the YouTubers, a lot of these guys suddenly had to scurry around looking for replacement funds. Some of these people have audiences of between a half million and a million subscribers, some more. At this level, they make pretty good money. If suddenly all of their videos are demonetized, this cuts them off immediately. Their checks stop and all of their income probably goes with it. 

Community standards is a bitch. It’s kind of the Patriot act. It’s one of these things that allows martial law and unilateral control over things. None of this is a democratic process. I’ve said a number of times that we should have a for-profit internet and a not-for-profit internet. This would solve a million problems. Let the money people kill themselves and let the knowledge people have a moment of freedom, thank you very much.

But one strange thing appeared just after the demonetization. This one blogger whose link is just below here immediately published a very strange video which was supposed to be about Russian surrendering but ended up at least in the beginning being a fashion show from his own military service. Literally, he used this as an opportunity to show pictures of winter military gear.

That he was not talking about the war in Ukraine was not the biggest part of the anomaly, it was the advertising that he did a few minutes into this video. It seems that some company gave him money to sell an elixir that you take before drinking too much alcohol. The name, remarkably enough, was Z Biotics. This Z however is the exact same symbol that is used for pro Russian military engagement. It is the current Russian version of the swastika. 

I believe this is a legitimate advertisement and in fact Zbiotics has at least a web page (https://zbiotics.com/)and really does sell this snake oil shit. 

Okay, you can believe in this or not believe in this. I mean, you could say that the blogger was making a joke or that this is legitimate business deal that a guy who suddenly needed money was willing to make. But a product with the exact same name and symbol AS pro-russian propaganda that sells some snake oil that you can take to help curb your alcohol binges seems a bit weird to me.

The conspiracy theory here is pretty simple. This guy is from Estonia and is anti-russian, completely pro Ukrainian War and yet here he is happily taking money from a company that uses the symbol Z and makes money by convincing alcoholics that they will be free to drink more if they buy this product. Does it sound fishy to you? This sounds fishy to me.

Me? I’m getting paranoid as shit. The more weird things you get, the more you worry about who’s making these weird things happen. I mean, the Russians have plenty of weapons that they’re disposal. Some of them fly through the air and come down and explode killing civilians and children and busting up streets. But they also have been controlling the media for quite some time. I’d like to know who else is responsible for a product like this or actually getting to a pro Ukrainian YouTuber who is suddenly in need of money.

Were the Russians behind the demonetization of all of the pro Ukrainian YouTubers? Somebody had to make the complaint to get the ball rolling. It was either a complaint or an envelope. You tell me what you think.

***

“The addition of an addictive carcinogen cannot be good for overall health”.

The alcohol industry appears to be engaged in the extensive misrepresentation of evidence about the alcohol-related risk of cancer. These activities have parallels with those of the tobacco industry.

Does alcohol cause cancer? Yes.

***

Look, I know it’s kind of early for final thoughts here but I think I’ve probably done enough. I’ve done enough this week and probably I’ve done enough this year. I’m not saying that I’m absolutely quitting at the end of next week. I will make that decision based on how I feel or if I can think of any genuine reason to keep going. I mean, they are starting a war and you could probably say that I need to sit here tirelessly and continue on just to see what happens in the war. Of course, I could always continue writing but just not do it publicly. You see? There are always variants.

I’m thinking about maybe going to Temple next Tuesday for Simchat ToraThis is also nothing I could etch in stone. Pardon the bad joke. It’s another thing that I’m going to have to think about and see how I feel before making my decision.

About the rest of the evening, my decisions have already been made. The hummus has been mellowing and hydrating and becoming what it’s supposed to be all day. I just put together my dough ball/bread about a half hour ago. Just three ingredients. Whole wheat, White and yeast. I didn’t add any sugar to the yeast and I didn’t add any salt to the bread. I kind of like the taste of it just the way it is. After this, a little bit of oil in the pot and a bunch of vegetables in there with some spices I guess. I don’t really need much more than that. And yeah, if I were to put everything I have together at one time and bake the bread, I would have a pizza. That’s not what I’m going to do but it’s the same thing. Well, the same thing without any animals.

This really was kind of a crazy week energy wise. I’m feeling a bit manic depressive really. The crazy physical up at the beginning of the week and all of the building and house fixing I did. And then there was yesterday with all of that ramen and suddenly I was a couch potato again unapologetically. My leg feels great today and when I went out to meet Tanya to pick up the mushrooms, I was amazed at how freely I could walk. She didn’t notice or particularly care, she just wanted some money for the mushrooms. But I noticed and I got a lot of pleasure from it.

These are only moments though and I don’t have the leg I really want or the one I need. I am still damaged goods and no matter how good I feel at the moment, I understand I’m going to have Richard pain again if I go too far and forget my situation. I’m not free yet and I’m starting to get the feeling I might die before ever experiencing that freedom.

But mostly what I want to say is that I absolutely believe that I am in the great majority on this planet when I say that we do not need War to solve our problems. War does not solve problems. War is an economic action made by people who do not give one shit about the people living under their rule. Any country or any leader of any country that chooses death over the life and happiness of their people is a thief. It’s kind of like recognizing politicians who talk about economy. These are the thieves. I feel like Don Corleone talking to Michael at the end of the film. “Remember, the one who talks about war or economy is the traitor. He will invite you to a meeting and at that meeting you will be assassinated.”

On Sunday, we will put some more bushes in the ground. Maybe we will move this computer that is in front of my face into the other room. But maybe we will have a lot of free time and just find a nice place and drink some tea. We really have had some lovely sunny days. These are the days where you can really enjoy the autumn. My birch trees are now yellow and green, the same color as my house. It is a very beautiful moment at 52 degrees north latitude. Maybe this is the most beautiful and perfect moment it is possible to have here.

But…